The Runaway
by Megnacarta
Summary: Edward left after the van crash but he hasn't forgotten Bella. When he finally sees her again she is a different person he imagined she would be. Leaving set forward events that can't be undone. Can he redeem himself in her eyes? Is she ready for love?
1. Waltz number two

**A/N: So sorry I keep updating the same chapter. I've been sick and a little loopy. I keep forgetting vital things like crediting SM. (How dare I!) **

**This story starts right after Edward saves Bella from the van. In this story the Cullen's left to protect their anonymity. I'll be switching between EPOV and BPOV.**

**I own 15 shades of red nail polish and patent leather red Linea Paolo heels**

**Mucho love for my Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and some of the quotes.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

_She shows no emotion at all  
Stares into space like a dead china doll  
I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow_

**Waltz #2**

**BPOV**

_I was walking down the long sand trail down to the beach. The clouds hung pensively in the sky. It was an unseasonably warm day in La Push. I tripped over several rocks while I made my way down to the sand. I walked through the green arches of trees and had set my feet on the beach when a velvet voice called behind me. "Bella"_

_I turned suddenly and gasped to see the figure emerge from the woods. He was tall and lean, with bronze hair and piercing hazel eyes. He flashed a menacing white smile. "How long have you been waiting for me?"_

_I gulped. "Since you left, I've been waiting forever for you."_

_He walked to me and placed a soft hand on my cheek. I felt electricity run through his fingers to my jaw bone. My traitor face flooded with a bright blush. He ran his hand over my cheek. "Ah, my lamb, I've been waiting for you, too."_

I sat up in bed with a start. "It was a dream; it's always a dream" I murmured to myself. I sunk back into my bed and stared up at the ceiling. In the dark of my room I watched the fan rotate slowly. I ran my hand over my cheek, the same place he had in my dream. I could still feel the phantom fingers on my skin. I groaned loudly. It had been seven years since Edward Cullen had saved me from Tyler's van, and yet, I can still remember every detail. How his body felt like ice next to mine; the way his eyes bore into mine when he pleaded with me to lie to everyone; the electricity of his touch around my waist; the flicker of anger and amusement he showed. It was pathetic that I was still thinking about that man after so many years. After our tense conversation in the hospital, when I blubbered on incessantly while he told me "_I hope you enjoy disappointment_", I was dumbstruck by the conversation. The next day I kept my promise and told everyone that he had pulled me out of the way. I listened to everyone saying they never saw him standing with me. I was going to challenge him but he never showed. His entire family left and were never seen again. The entire episode was very bizarre.

I roused myself out of bed and padded to the kitchen to get a drink. I sat on the marble counter drinking my water. I glanced at the clock on the oven: 4:15 AM. The apartment was quiet for the first time in days. I leaned against the cabinet, savoring the silence. A screeching cry rang from down the hall.

"No such luck." I set my glass on the counter and walked down the corridor quickly. I opened the door to the last room on the left. Ryland sat up in bed.

"Mommy, there was a monster. A big spider was gonna eat me!" I sat on the edge of his bed and took him in my arms. For a four year old he was surprisingly big. I stroked his curly sandy-brown hair until his sobs subsided. I began to sing him a lullaby, rocking back and forth until I heard his breathing even out and his body went slack against mine. I carefully laid him back down and covered him up with his race car quilt. I tucked his stuffed turtle under his arm. I leaned down to kiss him, breathing in the scent of soap and sweetness. I moved to the rocking chair in the corner and watched him sleep.

Huffing pointedly, I began to wonder how my life ended up this way. I seemed to have it together in high school and then things had gone so far awry; first my mom, and then Charlie….

My world had crashed around me. She was my lifeline to the world, and I missed her more every day. I was so distraught I couldn't even be around Charlie anymore. I knew he never got over Renee. He missed my mom just as much as I did and had taken to drinking heavily. I tried for a while to take care of him, but when I found out I was pregnant I gave up. I didn't need to take care of two children. Now we only talked on special occasions. It just hurt too much to see him. There was nothing to keep me in Forks any longer. I definitely took her passing very badly. I made some poor choices. I still was making poor choices. The only good decision I had made was to keep Ryland. He was my miracle. I closed my eyes and was suddenly shaken awake by small hands.

"Mommy, I need some juice."

I got up, my back protesting. I looked at the clock; it was eight in the morning. I had slept in the chair for almost four hours. I stumbled behind Ryland to the kitchen where I got him a glass and the juice. He carefully poured it as I started my pot of coffee. He sat at the table, swinging his legs beneath him. I smiled at him. "It's a good thing you woke me up baby. I wouldn't have gotten you to school in time. Now I need you to go brush your teeth and go potty while I get your clothes ready."

We raced into his class and got there just in time for Ryland to wash his hands for breakfast. His teacher greeted us at the door. I briefed her quickly on his night and kissed him goodbye. I hustled out the door and peeled out of the parking lot, trying to get to my 9:30 class. I walked in a few minutes late but sat in the back so that my truancy went unnoticed. The seminar droned on and I tried to take notes as best I could. Being pre-law with a small child was not an easy way to live. I felt guilty I couldn't spend more time with him. We only had a few hours in the evenings before I left for work at nine. By two I was itching to see my son and hold him in my arms. As we left the preschool Ryland showed me his coffee filter jellyfish he made and sang me a song about a slippery fish. I laughed and sang along with him the entire way home.

I had just put him down to sleep when Bree showed up to watch him. She was young but good if Ryland woke up. Best of all she was cheap. She said it was nice to get out of her parents house at night. They had been fighting more often and she didn't like to be around for their spats. I was just glad she didn't judge me on my job. Charlie didn't even know what I did for money. I had to pay my bills and provide for Ryland somehow. I was only trying to make a better life for us. I briefed her on his day and got in my car. I drove down the road and merged onto the Phoenix highway.

I pulled my car into the parking lot and sighed heavily. My thoughts wandered to my dream; to Edward looking at me with his hard onyx eyes the day we met; his copper hair, shiny and unkempt. I couldn't figure out what it was that held him in my memory. Surely there had been enough men in my life, men that I had known for longer and men that I had been far more intimate with, men that were nearly as good looking. There was just something about the recollection of him saving my life that pulled on my brain and heart. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself to face the inside of the club. I walked through the floor and back into the dressing room. I took my jeans and tee-shirt off and began to put on the sexy librarian outfit that I would be starting the night with. I refused to show my stomach but would have a low cut top on. I found the long wavy red wig and secured it to my head. I helped Delia with her geisha outfit and she helped me adjust the sparkly bikini top. She asked me about Ryland and told me a story about her daughter Eden. We would typically meet for play dates if we had the same schedule. Nervous, I walked outside and lit a cigarette. I heard Delia close the door behind me. "Bella, you okay?"

I turned to face her. "Yeah, I guess. I'm just stressed with finals and stuff. I can't wait until I am done with school, and done with this place."

She nodded. "I know what you mean. Sometimes it's just too much to do this job and be a parent. I feel so tired all the time, but I can't fall asleep before 2 AM."

I smiled at her. "Exactly." I bit my lip and looked at the door to the backstage area. "I especially can't wait to quit this job. You know I typically can't walk without falling. I don't know how I ended up working here, in these heels."

"Well Bella, none of us thought we would end up like this. No girl grows up thinking 'I want to be a stripper'."

I shot a look at her. "I'm not a stripper. You just do topless dancing."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You can call it what you want. I'm still taking my clothes off for money and we both are lying to our families about it."

I threw my cigarette butt down and scuffed it with my platform stiletto. I walked back into the staging area to hear the opening music come on.

I served some tables their overpriced bottom-shelf drinks. A few men tried to grab at me and I scuttled deftly away. I heard Delia being announced as Kimber Lace and watched the first part of her routine before the manager Laurent came to yell at me about not doing my rounds. I changed into a pink nightgown and feather-boa heels. I approached one of my regulars and he told me to come back later. I flirted and sashayed my way around the floor. I might have felt like a complete idiot at the time, but I knew how to play my part.

I was almost done making my rounds when I spotted a table with two young men at it. From a distance I could tell they were young. Getting closer I noticed that one of them had dark curly hair and was extremely muscular. The other one was thin and honey blonde. He bent over his full drink and was arguing with the larger man. I felt a sense of déjà vu seeing them, but brushed it off. There was no one in Phoenix I knew. I was in no danger of being spotted. I stopped at the table and leaned down seductively. "Would you boys like a drink?"

Their hands snapped at me and I saw their eyes on me, examining my face. I was surprised. My face is typically the last place men looked. I saw them glance at each other. The big one patted the seat next to him. I sat down. He put his hand out to me. "You look familiar, what's your name?"

I giggled. "I'm Victoria." They looked so familiar as well. I brushed the feeling off and proceeded.

"No really, what's your name?"

We were strictly forbidden to give out our names for security reasons. There are stories about girls being stalked after giving out their names. "That is my name. Don't you believe me?"

He scrunched up his brow. "No, I don't, but I can't recall where I know you from. Did you ever live in Alaska?"

"No, I have never even been to Alaska. Now how about that drink?"

"I don't think that's a good idea for me."

I turned to the blonde one. "How about you? Would you like a drink?"

He gave me a strained smile. "No thank you."

"Your loss, boys." I got up and walked backstage, a sense of admonishment on my lips.

**

* * *

**

EPOV

As I stood at the dirty strip club bar I shook my head at the disgusting images flooding my mind. The thoughts that ran through the men at this club were atrocious. It was times like this I wished I could turn off my mind-reading ability. I tried to tune it all out. How Emmett talked me into coming here I still couldn't figure out. He knew that I had never been interested in anyone before, human woman or vampire. I sighed heavily as I corrected myself internally. I know that there was something once: in Forks, with Bella Swan.

I was so sure I would kill her on that first day. The smell of her blood was like a tsunami hitting my throat, causing the venom to roll through my mouth against my keen teeth. It took everything I had to leave her alive in that cold languid class. I fled that day up to Alaska, but after a few days by myself I reasoned that I was strong enough to defy her scent. I was so wrong to think that. I wanted to take her just as much as that first day. I hunted extraneously the night before. I spoke to her trying to get into her taciturn mind. I found myself fascinated by her responses, the way her cheeks flooded rose—I wanted to know so much more about her. I watched her through the mind of that feeble boy Mike Newton, growing irritated about his possessiveness. That night I pondered her future. I found myself pained at the idea of her marrying another man. The emotions clouded my reasoning. I couldn't figure out why I needed to stay. I knew every day I was near that girl I would be risking her life. I decided to see her one last time and then it happened. I thought about that day; the van careening into her frail body; the feel of her heat against my stone chest; the vibrations of energy that passed between our eyes. There was something about her—the way she stumbled over her words as I lied to her about where I was, the scent of freesia pulling me under, the blush of her cheek when I first spoke to her, her translucent skin and warm chocolate eyes. After the accident I fought with my family, such a vicious poisonous fight. Jasper and Rosalie wanted to get rid of her, Alice wanted us to return. Her words scalded me:

_I love her too…Can't you see where this is headed? Like the sun rising in the east…_

I wanted to disagree with her, tell her that there was no way I could love a girl I didn't know. Yet the words didn't form. I insisted that Carlisle pull me from school and offered to go out on my own. He disagreed with me, but I held my ground. For weeks we stayed in Forks to ensure that she didn't tell people her theories. I never returned to school, instead hovering in the parking lot reading the minds of her friends. She kept her word and never deferred from the story I told her. After weeks I watched as the line started to form; all those boys asking her out, vying for her attention. I was in turmoil watching them talk to her, to see the soft blossom of her cheek, the russet eyes widen in shock. I felt a surge of covetous heat. I reasoned that I couldn't be jealous of what was not mine. Before I left, I snuck into Bella's window and watched her sleep. She was so frail and soft. Without thinking I had brushed my arctic finger across her searing cheek. She leaned into me and I heard her mumble. "Edward"

I had felt my heart unravel. I knew then that if I stayed I would only endanger her life in every way possible. I knew that I would never feel that way about a girl again, but I couldn't risk her life for my own selfish gain. I promptly left Forks. She was on my mind every day. I would see strangers with the cascade of her chestnut hair or the bow of her lip; they could never compare. I tussled with myself to return to her and ensure that she was still well. Every few months I would travel back to check on her. I would climb through her window and watch her sleep, the purple comforter tangled between her legs of sinew. Every time my cold heart would fail me as I felt all those emotions harden around me. Every time I would stroke her satin and scarlet cheek. A few times she would talk in her sleep.

I was traveling through, picking up a few things at the house when I happened upon her house. It had been two years since we left. She was thin, too angular, her hair in layers of string and tangles. Even in sleep she had dark circles under her eyes. I heard her mumble "Riley"—it was as if the floor opened up around me as she whispered another man's name. I swore I would leave her alone after that. I couldn't continue my fantasies about being with Bella. There was someone else to protect her. I could never be that man. The next day as I was about to leave, I drove by one last time. I could see her through the window. She looked tired: her eyes had deep circles under them and her cheeks were blotchy. My knuckles protested in anguish at the sight of her in pain. I saw her pull a man up from the ground and set him in a chair. I recognized him as her father, the chief of police. I almost went to her to offer my assistance. I could hear the conversation inside.

"Dad, you need to wake up."

"I'm awake damn it. Don't sass me young lady" the Chief slurred.

"Dad, I'm not sassing you. I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving. I can't stay here and take care of you. I have enough shit to take care of. We're moving back down to Phoenix. I hope you will get some help. I'm sorry Dad but I can't do this any longer. She's gone and no amount of liquor will bring her back. Please dad, will you call that woman about the rehab center?"

"How dare you. You think you're so perfect, miss high and mighty. You think I don't know what you've been up to? I know! Fuck, the whole town knows who you are now. They know all about you."

I watched he bite her lip and look out the window. She looked right at me for a moment before looking back at Chief Swan.

"First of all, this is modern times, not 1950. I am adult and will do adult things."

He grumbled under his stale breath.

Bella hesitated for him to reply to her. "Well Charlie, I guess this is how we say goodbye then. I'll keep in touch." She grabbed her suitcase and walked out the door to her beat-up Chevy truck. She glanced back at the house. "I love you Dad" she whispered.

I heard the engine fire up and she raced down the street, tears streaming in her eyes. I almost went after her, stopped the car. It wouldn't have been that hard for me. I've done worse in my 110 years of life (or death, depending on your view point). It took all I had to stay standing on the street watching her drive away. In the years that followed I would reenact that moment. I would imagine how it would feel to go to Bella and comfort her, maybe put an arm around her delicate shoulder and feel her smooth chestnut hair under my hand. I could smell her, the smell of freesia, like a fine wine. I would envision how different my life would have been if I had made that choice. Instead, I watched her drive away from me. Years later the decision still stung me. I spent much of my time sulking around the random high schools we attended. Melancholy was my prayer. Bella was my orison. We were traveling through Arizona to get to some friends of Jasper's in Texas. It was Emmett who forced us out tonight. Rosalie and Alice didn't mind if their husbands went to a strip club now and then, as long as they didn't touch the women. Alice would always remind us "I will see it."

I hate these excursions, but Emmett insisted that I go with him. He was always cracking jokes about me being the oldest virgin in the world. Easy for him to say. He woke as a vampire already paired with Rosalie. Same with Alice and Jasper. Sometimes living with three couples was very difficult. At the club I couldn't even look at the girls that danced. It just felt wrong. I looked around at the ribald club. A waitress came out. She was slender and had long wavy red hair: Victoria. The way she moved wasn't the most graceful thing I had seen, but she had magnetism about her. For the first time in years of going to these kinds of places I actually watched one of the girls. I felt guilty watching her, but I noticed all the rest of the men at the club were just as captivated by her as well. They were paying more attention to her then the dancer. There was something about the way she moved that tugged on my mind in a haughty way. I couldn't put my finger on the senses going through my mind. I felt hot and my stomach clenched. I gripped the counter as a man next to me imagined grabbing the woman's ass and spanking her.

I walked outside to get some fresh air. As I left the club, the buzz of voices faded slowly until I was surrounded by sweet reticence. I sat on the curb and tried to place my emotions. After replaying my reaction in my head for a while I returned to sit with my brothers. As I approached them I noticed there was a woman with long red hair standing in front of the table. I strained to hear her thoughts and was surprised when I got silence. I had only known one other person that immune to my gift, and there was no way my sweet, innocent Bella would be here. I turned on my heels and moved away in trepidation. I stood in the shadows, my eyes closed, breathing slowing. I was being pulled under by her bouquet.

"Bella"

I heard my brothers take in a sharp breath, their minds a frenzy of action. She strutted past me, the bottom of her sheer nightgown fluttering in her movement. I watched her run away for the second time in my life. Jasper and Emmett shot me concerned looks.

_That was not Bella Swan, was it?_

_I knew she looked familiar. I told Jasper we knew her!_

I shook my head at them. "I want to leave. Now." They got their things and we hurried out the door. I felt light as a feather. She completely took me away. I knew it was her. She was different, curvier, and the hair was definitely a change; but she smelled of freesia and roses, she had those smooth brown eyes, and her thoughts were a secret to me. I was so conflicted.

I stormed to the Volvo and threw my jacket in the backseat. My brothers were silent on the ride back to the hotel. Alice and Rosalie met us in the parking lot. When I got out Alice walked up to me.

"Edward I didn't see it until it was too late. I tried to call but no one picked up."

I glared at her. "Well that's just great, Alice. What good is seeing the future if I still end up in this fucked situation?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Give me a break Edward, she's a stripper. Get over her and let's get ready to go. I am sick of your shitty attitude." We all turned to stare at her. "What? Can't I have an opinion? Jesus Christ you guys are touchy. She's just some girl Edward; now quit being a douche bag."

I turned to Jasper and Emmett. "What should I do?"

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. Jasper cleared his throat. "I think we need to know how you feel about her, Edward."

I shook my head. "I don't know, I barely know her."

"You don't react that way to someone you barely know." Alice pointed out.

"I don't want to talk about this right now. I'll be in my room. Come find me later." I pushed past them and sulked up to my room. Closing the door behind me, I sunk to the floor. I couldn't figure out how I felt about Bella. I knew that I wanted to see her safe and cared deeply about her, more than I cared about anyone else. I just couldn't imagine the circumstances that turned the bright, sweet, innocent Bella from biology into that feisty and lusty Victoria I saw tonight. Despite my conservative beliefs, I couldn't simply leave again. I had watched her get away from me once. I was furious that she could degrade herself in such a way. What kind of woman was she?

**

* * *

**

BPOV

I couldn't shake my feeling of apprehension about those young men. They were so good looking and young. I hadn't seen two men like that since the Cullens in Forks….

My breath caught in my throat as I realized the truth. Those men were the Cullens. Jasper and Emmett; I should have known them at first sight: the pale skin, the dark circles below their sepia eyes. I had envisioned such a man so many times. Laurent interrupted my musing and reminded me that I still hadn't hit a grand that night. I grumbled but went back to the odious task of collecting tips. I walked around in a daze. When it was time to close my till I had collected a fair amount from the regulars. I changed back into my jeans.

The late October night hung with petulant clouds. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I hurried to my car. I turned the ignition and let the cab warm up. The tide of vision filled my mind. How many nights was I going to spend dreaming of that man, and his artful eyes that converted with the time? I could close my eyes and envision the malignant flash in his eyes when I sat next to him on my first day at school. As I put the car into drive I saw a flash of a silver Volvo peel out of the parking lot.

**

* * *

**

Thoughts? Rants? I can take it! This Bella is not innocent. Where do you want to see this go? I want some thoughts on this. I'm almost done with Chapter 2. Let me know what you think. Mucho Love!

**Side note: If you are following Anagenisis my computer crashed and it is being repaired. I should have the next chapter up soon. **


	2. Six Underground

**I own the ability to make an ass of myself at beer pong and an obsession with Pyramid Haywire. (Totally name drops here)**

**My Super de Duper Betas are MissEsme and xedwardxloverx. Thanks Ladies!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the story, characters and my heart**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

I fake my life like I've lived  
Too much, I take whatever you're given  
Not enough

**Six Underground**

**BPOV**

I tossed and turned that night in a flurry of dreams. It was flashes of bronze hair and dark eyes. I dreamt that I was in my room in Forks.

_The blankets were twisted around me as I tossed and turned restlessly. A dark figure stood at the foot of the bed and watched me. He sauntered over to me, traced the line of my jaw and whispered my name. I could feel the biting graze of his hand and I shivered in pleasure at the contact. He hummed a sweet lullaby and I fell deeper into my dreams. The walls around me fell away. The sun shone in the crystal sky and I held my face up to breathe in the salt air. The trees around me hung heavy with moss. I saw the dark figure retreat into the woods and I followed mutedly. I tripped over the roots repeatedly but never fell. _

_The dark figure stopped ahead of me and I stood behind him gazing at the burnished locks. His shoulders tensed as he slowly turned to me. I gazed into his deep tawny eyes. I brought my hand up to his chest and it cooled from the touch. He gave me a diabolical smile. I licked my lips expectantly. He leaned down and brushed his nose across my jaw. His cool and sweet lips enveloped mine. I felt my body become malleable against his chest. I breathed in the sunshine and honey on his skin. He broke away. Looking down I whispered "I knew you'd come back to me. I knew you'd come home."_

My alarm went off, jarring me awake. I sat up in bed and ran my fingers over my lips. It was as if I could taste the honey on my lips. I lay back down, savoring the memory of my dream. I knew that I would have to get up and make Ryland his breakfast soon. I had only a few winsome moments to replay my thoughts.

Most of the time after I dreamt of Edward, I would try to clear my mind of him. I knew that I would never have a man like that, and I would never be that woman—especially now. I had enough to worry about with Ryland without having fantasies about a perfect man I barely knew. Especially one who had been almost cruel to me when he wasn't saving my life.

_He didn't save you from everything. He didn't save you from yourself._

I pushed the thought out of my mind. I couldn't dwell on the past and the mistakes I've made. I was trying to make amends the only way I knew how. Every day I woke up and made my life look like I knew what I was doing. Of course, I had no clue. I questioned every choice I made. The guilt I felt was immense. I was failing Ryland every day. I had failed him before he was even born. He deserved better then the life I could offer him.

I rolled out of bed and began to make pancakes for Ryland. It was our tradition on the weekends. I would make him his favorite breakfast treat and then we would spend the day together doing fun things. Today I woke up extra early because we would be picking up a friend at the airport. I wanted Ryland to have some Mommy-and-Me time before Jacob arrived. I was finishing the giraffe pancake my Grandpa Swan had taught me to make and was gazing out the kitchen window when I heard Ryland pad in behind me. I dished him up and made myself a bowl of low-fat yogurt. I needed to watch my figure for work. When I wasn't dreaming of Edward, I would dream of cake and greasy pizza. It was laughable, the things that I fantasized about. I once spent an hour ogling an éclair at Johnny's Bakery; it was practically a crime. We got ready quickly and set off for the park. I sat on the bench and watched Ryland on the slide. He was the spitting image of his father: the dirty blond hair, the lanky body and full smile. He had my eyes and Charlie's curls. I wish he looked more like my mom, but I saw her in his personality; he was so charming and personable. I was constantly having people telling me he was precocious. I knew it was true—he had Renee's fun-loving demeanor. When he would smile at me with that wicked glint in his eyes I could see her. It almost scared me at times. That's when I knew I was far too serious. He made me take chances, my special little guy. Smiling wistfully I looked around and saw a silver Volvo parked under a tree across the way. I felt my chest flip for a moment. I steadied my breath and narrowed my eyes at the car. Ever since high school all I could think was 'stupid shiny Volvo owner'. I was distracted by the car and didn't hear the rustling of someone sitting next to me until he spoke up.

"Are things really that bad?"

I looked at him shocked. He had blond shaggy hair and straight white teeth. His skin was tan from the hot Phoenix sun and his green eyes sparkled at his joke. I regained my composure and I looked down, blushing. "No, I was distracted for a moment; thought I recognized something."

"What brings you to my park on this beautiful morning?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize public parks were private property. Seems a little unlikely, don't you think?"

He laughed at me. "Ah, you are a quick one aren't you?" His eyes traced down my body like I was a steak. "Now, you have a little hellion?"

"No, I have a son, and _my_ child is wonderful."

"Every parent says that."

"Yes, well for me it's true."

He stuck his hand out to me. "I'm James and that little ragamuffin in the purple dress is my niece Jillian."

I shook his hand firmly. "Bella; and my son is the cutie in the red shirt, Ryland."

"I know. I saw you two come in."

I shot him a smirk. He was cute. Perhaps a little too forward, but he seemed nice enough. "Did you know? You know some women might be put off by stalking."

He threw his head back to laugh. "Wow, you don't pull any punches, do you?"

I shrugged. "It weeds out the pansies I suppose."

He smiled wickedly at me. "Well Bella, I assure you that I am not a pansy. I am simply a twenty-something man who, when I see something I like, I have to try to get it. I noticed you right away and felt I needed to tell you that I noticed you." He paused and lowered his voice. "Even with that sour-grapes look you had on your face."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I need to watch that." I checked my watch and got up, putting my hand out. "I'm sorry, but we have to pick up someone at the airport. It was nice meeting you James, urm…."

"Richardson. James Richardson. And you are?"

"Bella Swan."

"Well it was great meeting you Bella and Ryland Swan. I'm sure we'll see each other again."

I smiled uncertainly as I yelled for Ryland. He came running and I held his hand as we walked away from James. Pulling out of the parking lot, I caught him following my little car with his eyes. As cute as he was I got an odd vibe from him. I considered switching parks before I dismissed the idea. It was his niece, not his daughter. How often could a man come to the park with his niece? I glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled at Ryland.

"You excited to see Uncle Jacob?"

"You bet Mommy! Do you think he'll bring me some huckleberries like last time?"

"I don't know Rye; I guess we'll just wait and see."

We rushed to find a parking spot and I carried Ryland on my hip as we hustled through the throngs of people at baggage claim. As we found the carousel I set him down and laid my purse down to fish for my cell. When I found it I raised my head up to see a shock of bronze hair and a short dark haired woman watching me through the crowd. I stared at them for a moment. My phone rang and I glanced down to check it. When I looked back up they were gone. I leaned down to pick up Ryland and clutch him warm. We stood there trying to shake the feeling of disconcertion.

**

* * *

**

EPOV

_**The previous night**_

I sat in the car, my mind a haze of thoughts. I wasn't sure what I was doing, driving back to see her. I told myself I would be done with her, that I would let her live her life, to find a man who would love her and protect her, a man who wouldn't hurt her. As I put the car key in the ignition Alice appeared at my side. "I'm going with you Edward."

"Alice, go back inside. I can't even handle my thoughts right now, let alone your clairvoyant ones. I need to do this myself."

"No, actually Edward, you are going to let me come and I am going to help you. You've already made your choice. You just don't see it yet. Your future is set right now."

I sighed heavily and ran through her thoughts. Scenes of Bella and me together: walking hand in hand down the moonlit streets, dancing under a gazebo. There were blurs of a dark face and a small child."

"I didn't catch that last part."

She crossed her arms across her chest. "Yeah I don't know what that's about either."

We sat in silence as Alice counted down the seconds until I would speak up. Reaching zero, I grumbled. "Fine Alice, come with. You're a huge pain in the ass, you know."

She smirked at me. "That's part of my charm."

We found ourselves parked in front of the club. Alice told me that Bella would be walking out in five minutes. I sat there rehearsing what I would say when I spoke to her. When we had one minute to go Alice put her hand on my sleeve. "Edward, I think you should stay here. Just watch her tonight. Here she comes."

I looked at the side door and watched her walking out of the club. She had a cigarette pressed between her lips and clutched her coat around her frail arms. Her hair was shorter, almost past her chin. Her eyes had a serious set to them. She rushed to her little car and started it. I gazed at her as she started the car and turned the heat on. She leaned back in her seat and shook out her mahogany hair. I could practically feel it on my fingers. I wanted to rip the door off my car door and go to her; to shake her and tell her to snap out of it; tell her that I would fix it; tell her that I would take care of her and she would never have to demean herself like that again. But I knew I couldn't fix anything. I tensed and threw the Volvo into reverse. The tires spun as I raced out of the parking lot. Alice didn't say anything, but her mind was a whirl of expletives.

_Fuck Edward, could you have been more obvious? You have to be the worst stalker ever._

"Shut it Alice. I don't want to hear your shit right now."

She glared at me. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm dropping you off and then I'm going to hunt." I shot her a glare. "By myself."

She narrowed her eyes, trying for a solution that would ensure she could stay and babysit me. Finally she sighed heavily. "Fine, be a dickhead. See if I care." She hopped out of the car and shot me a look. "I'll be watching you. Remember that."

I gorged myself on a coyote I found near town. It was hard to feed in the desert. Up north there was far more cover to disguise what we were. Here there was no way I could even go out on a cloudy day because of the chance of a sun break. Driving back, I passed the club. Without thought I parked in front and bent the bars over an open window like it was play dough. I climbed through and found the manager's office. I looked through the file cabinets until I found her file. I reviewed the sparse information: a phone number and an address. It would be all I needed. I put everything back and left through the window bending the bars back into place.

I must have sat outside her apartment for over an hour debating my actions. The monster inside me prevailed and I found myself opening the sliding glass door soundlessly. I stood in her living room for a few moments. It was clean; Bella obviously took her housekeeping duties seriously. I walked to her book shelf. She had the same classics that sat on the shelf in Forks. Next to them sat law books. I studied the titles and nodded; it wasn't that surprising that Bella would want to be a lawyer. She was unusually observant, not even counting her penchant for arguments. The air hung heavy with her floral scent. I had gone so long without it, and I felt the venom flood my mouth. I swallowed and steeled myself. I followed the trail until I got to her door. I opened the door and stood there, staring at her sleeping form; her cinnamon hair splayed over her pillow; the cream and strawberry flush on her skin. Her body was softer then it was in high school, her breasts full and heavy on her body, her hips curving between her legs. I gazed down her form; I felt myself harden at her sight. She completely intoxicated me. I walked to her side and held my hand over her, hesitating. She called to me with her sensual electricity. As if emancipated, I watched my hand come down the side of her jaw. I trailed my finger over cheek. Her heat coursed through me. I held my hand to her and saw her shiver. I pulled away, ashamed. I watched her wordlessly. She turned to me. "Edward" My icy heart clenched. I walked over to her and, without premeditation, leaned down and brushed my lips against hers. I tasted the vanilla and cream on her lips. She shivered again and turned away. I pulled away and ran out of the room, ducking through the window and into my car. I shook with anger at myself. All those years, I swore I would stay away, and yet here I was, taking advantage of her in her slumber. I leaned back and closed my eyes, wishing I could sleep.

Hours passed and soon the lunar light was replaced with an orb of sunlight. I saw her car leave and I struggled to pull out behind it. The traffic leading out of theAhwatukee streets was bumper to bumper. I lost her at the I-10 overpass. I drove around trying to see her in people's minds. After scavenging for a while I saw her. She had styled her hair to fan around her heart-shaped face. Her chocolate eyes lit up at something she was looking at. The man eyed her body and began to evaluate the things he would do to her. The gas pedal became heavy under my foot as I raced to follow his thoughts. I pulled into the parking lot of the park and saw her sitting on a bench. I observed the young blond man saunter over to her considering her. When I looked back at her she was glaring at my car. I felt a lump in my throat as I knew she must know it was me. The man began to talk to her about his park. She put him in his place. As he began to undress her with his eyes I shut him out and focused on the children playing on the swings. Children's thoughts were always soothing and after a few minutes I felt pacified. When I looked back at Bella the man was sitting alone on the bench. I looked around to see her car pulling away. I scrounged through the man's head to find out what happened. His mind was a cesspool of dirty thoughts. I endured it for a minute before I heard him think.

_Maybe I should try to bump into her again at the airport…._

With that I turned my car on and drove away. As I drove back to the motel to get Alice I thought back on the last time I felt this possessive.

**Over Five years prior**

**EPOV**

I sat outside the small white house gazing through her bedroom window. Every time I was here I questioned myself. Dusk began to fall on the peculiarly sunny day. In a few moments I could climb down from my oak tree campout and join the population. I listened to the phone conversation going on inside the house. Bella's voice whispered "Jessica, I just have to wait until Charlie falls asleep and I'll be there. He's as predictable as the weather around here." She paused and then giggled. "No, just save me some beer and a cute boy and I'll be fine."

I moved to another branch and watched Bella dress for the party. She pulled on a thin low-cut shirt that wasn't close to being appropriate for the November weather. She applied thick swipes of eyeliner and dark lipstick. She looked so different from the girl I knew only a year prior. She was acerbic when she once was amiable, rough where she once was smooth. Still, with the change I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was beautiful and delicate in her posture. She still bit her lip and scrunched her brow. She was still my Bella. I watched her leave and I followed her decrepit truck up a long dirt driveway. She got out and joined her friends at the large pyre in the clearing. I found a large tree to hide in as I watched over Bella. She hugged a girl I recognized as Jessica Stanley. Jessica's mind was as insipid as ever. Bella stood at the fire, clutching her beer as a cross. Jessica leaned in.

"There's a new guy here. I'll tell you, if I wasn't with Mike, I would swoop him right up. Blonde, blue eyes, tan: my kind of man." Bella followed her eyes to a man standing across the heap. He waved at her and she smiled shyly at him. I switched to his thoughts. He was assessing her.

_So that's the girl Jessica was talking about, Belle something. Nice rack, skinny, cute butt. She looks like she'd be a good time. Nice smile, too. Yeah, I'll need to get to know this girl._

I broke a tree branch as I watched the boy approach Bella. "So you are the elusive Belle?"

She looked down and bit her lip. "Bella Swan."

He laughed. "Beautiful Bird?" His eyes raked down her body. "Well I can't disagree with the name. I'm Riley Natrall."

She stuck out her hand and shook his. "It's nice to meet you Riley."

"Can I get you a better beer than this? I know everyone here loves the Rainer but I'm impartial to the better beers. I swiped some Pyramid Hefeweizen from my stepdad. Or I have a fifth of vodka and some juice if you'd like."

"I would love a fruity drink actually."

"Okay, I'll make you one then." He walked to his car and began mixing a strong vodka and cranberry juice. _That should do the trick. _He walked back to her and she took a long drink from the red cup. Riley watched in delight. _This will be easy._

I watched them talk and Bella became more and more drunk with Riley. At one point someone turned some music on and Bella and Jessica got up and began to dance together, grinding their hips against one another. I know that most men would enjoy it. Hell, I know I would have enjoyed it had the girl involved be anyone but Bella. After her third stiff drink Riley and Bella wandered into the woods. I jumped down with a low thud and followed her scent through the trees. I watched them sitting at the base of a cedar tree, on his jacket. He was asking her about herself and she did her best to avoid all personal questions. He slung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "Bella, I really like you. Do you think I could call you sometime?"

"Of course you can. Give me your cell; I'll give you my number." She programmed her number in and handed it back to him. "I'd like to see you again."

Riley looked down at her and leaned forward. I knew what was coming. I had seen it so many times in my mind: touching Bella, feeling her soft heat against me, her pert breasts against my chest, her teeth against my neck….I closed my eyes but could not get out of his head. He gently pressed his lips to hers. Her hot mouth moved against him and he pushed his tongue through her teeth. He laced his hand through her hair and pulled her close. I could taste the vanilla and beer on her breath. He hardened and pushed her hand to the front of his pants. Next to me the rock I was holding onto crumbled with a crack. I looked down and realized I had caused a commotion. I turned on my heels and darted out of the woods and away from Bella.

**Present day**

"Okay, so just to be clear, you need me to see which terminal Bella is going to so that you can watch her?" I nodded at Alice. "Okay then as long as I'm clear on your expectations."

We parked at Sky Harbor Airport and were able to make our way through the concourse, all the while avoiding sunlight. Alice stopped at baggage claim and glanced at me. "She's going to be coming from that direction. Don't look yet. She'll put her purse down and then you can look while she's distracted." I followed her thoughts and sure enough, she appeared in a break in the crowd. She fished through her purse looking for a lost object. I could hear Alice warning me.

_Move if you don't want to be seen Edward. We'll need to move now!_

My body was stationary as she raised her head and looked me directly in the eyes. Time stopped for that moment as I held her contact. Her phone buzzed in her hand and she glanced down, answering the phone. I turned away. Alice followed me out of Bella's sightline. I could see her through the breaks in the crowd. I felt complete for a moment before he appeared. The man crossed the floor and picked Bella off the floor to swing her around. His long dark hair and russet skin gleamed in her eyes. He kissed her forehead as he set her down. He bent down out of my sight for a moment and I watched as the emotion passed over Bella's face: love. She loved this man, this werewolf.

**

* * *

**

So there's Chapter 2. I'm trying to work on this as fast as I can. I really love working with Edward's view. I love these characters. (Can you tell?) Not to worry my sweets I believe in happy endings and this story is all canons with some minor changes. Questions, concerns, flames? (Okay not flames) give it to me.

**Credit goes to Sneaker Pimps-Six Underground**

**The more reviews the faster I can get chapter three up! It's a sliding scale system. So push that little button right there. Yes, down there.**


	3. Heavy Cross

**My Super de Duper Betas are MissEsme and xedwardxloverx. Thanks Ladies!**

**I own all the seasons of Nip/Tuck**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the story, characters and my heart**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

_It's a funny way, to make ends meet, __  
__when the lights are out on every street, __  
__it feels alright, but never complete, __  
__without joy_

Heavy Cross

BPOV

Jacob cleared the floor in large paces before picking me up and swinging me around. He clutched me tight to his smoldering chest. He set me down and kissed the top of my head. "Christ Bells, I've missed you." He got down on his knees and gave Ryland a firm hug. I watched my best friend embrace my son and felt my heart swell with love for having Jacob's friendship in my life. "You too, my little nipper! You been practicing those dance moves I taught you?"

"I have Uncle Jake. I'm a dancing guy now!"

"That's my boy!"

"Did you bring me some huckleberries?"

I chided Ryland. "Rye, wait until we get home before asking Uncle Jacob for things."

Jacob laughed at me. "I did Rye-dog." He smirked at me and straightened up—he towered over me. He held out his arm and I wrapped my arms around his thick waist. I breathed in his woodsy musky scent. His tawny skin contrasted against my alabaster. I ruffled his long dark hair.

"I thought you had to keep your hair short for the pack?"

He laughed at my tongue-in-cheek comment about his werewolf tendencies. "I do, but I know you like it long so I let it grow out."

"Geez Jake, you don't have to do that for me."

He gazed down at me, his smile fading. "Sure I do Bella."

I looked away flustered. I motioned to the baggage claim. "You should grab your bag before someone steals it."

His eyes gleamed with a joke. "I'd like to see someone try."

Jacob offered to take us out to lunch. Ryland insisted on going to get a hamburger. We sat down and had no sooner placed our order when Jacob began to interrogate me. "So Bella, what have you been doing lately?"

I shrugged. "The same, you know....School, work, hanging out with Rye."

"What are you doing for work? Are you still a barista?"

I bit my lip. I did not want to have this conversation with Jacob. I considered lying to him about my job but decided against it. I knew he would figure it out eventually. "I'm a cocktail waitress right now. Much better tips."

"Oh yeah? Where at?"

"At Louie's Cabaret...." I stopped when I saw the look on his face.

"Cabaret? Like a dancing Cabaret?"

"Well yeah, it's a dancing cabaret, but I'm a waitress."

He leaned toward me and hissed too low for even Ryland to hear, "Are you telling me you're working at a strip club? Please tell me this is a joke!"

I huffed loudly. "Quit being overdramatic Jacob. I'm just a waitress."

"That's how these things start you know. Everyone was a waitress first."

"Give me an f-ing break Jacob. You've seen me dance. Do you think I could do that on stage? I can barely walk in those heels, let alone dance."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "If you're in trouble you should come home. You shouldn't be working in a place like that."

I looked down at Ryland and handed him his coloring book and markers. I lowered my voice. "A few things. First, I don't want to talk about this in front of Ryland, but I need you to realize that I'm a big girl and I can handle myself just fine. I'm 24 for god's sake—I can handle a few drunken men. Besides, they aren't allowed to touch us. It would be the same as any other bar." He scoffed loudly. "And secondly, I have no home to 'come home' to. I'm never going back to Forks, if that's what you are implying. You know you are the only one I've kept in contact with up there. I talk to you more often then I talk to Charlie even."

His voice softened. "I'm sure if Charlie knew he would try to help you."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I doubt it. You know, he has never even seen Ryland. Ryland has never met his grandfather, and I am not going to take responsibility for that."

"Bella, it's not like that anymore. Charlie stopped drinking; he's going to meetings and trying to get his act together." Jacob looked away from me. "That's one of the reasons I came down here."

I crossed my arms in front of me, contemplating his comment. "Could you elaborate please? Last I checked my father thinks I'm a whore and a failure; I gave him a bad name and disgraced my dead mother. Did I forget anything?"

"He's different now. He finally went to that rehab center. The station even helped pay for it. He goes to meetings every week. He is trying to make amends with those he hurt."

"He is trying to make amends and you are the one who tells me all this? It doesn't work that way Jacob Black. If that's why you came down here then I'll drive you back to the airport right now. You can catch the next flight out. I don't need someone telling me what I need to do or how to feel."

Jacob put his head in his hands. I watched him struggle for the words. "That's not why I came down Bella. I came down because I miss you. I came down because I have time off from school, and I came down because I have news. Charlie just asked me to pass on the message."

"Okay, message delivered." I narrowed my eyes at him as the food was being set in front of us. We chewed in silence for a few minutes before Jacob broke the calm. I was drawing on the Spiderman book, coloring in the eyes while Ryland was dipping his fries into the ketchup. Jacob cleared his throat.

"Okay, I'm sorry Bells. I haven't seen you in over a year and the first opportunity I get, I turn into a pushy asshole." I shot him a look and then pointed to Ryland. Jacob went pink and he stuttered. "I mean, as mean as can be."

I rolled my eyes at his attempt to cover his swearword. I laid the marker down and picked up my fork to take a bite of my salad. I watched him squirm in his seat as I made him wait. I chewed slowly and then brought my eyes to meet his. "I forgive you Jake. You know you're my best friend. I wish there was a way I could have told you before you came down, but I don't think Hallmark has a 'hey I work at a strip club' card."

He laughed. "I wish they did—that would be awesome. Maybe it would even play "_Pour some sugar on me" _when you opened it. How cool would that be?" Despite the tension in the air, as well as Jacob's reference to the corny 80's hair band music he was now singing, I began to laugh. He joined in and before I knew it the three of us were laughing uproariously. After a few minutes, and a handful of dirty looks from our fellow lunchers, we calmed.

Wiping a tear from my eye, I spoke up. "Okay so what is this news?"

He smirked at me. "Well actually, there is another reason that I want you to come home. I've met someone."

I beamed at him. "No way. Jacob Black you've been holding out on me. I want to hear all about her!"

His shoulders softened as he leaned forward. "Her name is Elizabeth Graham. Lizzie and I met at the shop. She came in to have her bike worked on and I was the mechanic. We started talking, and I just asked her out. We've been dating for over six months." His face lit up while talking about her. "She has to be the prettiest, funniest, smartest girl I know—aside from you of course."

"Of course. That goes without saying."

He laughed. "And she appreciates cars as much as I do. She really loves them."

I smiled, saying "Looks like you found your soul mate."

His eyes grew wistful. He leaned forward, whispering "She might be, Bella. I never thought I could feel this way about a girl after you."

I fidgeted for a moment. "Jake" I warned.

He shook his head and replied. "No, I mean how I used to feel about you. It's no secret I was crazy about you. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't in love with you at a point, but now that I met Lizzie…."

I prodded. "It's different."

"Yeah" he asserted. "I'm going to propose. I came down here so you could help me find a ring."

I exclaimed "Oh, Jake I would love to help you. Do you want to go now? We could run over to the Scottsdale Mall now. I know some great stores they have there."

He laughed at me before responding. "Slow down there Jelly Belly." I rolled my eyes at his nickname. "Why don't we finish our food first?"

I nodded all business-like. "That sounds good."

We found the Tiffany & Co store easily and were soon standing at the counter looking over the coruscated stones. I held tight to Ryland's hand so he didn't knock over a million dollar sculpture; that would be just my luck. The sales associate approached us. I glanced at her tag, "Kitty". She eyed my casual outfit, the pale blond child holding onto my hand and Jacob's tawny skin. I disliked her immediately. She put on an unconvincing smile and asked "Can I help you find anything?"

Jacob held her eye contact and smirked. He replied "Yes, I need to find an engagement ring. I need a one carat round diamond solitaire in a platinum setting."

I smirked; Jacob had done his homework. The woman widened her eyes and then nodded sheepishly. "Please come this way. I have some exquisite rings over here."

We walked to the gleaming case and peered down as Kitty brought out some rings for us to look at. Jacob inspected each one and finally handed a simple solitaire to her. "I'll be taking this one."

She nodded, pleased with herself. "Very good; would your fiancée be wearing this out or would you like it to be boxed up?"

I sputtered. "I'm not his fiancée. I'm just a friend. I'm not getting married."

Jacob rolled his eyes at me, mumbling "Smooth, freak out much?" He looked up at Kitty. "Please box it up, and I will also take the silver bracelet over there."

I stifled a cry when the items were rung up, but Jacob said nothing and just pulled out his credit card to pay. He winked at me. "Bella, a diamond is forever, you know."

We walked over to the food court where I got Ryland an ice cream cone. Jacob and I shared a strawberry banana smoothie. Jacob took the little blue box out of the bag. "I can't believe I'm going to do this. It's a little daunting to think about." He looked up at me and whimpered. "What if she says no?"

I reassured him. "She won't say no. Jacob William Black, you are an amazing guy and she would be a fool to say no to you."

"You said no to me…" he reminded.

I shrugged. "I'm a fool, you already knew that."

He pondered for a moment. "Yeah you're right. I'm a catch." That was something I loved about Jacob. He couldn't be anything but happy. He opened his mouth for Ryland to give him a bite of ice cream. Ryland smudged chocolate on Jacob's nose. Jacob wiped it off and tickled Ryland on his knees. Ryland squirmed in his seat, laughing hysterically. I giggled watching them, my boys. Jacob raised his hands in a defeated pose. "Okay, no more, Rye-dog. I'm done. Uncle Jake is tired."

Ryland chuckled. "It's because you know I'll beat you Uncle Jake."

Jacob nodded seriously. "Yeah, you're right. You'd beat me. I'm cutting my losses. There will be a rematch though."

"Bring it on!" Ryland taunted.

I interrupted them. "Hey Rye, do you want to go play in the play area?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed. He jumped up and threw his ice cream away. He came back and dragged Jacob across the mall into the play area. We helped him get his shoes off and he set off to play. Jacob sat down and swiped the smoothie from my hands. He pointed the straw at me. "Now that I'm going to be an old married man, you should start thinking about finding someone."

I shot him a ferocious look. "Why? Men only let you down."

Jacob covered his heart and feigned pain. "Oh, your words cut so deep."

I flapped a hand at him. "You know what I mean."

He leaned back and put an arm around the back of my seat. "I mean it though, Bells. Ryland needs a father. I know you don't have anyone down here. If you could come home I would be around. It could be good for Ryland, Uncle Jake always being there."

"I didn't have a father most of my life and when I did…well you saw Charlie. How was dealing with that supposed to help me? A child doesn't need a father if the mother is good enough" I retorted.

He leaned forward, his hands pressed together. "Yeah they do, Bella. I'm not saying you need a husband, but Ryland needs a good male role model in his life. Children need both."

"When did you become the expert of child rearing? Did you have twins while I was away?" I snapped.

"It's a fact Bella, common knowledge. Children need both examples in their lives; just think about it."

I looked away from Jacob and watched Ryland climb up the giant foam slide and go down on his belly. Seconds ticked by. I whispered "Jacob, I can't go home. Not after everything that has happened to me. I have far too many bad memories up there. Riley, my dad, Port Angeles….I came down here for a clean slate. That is what I need. And as for a man…." I rubbed my face, dejected. "I'll think about that when I graduate from school. I have bigger fish to fry."

Jacob nodded at me, closing the conversation.

While I fumbled with my keys on the door of my apartment, Jacob carried Ryland on his shoulders and held his large duffel bag. I briefed Jacob on how to do babysitting duties while I was working. "So I'll put him to sleep and then I need to go to work. I should be back by three. You can stay in my room if you want. You don't have to stay up as long as you have the monitor with you."

"Yeah, I've watched him before, Bella. I know what to do."

"And the numbers are on the fridge; poison control, my work, 911" I droned on.

"I think I got 911 down. You worry too much."

"I wish I didn't have to work tonight. Thanks for watching him. I promise you can come to work with me tomorrow."

"As long as you introduce me to some of your friends" he teased.

I swatted him playfully. "Jake, you are practically a married man." I laughed.

I finally opened the door and stumbled into the hall. Jacob followed behind me and froze in the foyer. He gently placed Ryland on the tile floor. He held a hand out to me. "Stay where you are Bella. I need to check something."

"What, why Jake? My apartment is fine. Stop worrying."

"Bella, stop. I said stay there" he roared at me. I shrunk back on the wall and grabbed Ryland's hand. Ryland clung to me at Jacob's outburst. Jacob raced past me as he walked around the apartment checking all the rooms and closets. I heard doors being open and shut. He was slamming cabinets and stomping dirt all over the floor.

"Jacob, what are you doing?" I yelled.

He came back and grabbed my arm. "You need to get out of here Bella; both of you need to leave right now."

"No, you need to tell me what is wrong. This is my apartment and I am not leaving until you give me a good reason" I asserted.

Jacob leaned into me whispering "Vampire—there was a vampire here."

**

* * *

**

EPOV

I sat in the car for hours. I dropped Alice off in the parking garage and then I drove around in circles: where the I-10 turned to the 101, up and down Grand Avenue, through the tough neighborhoods on Camelback and the nice neighborhoods in Paradise Valley. I drove until the sun set behind the smog and I could get out of the car. I parked in front of a ball field off Bell Road. I sat on the hood of the Volvo and watched some children playing catch. I listened to the sound of the ball whistling through the air; the low smack of the ball hitting the mitt. The bright tones of their thoughts soothed me. I closed my eyes. I had never wanted sleep as much as when I was thinking of Bella. In that moment, when her eyes met mine, I felt the spark of a low burning flame. I was frozen in her presence. I yearned to walk to her; to close the gap between us and touch her soft cheek; to pick her up and hold her warm body against mine; to peruse her rose lips and whisper her name. My foot had almost picked up from the ground when he appeared. When I saw him holding her, feeling her, loving her, I felt like I was doused in cold water. I knew what he was. I could smell him through all the humans standing in the way: pungent and stale, how all werewolves smell. Of all the men that Bella could meet, she had to love a werewolf? What were the chances? I knew she was a magnet for trouble, a beacon for danger. She was trouble from the day I set eyes on her. And yet I knew I couldn't stay away. I wanted her around me so badly. I wanted to smell her and taste her breath on my lips. How could I ever leave again? More importantly, how could I stay? What was I going to do? Stalk behind her, watching her every move, standing in the shadows for fear of the sun? How do you even talk to a woman like Bella?

I heard the ball whiz towards me and, reflexively, I reached up to catch it. My movement was imperceptible to the human eye. The boys ran towards me. I held the ball out and called out. "Is this yours?"

They took me in: the car, the nice clothes, the pale skin, and the topaz eyes. They nodded mutedly. I threw it back at them.

"Thanks, our mom would kill us if we lost another ball" the older one said.

I gave them my slight smile, not wanting to scare them. "Not a problem."

The older one stuck out his hand. "I'm Jason, and this is my little brother Tommy."

I shook his hand quickly, not wanting to freak him out by my temperature. "Nice to meet you boys. I'm Edward Cullen."

Tommy spoke up. "You're not from here."

I chuckled. "What would make you say that?"

He pointed to my car. "Your car. We don't have trees on our plates here."

I nodded at him. "You are quite astute aren't you? No. I'm from Washington State."

Jason replied "Like Seattle? Like the Seahawks?"

I nodded. "Yeah, like the Seahawks."

Tommy chimed in "My daddy says the Seahawks suck."

I laughed at him. "Well, sometimes your daddy is right."

Jason sized me up. "So, what are you doing sitting on your car at an empty park at night?"

I sighed. Children are so much more perceptive, and less shy to embarrass. "I just needed to sit and think."

Jason sighed heavily, nodding his head. "Girl trouble? Man don't I know it." I struggled to bite the laughter back. He kept on talking. "Let me give you some advice Edward; go see her and tell her how you feel. What's the worst that could happen? It worked for me."

I frowned at him. I asked "How old are you?"

He straightened up tall, answering "I am thirteen."

I stood up and patted his shoulder. "Well Jason, those are some wise words from a thirteen year old. I think I might take them."

I climbed in my car and started driving back to the only place I wanted to be. The last place I should be. The bar was smoky and humid. I weaved between the fevered bodies, careful not to touch anyone. I glanced around the bar listening for a silent spot. I saw her come out from behind the bar. She wore a short silver sequin dress and tall black boots. He ass hung out of the bottom of the dress and her breasts strained against the bust. She looked like a luscious stack of quarters. I watched her as she walked around to hand out the drinks. She leaned down and flirted. She laughed at their jokes. She shook her ass at the patrons to the beat of the music.

_Just because she feeds me well__  
__and she made me talk dirty in a pink hotel__  
__doesn't mean she's got eyes for me_

If I wasn't so perceptive I would have assumed she was a different person. But Bella was still there. She tripped a bit over a chair; she blushed when she was talking to the bartender. Beneath the glitter powder, smoke and Victoria's Secret lotion, she still smelled the same—like freesia and peppermint. Her eyes were still caverns of mahogany and secrets. I had to know her.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

I stood outside, smoking and thinking. I was infuriated at Jacob. Not only did he not let me go into my apartment but he tried to unsuccessfully insist that we stay in a hotel so he could "get to the bottom of this."

Whatever that meant. Sure, I was intrigued when he said there was a vampire in my apartment, but I still wasn't sure that I believed in all supernatural creatures. I took me a long time before I believed him about the pack. Jacob and I had tried to go on a few dates and then he stopped calling me. Just like that, he was gone. I called his dad every day for weeks with no response. It was months later when I went down to visit him, to confront him. I found him stalking into the woods. I watched as he phased and stood there next to three other gigantic wolves. I screamed and ran away. That night Jacob climbed through my window, pleaded with me to hear him out—that because I already knew the secret he could tell me everything. Begrudgingly I allowed him to sit and tell me. He shared about how the power was passed down from son to son; how his Grandfather was the last chief of the Quileute's. He told me about the speed of running and how fast he could heal. Then he told me why they existed.

_Werewolves have one enemy, the vampire. We wouldn't exist if it wasn't for them._

I sat and took it all in. I asked few questions and kept my ideas to myself. It had been before everything had changed; before my mom, before Riley, before…..

Delia interrupted my thoughts with a tap on the shoulder. She reminded me. "Bella sweetie, Laurent is looking for you. You'd better get those drinks out."

I stubbed out my cigarette and followed her inside. I grabbed my tray and pasted on my sexy smile. I handed out the drinks and made sexual innuendos to the customers. I laughed at their off color jokes. I danced to the beat. The more outgoing I pretended to be, the more tips I got. It was a necessary evil. Once my tray was empty I began my rounds to the new tables. I pushed the red hairs out of my face and adjusted my slinky dress. I took the order from a table celebrating a bachelor party. They asked me for a dance.

"Sorry, I can't do that. I'm just here for the drinks. I'll send over one of the girls though. Which one strikes your fancy?"

The groom leered at me. "You darling, you can stroke my fancy anytime. I have a thing for redheads, you know."

His friends laughed and one chimed in "Do the curtains match the drapes, Ginger?"

I rolled my eyes. There wouldn't be a night where I didn't hear that one. I leaned forward inches from the drunk man's face. I could smell the bourbon on his breath. I whispered "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Before he could react I had sauntered across the room. I could hear them laughing boorishly behind me. I checked my tickets and decided to get one more order before going back to the bar. Looking back at the rowdy group I approached the table. I glanced down at the notepad. I asked "Hi, would you like a drink?"

Velvet smooth and cool, I heard him. "No Bella, I would like to talk to you."

I snapped my head up and was greeted by a site that my dreams couldn't have prepared me for. He was the same—his unkempt copper hair and slicing amber eyes. His jaw was tense and he still had the slight stubble on his chin. He even still had those shadows under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in weeks. He ran his long fingers through his hair and waved at the seat next to him. "Could you sit for a moment?"

I stared at him before stuttering "Uh, no, no I can't. I mean, I'm working. I can't do this now. I'll send someone over to take your drink order."

I turned on my heels and fled to the bar. I placed the orders and delivered them quickly. I ran outside and with my hands shaking lit another cigarette. I leaned against the wall and pleaded with myself.

_Please don't let that be Edward Cullen in there—my savior, my hero, my downfall. Please say I didn't act like such an idiot in front of that Adonis. I am such a fool._

I took a trembling drag and closed my eyes. I heard the door open and shut. I heard Delia step in front of me. "Bella?"

I opened my eyes and saw she had those frown lines on her forehead. I murmured "Hey Delia."

She pursed her lips before asking me "What is going on with you right now? I got to say, you are acting like a crazy woman right now."

I sighed. "I know, I know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I considered her. She had always been so warm towards me. It was time for me to take the leap and let people in again. My voice rushed out. "My friend Jacob from my home town is down here and he is being protective of me and trying to get me to move back to Forks. I told him I wouldn't. And to top it off I just saw a man that I have been obsessing over for the past seven years in there and I made a total ass of myself."

Her eyes darted to the doorway. "Which guy was it? Please tell me it was the sex pot in the back wearing the blue button up. I would totally give him a freebie."

I smirked at her. "I bet. Yeah, they're one and the same. Edward Fucking Cullen. That man has some timing, I'll tell you." I took a final drag of my cigarette before grinding it into the ground. I stuck my head through the door to peer at him. He sat back in the booth. Everyone gave him wide berth. My eyes trained on his shape. I murmured "He saved my life."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Like metaphorically?"

"Like physically, a car almost hit me and he pulled me out of the way" I said; I muttered silently "And pushed the car away using his hands."

She covered her heart, letting out a squeal. "Oh my goodness Bella! That is incredible. Wow, Prince Sexy Pants swoops in and saves the day."

I smiled at her and motioned to the door. "I should go back in before Laurent comes looking for me."

"Oh who cares about him?" Delia teased. "You need to go talk to Sir Hunk-a-lot."

I frowned, replying "I know how intelligent you are and Sir Hunk-a-lot is all you come up with? Delia, you're going to be a teacher with that vocabulary?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not going to be teaching anatomy Bella. Now quit stalling and go talk to him."

I turned away from the door and looked her in the eyes, asserting once again. "I can't go talk to him. I'm going to have Justine take his table. I know she'll want the tips."

I stalked away, leaving Delia in the doorway. I showed Justine the table I wanted her to take. I told her that the man gave me the creeps. She bought my story and for the rest of the night I walked around trying to distract myself from Edward. He ordered an expensive bottle of liquor but never drank from it. I would glance at him every so often and find him watching me. He never looked at the dancers. It made me nervous. I must have made a bigger ass of myself then I thought. His eyes were dark and his shell lips pulled tight in a grimace. The night could not end soon enough. At quarter to one Laurent told me I could leave early. I closed out my till and changed out of my ridiculous silver dress and into my jeans and white sweater. I hurried out the door without bothering to check and see if Edward was still there; I had embarrassed myself enough for one night. I rifled through my oversized bag, pulling out wrappers and small legos until I found my keys. I fumbled with them, trying to shove all my extra items back in the bag when the key fell through my fingers. A flash of white shot out and caught them before they hit the ground. I looked up to see Edward leaning against the car.

He held them up, his voice teasing. "Are these yours?"

I looked around, stuttering. "How did you get there so fast? I didn't even see you."

He shrugged. "It's not my fault you're not very observant, is it?"

I thrust my hand out. "Whatever Edward. My keys; I want them back, thank you."

He swung them around on his finger. "I need to talk to you."

I glared at him. "This isn't a good time. I need to get home. I have someone waiting for me."

He nodded at me. "I'm sure he is. I want to talk to you though. I'll come find you another time."

He handed me my keys and walked away to his silver Volvo. I watched him start the car and drive away.

* * *

**Yeah, Bella finally talked to him! At least she knows he's around. This has been my favorite chapter to write so far. The next chapter's angsty.**

**The Gossip- Heavy Cross**

**Fratelli's-Flathead**

**Review and you get spoilers. Just saying....**


	4. Monster

**Mucho love for my Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**I own a membership to a wine club**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

I'm a glass child.

_  
__I am Hannah's regrets.__  
__Monster.__  
__How should I feel?__  
__Turn the sheets down.__  
__Murder ears with pillow lace.__  
__There's bath tubs.__  
__Full of glow flies.__  
__Bathe in kerosene.__  
__Their words tattooed in his veins_

**Monster**

**EPOV**

All night long I sat there, in this squalid bar. I felt as if I was in a Motley fucking Crue video. The place was full of trashy women with fake breasts and real daddy issues. I waited for her. I watched her intently—when she finally came up to take my drink order I was so sure I could charm her, flirt a little even. I wanted to coax her to come with me. I needed to get her out of this shit hole. I used my most velvet voice and the intense gaze I often used to get people to see things my way; instead she high-tailed it out of there, mumbling paper thin excuses. I knew I had messed up, came on too strong. I should have cut my losses but after talking with her for that moment I wanted her even more. Her cheeks flooded red and her blood pumped faster under her translucent skin. Her scent was more intoxicating then I remembered, even mixed with the filthy stench of cigarettes.

I almost grabbed her and made her sit with me.

I should have taken her out of this dump—thrown her over my shoulder and ran. No one would be able to fight me off. I knew eventually she would forgive me for kidnapping her and maybe even be grateful for helping her leave this situation. But I didn't, just like every other time I watched her walk away from me. It seemed to be the only response I could get from her. I watched her walk through the back door. One of the dancers, Kimber something, followed her out. I hesitated debating whether to listen in on her mind. I argued with myself until I gave in and zoned in on her thoughts. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I saw Bella standing against the brick wall smoking. She was shivering in the chilly air.

"_Edward Fucking Cullen. That man has some timing I'll tell you... He saved my life."_

"_Like metaphorically?"_

"_Like physically. A car almost hit me and he pulled me out of the way," _she mouthed "_And pushed the car away using his hands."_

Huh. I didn't expect that she would still remember that piece of information. Bella never ceased to surprise me with her reactions. While most would pass off my story Bella Swan seemed to cling to the truth. I was sure that I had convinced her otherwise. I had belittled her and made her second guess her views. She never mentioned it to her classmates in Forks. Why would she keep that kind of information secret? Surely that would have gotten some attention. The circumstances were suspicious enough. Maybe she didn't want people to think she was crazy. No one believed in the supernatural anymore. It was all fodder for sexy dramas and Halloween costumes. Still, I had a feeling there was more to it than risking embarrassment. I sensed that she was hiding something. She sauntered back into the club and began getting drinks for different tables. I waited for her to come back and serve me but another woman stood before me: tall, peroxide hair and sallow cheeks. She had a dragon tattoo wrapped around her torso. She was someone I'm sure most men would find attractive but I couldn't even see her.

"Hi there, I'm Chastity. Can I get you a drink?" she asked. I looked past her tall form at Bella serving other patrons. She smiled at me.

I eyed her sternly. I lowered my voice, "I need to talk to Bella."

"There is no one named Bella here. I'm here though," she purred, rubbing a hand down the front of my shirt.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. "I said I need to talk to Bella," I hissed through my teeth.

"And I said there is no Bella here. Now I'm going to need you to order something if you want to stay. There's a two drink minimum," she stated, her eyes narrowed. She rubbed her wrist tenderly.

I fished out a hundred dollar bill and handed it to her. "Bring me whatever this will pay for _un_opened and you can keep the rest if you stay away the remainder of the night."

She nodded curtly at me and walked away. Hopefully she would keep to my demands. She returned with a bottle of vodka I knew only cost thirty dollars but I didn't care. I would leave her another hundred if she stayed away. I returned to monitoring Bella. For hours I kept my eyes trained on her. I fought the urge to slaughter some of the cock-suckers in the club for the immoral thoughts they were having about Bella.

Finally I saw her go to the back and come out; her short brown hair was pushed off her face by a thin gold headband. Her face was clear of all the make-up she piled on. She wore jeans and a white sweater. God, that white sweater; her pert breasts caressed by the soft fabric, her taut stomach peeking out of the bottom above her jeans. I hardened at the sight. She looked so angelic and I desperately wanted to do devilish things to her. I imagined grabbing her by the waist. I would run my hand down the milky expanse of her neck. I'd pull her towards me and feel the heat from her center against my length, taste her sweet skin and her strawberry mouth. I would kiss down her body, pulling that sweater off and seeing her snowy skin blush pink. I'd trail my hand down to her pants, unbutton them, reach down….I rubbed my face. I needed to have my head together when I talked to her. I needed some composure. It wasn't a stretch for me to be having these fantasies. I was frozen at seventeen after all, teenage hormones and all. I just had never wanted to act on them before—not with Tanya even, who had been so beautiful, not to mention a vampire as well. It would have been so easy with Tanya but I could never bring myself to do more than kiss her. Thinking about Tanya brought me around. I could focus on having a conversation with Bella without trying to manhandle her.

I waited for her to walk out and I followed her to the empty parking lot. When she dropped her keys I raced to grab them, running faster than I should have. I easily could have been caught. I teased her about not noticing me. Her cheeks betrayed a brilliant blush when she saw me. Her breath hitched in her chest. In my most silky voice I told her we needed to talk and she shot me down again, saying she had someone waiting for her. Well didn't I know it. I saw them. Without thinking I blurted out, "I'm sure he is."

She looked at me, surprised. I realized my mistake immediately. If we had just ran into each other I wouldn't know anything about her. There should be no reason I should know about the man: that filthy werewolf. I had to find a way to get her away from him. The ways he would injury her made my cold blood boil. I got into my car and drove away before I made a bigger ass of myself.

Jasper and Emmett were waiting in my room for me when I returned. I nodded at them and tried to shut myself in the bathroom. Jasper caught the door. "Edward you need to go hunting with us. You should eat and you need to get your mind off the girl."

"Yeah, come on Bro. You've been a fucking drag dude. Come have fun with us. We won't take no for an answer," Emmett chimed in.

"What are you going to do? Force me? I will see every move you'll try to do," I reminded them.

They squirmed at the reminder and shot each other regretful looks. Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "Plan B?" he asked Jasper.

"True, but we were going to try to appeal to your emo side," Jasper said.

I cocked an eyebrow at them. They knew they couldn't overpower me, but they did know how to make me feel guilty. I bet Alice put them up to this. She could make Jasper do anything. Emmett probably wanted a fight; he was always looking for some action. I weighed my options. I knew that if I stayed holed up in the room I would go crazy and probably break into Bella's apartment again. I needed to stop doing that. Also, I felt guilty for making my family stay in Phoenix. It was the most preposterous place for a vampire to be. There were never clouds here. We hadn't seen daylight in days. I should probably go; ah the perils of family.

"Come on, E! We haven't hung out with our favorite drama queen in a while," Emmett pleaded, his hands folded together.

"Fine, but I won't be happy," I said, relenting.

"That's fine; you're never happy, we're used to it by now," Jasper replied.

We climbed into Emmett's jeep and started north. After an hour of driving we stopped and went to find our prey. After feeding, Emmett starting chasing after a rabbit saying he was going to bring it back for Rosalie. Emmett seemed to think Rose would want a pet. We laughed at the idea that Rosalie would do anything but rip its head off. My beautiful sister was the most ruthless vampire I'd ever known, not to mention the biggest bitch. Emmett loved her though; somehow she wasn't as bad when he was there. I thanked God he was because there were times I thought I was going to kill her, Volturi style. Jasper and I sat back against an Acacia tree trunk watching Emmett rustle up dust.

"Have you figured out what you're going to do about Bella?" Jasper asked.

"No," I sighed.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"I don't even know how I feel about her"-I broke off for a moment-"I mean I know I worry about her and want her to be happy. And then when I was at that club all I wanted to do was kill everyone who looked at her. What is that?" I asked.

"That, my brother is a bitch of an emotion called jealousy. You were jealous of those men being able to touch her, look at her," he explained.

"That's idiotic—I hardly know her," I stated, scoffing loudly.

"Nevertheless it's true. You may not know what you're feeling, but I sure as hell do."

"How can I be so possessive of something that will never be mine? That doesn't even make sense," I asked him, scoffing dramatically again.

"I know it doesn't make sense but that's how this fucked up situation is going down. And why would you think you can't have Bella? Listen, I know you think you are doing the right thing keeping your distance but if you never tell her how you feel you'll wonder about what could have been. Do you really think you can stalk around behind her for the rest of her life?"

"I don't know, I just don't know what to do about this," I muttered.

"Well if you want my opinion, Bella didn't tell anyone about us in Forks. I get the feeling she can handle what we are and that she may even have an idea. She's a grown woman now. She could handle it," he stated.

"I don't want to endanger her like that…"I started.

"…But you can't leave her?" He finished with a smirk.

"Yeah," I said.

"I got to tell ya, Alice won't get off my ass about this. She wants Bella around as much as you do. Why? I don't know, but she does. It's not just about you anymore." He stood up and sauntered over to the car. "Something to think about, Edward," he called out.

"Yeah, dude, stop being a douche bag!" Emmett yelled, a white jackrabbit writhing in his fist.

"I am not a douche bag, asshole," I yelled back.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Seriously? Dude you are the King Douche right now. Even Esme was calling you Doucheward earlier," Jasper responded.

"She did not!" I said, stopping in my tracks. If my mother for all intents and purposes thought that, then I must be bad. She hardly ever calls people names, especially not her children.

"Okay fine, she didn't call you Doucheward. But she did nod and laugh when Rosalie did," Jasper said.

"What-the-fuck-ever. It doesn't matter what you guys think," I taunted.

Emmett chortled. "Yeah bro, keep telling yourself that. Come on let's go back. I have a gift for my sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes. Rosalie was a lot of things but sweetheart she was not one of them.

I climbed in the Jeep and we took off back to Phoenix. I sat and watched the moonlight illuminate the red rocks around Montezuma Castle as we drove away. I knew that I should leave her alone, protect her from the dangers I would put her through, try to forget her—maybe even go back up to Denali and try things with Tanya. But I knew no matter the time or distance that separated us I couldn't stop how I felt about Bella: protective, possessive—she did things to me I never experienced before. She had become my world and I was the satellite that orbited around her. She was my reason for existing. I couldn't stay away.

Against my better judgment there I was again, standing outside her sliding glass door; so much for Jasper and Emmett distracting me from breaking and entering. I could smell the dog through the door. I steeled myself and pulled the door open. I slid in quietly and was assailed with the stench. I walked through the living room, making my way back to the hall. I heard a deep snore and I glanced down on the couch to see the man sleeping there, his snores shaking the floorboards. He was sprawled across the couch, his feet hanging off the end and his hair over his face. He wasn't going to wake up soon. I was intrigued as to why Bella wasn't sleeping with him. Did they get into a fight? I made my way down the hall and found her room again. I stood at the end of the bed and watched her sleep. She was curled on her side. I didn't dare go closer to her. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if I did. I watched her breaths: in and out, hitching in her throat and hissing past her teeth. Her hands went up to her face and she was shaking, gasping, thrashing under the covers. Her face crumpled in anguish.

"No, no, please, please no. Help, no, please," she muttered fearfully.

I put my hand out and placed it on her foot. Her body slowed; her breaths quieted. I held it there as I knelt down and leaned my forehead against her footboard. I could feel the blood coursing through her ankle. He body was smoldering against my frigid skin.

"I'm here Bella, and I'm not leaving this time," I murmured against the night. I shouldn't endanger her anymore. I shouldn't try to bring her into my life of nefariousness and midnight suns. I shouldn't touch her at all and let her live her life. I shouldn't do any of those things; but I would. I would risk everything for this woman, even her mortality. For the first time in over one hundred years I knew without a doubt that I was a monster.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

"Bella, Bella—you need to get your ass out here right now," Jacob yelled through the door as he pounded on it.

"I'm still sleeping," I called out. "Leave me alone."

"No, you need to get out here now. I need to talk to you."

I grumbled to myself as I rolled out of bed. I pulled my robe on and rubbed my face. I did not get very good sleep last night; I kept having that nightmare. The one that haunts me, the one that is so real, the one I lived through... I pulled the door open to see Jacob standing there, the tendons straining against his throat. I raised an eyebrow.

"What could be so important at this hour Jacob? It's only six AM," I questioned.

"A vampire; there was a vampire here—while we were sleeping. I can smell the leech in here," he explained, anger radiating off his chest.

I rolled my eyes at him. "This conversation again Jacob? Really?"

"Yes, this again. This is important. I am insisting that you move to a hotel until I can get this straightened out," he stated.

I brushed past him and into the kitchen. I started grinding the coffee as he came in behind me. "I'm not joking here Bella," he said.

I whirled around to face him. It was way too early for him to think he could boss me around. "And I am not leaving no matter what supernatural creature you say is in my apartment. Witches, zombies, werewolves, vampires; I don't care. This is Ryland's home and I'm not taking him out of it unless I have to," I said.

"This isn't a joke Bella."

"Maybe not to you Jacob but I can hardly take it seriously. Even if there were vampires why on earth would they come here? I thought they were your mortal enemies. Underworld, lycans and all that shit," I teased.

"You're not being funny Bella. Vampires kill people."

I poured coffee in two mugs and handed one to Jacob. He didn't take it; instead he glared at me. I cocked my head, putting on a pout and set the cup on the counter. I took a sip and watched him over the rim. He stood there, his hands clenched in fists. He obviously wasn't going to let this go.

"Let me ask you a question Jake," I started hesitating, "have you ever met a vampire, let alone killed a vampire?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I don't have to kill them to know what they are: killers, murders, filthy bloodsuckers."

"But you've never killed one? Have you ever actually seen them kill anyone?" I asked.

"No, okay," he relented, his voice hushed. "I have never seen them actually kill someone. But Sam has and he says they're awful creatures."

"One could say the same about you Jacob. Aren't the same statements made against werewolves?" I questioned.

"Those aren't true though," he yelled.

"But they could be said. Now, you have thought there was a vampire in my apartment twice now and I am still alive, Ryland is still alive and though I want to throttle you, you're still alive. I think even if there was a vampire in here, which I'm not saying I believe…," I paused to flash him a warning look. "….it would appear that the vampire meant us no harm."

"You don't know what you're talking about Bella. These are monsters…"

"And so are you!" I interrupted. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is I would never hurt a person; I would never kill a person. We're here to protect," he stated.

"Protect like Emily was protected? Protect from who Jacob? There are plenty of monsters out there without the supernatural forces," I reminded him. "I would know."

Jacob's face became cottony as my eyes filled with tears.

"Is this about junior year?" he asked softly. I turned to the fridge pleading with myself not to cry. I felt Jacobs's muscular arms around my shoulders. I leaned in to stifle my sob.

"Are you going to tell me what happened to you Bella? You can't keep this secret forever you know."

I brushed the tears away. "I know but I'm not ready just yet. I will be someday Jake," I murmured.

He held me closer and I sunk into his blistering chest. My tears soaked through his white tee shirt. He rubbed my back, his hand moving in circles. I felt my cries quiet and my breathing slow. We stood there hugging until Ryland walked into the kitchen. I turned away from them wiping my eyes on my wrist. I looked at my reflection in the window. I may be an emotional wreck but I wouldn't have Ryland see it. I had an emotional immature parent. I knew how tiring it can be to always be taking care of them. Ryland wasn't going to have that kind of life. He should be a child.

"Hi Mom; hi Uncle Jake. Can I have some waffles?" he asked, oblivious to my break down.

"Sure, I'll make you some waffles while your mom takes a shower. She is smelly," Jacob teased. Ryland giggled.

"Okay, real funny boys—I can take a hint," I replied, walking away. I went into the bathroom and turned the hot water on. I took my robe and pajamas off, avoiding the reflection. I climbed in the steaming shower. I washed my hair with my peppermint shampoo and shaved my legs. I rinsed and let the water course down my back. Mindlessly I brought my hands up to my stomach. I traced the scars there. I ran a finger over the jagged crag across my torso. No matter what I put on it was still a keloid scar. I avoided mirrors because of this scar. I always wore a one piece swimsuit. I refused to show my stomach at work. Only Ryland's father saw it. I kept my shirt on with every other man. All those men and what I let them do to me; what I did to myself. I sunk to my knees and let the flash backs take me down.

**

* * *

**

Over seven years prior

_As nice as it was to be walking in Port Angeles on that sunny spring day I knew I would need to find Jessica and Angela soon. The sun hung low in the orange sky threatening to set behind the wharf. I bit my lip as I looked around; I didn't know my way around yet. I walked down a promising street where I was sure we parked the car, only to be greeted with another row of empty warehouses. _

"_Shit," I muttered to myself._

_I turned around and tried going back the opposite way to find myself between two tall brick buildings I had never seen before. I stopped and looked at the sky trying to determine what direction I was going. Why didn't I pay more attention to this shit when Charlie was trying to teach me instead of reading my romance novels? I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept walking forward hoping to see a gas station or store front soon. I heard the foot steps behind me. Instinctively I turned my head to see the group of men walking a block behind me. They were all wearing jeans and polo shirts; Mariner caps and DC's. They couldn't be more than five years older than me. _

_The brick buildings towered above me. I put my head down and kept walking, trying to decipher where I was exactly. I considered asking the men for directions but I didn't want to seem like a stupid girl. I prided myself on being independent and self sufficient. You had to when Renee was your mother. I could find my way around a small town like Port Angeles. I walked another few blocks before going to turn around. They stood half a block in front of me in a V formation, reminiscent of geese flying south. They sauntered over with smirks on their faces._

"_Hey pretty girl, where you going?" one of the men slurred. He had shaggy brown hair that dipped over his eyes. _

"_Oh, I just took the wrong street trying to get back to my friends," I replied, trying to keep my voice aloof._

_The man took a few steps away from his friends and towards me. "The night is young. Come hang out with us," he coaxed, his hand outstretched._

"_Oh, well no thanks. I really need to find my friends," I stammered. I turned down an alley and away from the group. _

"_We can be your friends tonight."_

"_I'd love to be your friend."_

"_I'd like to be more than friends with you..."_

* * *

**Present day**

The water ran cold down by back as the tears flowed salty and torrid on my cheeks. With a quavering hand I turned the water off. I composed myself enough to climb out of the tub. I looked at my reflection in the mirror; condensation and bleary glass couldn't hide what I did. The scar ran across my stomach as a reminder of my mistakes. I never should have gone walking down that street. So many mistakes I made, so many wrong roads I meandered down. I could never take that day back, when I was happy, whole and clean. Now, no matter what I did I would always be a monster, worse than supernatural ones. I couldn't bite you or rip your body to pieces—instead I was the monster that tore down your composure. I was the monster that ripped out your soul. Slowly, bit by bit, I destroyed my life and I took everything down with me. Worst of all I was the monster you could care about. I was the monster that never said goodbye.

**

* * *

**

Song is Meg & Dia-Monster

**A keloidal scar is a type of scar that is upraised and full of collagen. My sister has a gnarly (in a good way) one from long boarding. Go Toby Tyler!**


	5. Pretty Ballerina

**Mucho love for my Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**Sorry it has taken so long to update. I know I suck. I am seriously considering abandoning the stroy on twilighted just because it is getting to be too much for me. (i guess I'm a liitle lazy) So I will continue to update Runaway here on FF. I promise I will be updating**

**I own a real Tiffany's bracelet and a fake Burberry purse**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and the fantastic characters.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_I had a date with a pretty ballerina  
her hair so brilliant that it hurt my eyes  
I asked her for this dance  
and then she obliged me_

**Pretty Ballerina**

**

* * *

**

EPOV

Rosalie threw the remote at the wall, leaving a hole the size of a cantaloupe, a thousand tiny fragments of plastic and metal spraying the room. We all looked at her. She had been bitching all day long.

"That is it. I am not staying one more god damn day in this shit-hole they call a desert. I can't go outside; I can't go shopping; I can't go fucking anywhere. I am leaving and so help me God Emmett if you don't come with me I will chop off your balls and burn them," Rosalie screamed. We all reflexively covered our loins. It would have been a funny sight if we weren't all afraid to laugh at Rosalie. I wouldn't put it past her to try and do that, though I knew she appreciated Emmett's balls quite a bit, so it was doubtful she would follow through on her threat.

"Rosie, sweetie, we need to stay and support our family," Emmett pleaded.

"No, you need to get me the fuck out of here. I cannot spend one more day watching soap operas and reruns of the fucking Golden Girls. I am sick and fucking tired of this shit," she yelled.

"Come one Rose, don't be irrational now" Emmett started saying. Rosalie's eyes flashed with violence. We all groaned at his comment.

"Irrational—you want to see irrational? I'll fucking show you irrational." She paused to point at me. "This son of a bitch here is making all of us stay here, hostage, in this shit pot of a hotel in the Valley of the Sun. The Sun! He's being a pussy about talking to some human and I'm irrational? I don't think so," she said coldly.

I went to open my mouth to say something but Alice grabbed my arm and shook her head.

_What you're about to say will only set her off more; let Emmett talk to her. _

I nodded at her and closed my mouth. Jasper sat on the edge of the couch as far away as possible from us. There were too many intense emotions flying around the room. He clenched his fists and stalked out of the room. Esme followed him. Emmett got down on his knees and grabbed Rosalie's hand. Only Rosalie could bring him the point of groveling on his knees.

"Please calm down, Rosie. I'll buy you whatever you want when we leave, take you anywhere you want. Just calm down and let's talk about this," Emmett said, his eyes beseeching her. She stood there looking down on him disdainfully before sighing.

"Fine, Emmett. I want a Berkin bag and I want to leave tonight."

"But Rose, Ed…"

"No, it's fine Emmett. You guys don't need to stay. I really should do this on my own. You all should leave," I said softly.

"See? Let's start packing," Rosalie snapped.

It was only a matter of time before my family had to leave. Emmett had no choice but to leave with her. Carlisle and Esme decided to make their way back up to Forks. It had been years since we'd been back and Esme wanted to be outside all day. I knew how much she missed her gardening. I'm surprised they didn't leave sooner. Jasper told me that he would stick around for a few more days but I knew he wanted to see Peter and Charlotte in Austin. I told Jasper and Alice to leave. I was the one who created this mess. No need to keep my family any longer. I watched them all pack up their things. It was scary to think I would be without their support, but I knew they were only a phone call away.

Rosalie and Emmett came to tell me goodbye. Emmett slapped me on the back. "Let me know if her hooters look as good as I imagine."

Rosalie smacked him on the head with a phone breaking yet another thing in their room. "Asshole, I'm standing right next to you. Jesus Christ," she barked. She turned to me, her glorious face softened. "Edward, I know I'm the world's biggest bitch sometimes but I do want to see you happy—even if it is with some human with poor taste in clothes. And I'm almost sorry for calling you Doucheward."

_Almost. Okay not really, but Esme told me I needed to say it._

I hugged her snuggly. She may be a bitch but hell she was my sister and I loved her. She shot a glare at Emmett.

"A red one shit head. I want a red Berkin," she commanded as they walked out the door. Alice leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"It's going to be overcast for the next few days. Bella will be at the same park on Tuesday. Go see her," Alice said. "Let me know when you get this straightened out. I miss her already."

I hugged her and gave Jasper a firm pat on the back. He shook his head at me and embraced me tightly. I listened to his thoughts.

_You're doing the right thing Edward. I know you are scared but you don't need to be. Love prevails._

Alice looked at me intently. _She'll love you too. She just doesn't know it yet._

I stood there, saddened as they left. I sat on the bed in my room. Was I a fool to do this? To talk to her? To put myself out there? The idea that she may not share my feelings…what would I do with myself? I couldn't very well force myself on her. I had three days to plan my perfect way in.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

He slid his hand through my hair, gripping it tightly between his fingers. His dark wanton eyes watched me as I licked my lips in anticipation. His pink tongue slid across his full bottom lip. I wanted so badly to bite it. He leaned forward and crushed his mouth to mine. His breath was hot in my mouth, sweet like honey. I let out a sigh and his hand came down on my breast. He grabbed one and rubbed my nipple with his thumb. I arched my back and ground my heat into his groin. I was pleased to find him responding to my touches. His hand came down farther, down my breasts, over my stomach to rest on the waist of my skirt. Down further his hand crept, feeling its way around my knee, over my thigh, touching me where I needed him so much. I pushed down on his hand and he groaned in my mouth.

I opened my eyes wearily. The same dream night after night. So much build up with no happy ending for me. No resolution for my aching body. I told myself I didn't want to see him but I knew that wasn't the case. If it was possible my thoughts about him grew more frequent the more days passed. My dreams certainly got more graphic in nature. Four days. It's been four days since I saw Edward. Every night I would look for him at the club. Every night I would feel my heart jump at the sight of a tall man, a slender man. They were never Edward. He said he would come find me some other time. I felt so anxious and confused about him. Why a man like Edward would want to talk to me I had no idea.

I should be flattered he even remembered me from high school. It had only been a few days we spent together in the small biology classroom so long ago. I couldn't imagine what he would want to talk to me about. I knew the chances that he would be romantically interested in me were slim. I was a single mother working at a strip club. And he was Edward Cullen. The Edward Cullen with the copper hair and slender waist. The Edward Cullen that would smile crookedly at his family. The Edward Cullen that left when I arrived. It was ludicrous to think he would want me. Still, I was intrigued by his presence. Maybe he just moved to Phoenix and just needed someone to show him around. Platonic of course, I could do that. I could be his friend. Hell, I'd be anything to be near him all the time. I walked down the hall to Ryland's room.

He was sprawled out under his blanket. The breaking dawn escaped into the room through his wood slate blinds. I pulled the cord and let the light in. Ryland stirred away from the brightness and settled his thumb in his mouth. I sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his thumb out. I brushed the soft curls from his face. I really needed to get his hair cut but it made me so sad every time he lost those curls, like the stylist was cutting away his years. He was growing up so quickly. I rubbed his back. "Rye-Rye, it's time to get up sweetie. We need to take Uncle Jake to breakfast before he leaves," I whispered.

"No Mommy. I want to sleep," he whined, his voice heavy with sleep.

"I know baby, me too. But I promised Uncle Jake a special breakfast before he leaves."

Ryland turned to me and held his arms out. I scooped him up and carried him to the living room. Jacob was sprawled across the sofa. His feet hung over the edge. I chuckled at him. I held on to Ryland while I kicked Jacob's arm with my foot. Jacob grunted loudly and rolled to the ground. He snapped his head up and jumped in a fright. "Who's here?" he shouted drowsily.

I bit back a laugh as Jacob's eyes focused on us. He blinked several times before rubbing his eyes. "Oh, morning guys. I guess I'm kind of on-edge," he mumbled.

"Kind of, Jake?" I teased.

"You're funny Uncle Jake. Do it again," Ryland asked.

"No thanks Rye. Once is enough for me," Jacob said, his voice groggy. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Should you really be carrying Ryland around like that? It's not good for your back."

"Whatever, I'm fine. I'm tougher than you think. You worry too much," I reminded him.

"That's what you think," he mumbled under his breath.

"Okay that's enough Rambo, now get to it," I said, jokingly.

"So I'm guessing you're trying to get me out of here now."

I rolled my eyes at him as I pointed down the hall. "Hop in the shower tough guy. We need to get moving," I commanded.

"Aye-aye, captain," he said as he saluted me and winked at Ryland. He disappeared into the bathroom and I set Ryland down to get himself some juice. I walked back to my room and found a purple wrap shirt and striped skirt to wear. I pinned my hair back with silver clips. Having short hair wasn't any easier than long hair. I missed being able to throw it up in a pony tail when I was in a rush. I swept some mascara on my eyes and grabbed my lip gloss. I corralled Ryland into his room and helped him pull on his jeans and a tee shirt. It was a rare overcast day and I convinced Ryland to find a sweatshirt in case he got cold. We read a story in the living room while Jacob threw all his clothes haphazardly into his duffle bag. He stood in the foyer, the leather bag slung over his shoulder. "You two ready?" he asked.

I nodded at him and we were on our way.

Somehow we got through the breakfast without Jacob mentioning vampires, Charlie or Forks. I had a feeling this wouldn't last long and knew it was a matter of time before he tried to get the last word. Somehow we had extra time when we left the restaurant and Jacob insisted we go to the park for a few minutes so he could play with Ryland. I considered going to another park after that nasty run in with the creep James, but I didn't want to let him ruin the park for Ryland. Besides, I had Jacob with me. No one in their right mind would try to mess with him.

I watched Jacob help Ryland climb on to a swing and Jacob began to push him. Jacob was a natural at being with Ryland, being with children. I knew he would be a fantastic father someday. The clouds covered the cerulean sky in a grey curtain. It was unusually chilly for late October. I wrapped my arms around myself and called out to Jacob.

"Jake, I'm going to grab my coat. I'll be right back," I yelled out. I strolled to the car, eying them on the playground. I reached into the car and dug around the back seat for my white jacket. I found it and was brushing off the cheerios crumbles when I heard a noise behind me.

"Hi Bella." I sat up turning, which made me bump my head on the door frame. I looked up at him while holding my head. His eyes widened and he bent down so that I was level with his topaz eyes. "Did you hurt yourself?" he asked.

"No, not more than usual," I responded. I rubbed the small bump on my head, watching him warily. "What are you doing here?"

"I was driving past and saw your car. Thought I'd come over to say hi," he answered.

"Oh, well hi," I said feeling dumb.

"Listen, I'm not very good at this. I wanted to have this perfect way to say it but I can't figure out how to do it, so I'll just say it. Would you have dinner with me?" he asked, his eyes smoldering. I felt my mind erase for a moment. I stared at him, shocked. Edward was asking me out? I couldn't even formulate a response.

"Like a date?" I asked confused.

"Yeah like a date, if you'd like that. If not it can be more casual," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, I don't want to impose on you if you don't want a date. We could just have a friendly dinner if you are more comfortable with that. You could bring your husband," he replied.

"What husband? I don't have a husband," I said.

He pointed to Jacob over my shoulder. "Okay, then your boyfriend."

"Jacob's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend from back home. We grew up together," I informed him. Edward's smile was blinding at my omission. "I'm curious though, why are you asking me out?"

"You interest me. I'd like to know you better. If you don't want to go out I'll understand," he said. His eyes were dark with heat and my heart thudded in my chest.

My cheeks filled with color as I stammered. "No, I'd love to go out sometime Edward," I replied.

His face lit up with a crooked smile that crinkled his eyes. "Great; well how about we go out on Thursday? Are you free then? I could pick you up."

I nodded mutely and he turned to walk away. When he got to his car I called after him. "Edward, don't you need directions to my apartment?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I do. I should probably get your number too," he said, his eyes dark. I wrote down my address and number. Edward looked at me and raised his hand tentatively. He let it rest on my hairline. I felt the electricity running through our skin at his touch. He brushed a stray hair back away from my face. "I'll see you on Thursday, Bella."

I stood there stock still holding my jacket as he got in his car and drove away. My eyes followed the Volvo as it left the parking lot. Edward had just asked me out. I was going on a date with Edward Cullen. My body couldn't keep up with my brain. I needed to move, to go back to Ryland and Jacob but I stood like a mannequin in a storefront. I don't know how long I stood there contemplating the exchange before a hand came down on my shoulder. I jumped at the touch and whirled around. Jacob was standing there a smirk on his face.

"Hey, Bells, I called your name but you didn't answer. We should be leaving. I have a plane to catch," he reminded me.

"Oh, right. Okay, let's go then," I said. I picked up Ryland to help him into his car seat. I was buckling the harness when Jacob spoke behind me.

"Who was that guy you were talking to?" he asked.

"A friend from high school. He just wanted to catch up with me," I answered. I really did not want to discuss Edward with Jacob.

"I thought I knew everyone from Forks. I didn't recognize him. What's his name?" Jacob asked.

"Edward Cullen, his family moved away junior year," I replied, shutting the door to the passenger side. I turned to look at Jacob. His hands were fists next to his body and his nostrils were flared. His body was blurry at the lines. He looked like he was going to phase into a werewolf. I stepped back from him with fear in my eyes. Jacob took several deep breaths and seemed to compose himself. His eyes flashed hatefully at me.

"Edward Cullen? Did you say Cullen?" he sneered.

"Yeah, Cullen. What's the problem?" I asked.

"The Cullen's are vampires, Bella. You can't talk to vampires. I bet he's the blood sucker that was in your apartment. You can't be around that filthy leech. It's not safe," he said, his voice low.

I rolled my eyes at him. I opened my car door and slid in. Jacob stood outside the car for a minute before climbing into the passenger seat with a glare. I turned the car on and backed out. When we got to the street I resumed our conversation. "Jacob, you don't know what you're talking about. Edward saved my life once. Why would he kill me?" I challenged.

"It doesn't matter Bella. You need to promise me that you won't talk to him again. I need you to keep yourself and Ryland safe. Vampires are a risk."

"You can't tell me what to do Jacob. You are not my father. I will go out with whomever I like. Vampire, werewolf or hipster. It has nothing to do with you,"

"You're going out with him? Like a date? Bella you can't do that," Jacob yelled.

"Oh, please Jacob. You have no control over my life in the least. I am a big girl and will make my own decisions on what is best for me and my son," I said.

"But you could be hurt or worse, killed, getting involved with him. You don't know the stories about them," Jacob whispered.

"Sure I do Jake. Seth told them to me. Before I left I was hanging out with Seth and Leah and he told me the story. I am far more informed of your folklore than you'd think," I stated.

"Then you understand the risk," he said.

"Well, I don't know if I believe it. However, the part that stuck out for me is that Seth mentioned that they aren't supposed to be a threat to humans," I reminded him.

"It doesn't matter what Seth said. Seth is a kid," he retorted.

"Jacob, I'm a grown woman and will do whatever I feel like. Now, I don't want to fight with you before you leave. Who knows when I will see you again; truce?" I offered.

He stared out the window, fuming. Finally he turned to me, his face softened. "I just worry about you guys too much. I don't want to see you get hurt. I'm only trying to protect you. I don't want to fight either, though. I need you to come up for the wedding," his face broke into a smile.

"I will. You name the date and I will be there. You could even have Ryland as the ring bearer," I said.

"Hey, that's a good idea. Hey Ryland, you want to be my ring bearer?" Jacob asked, turning his body to look at Ryland.

"Yeah! I want to be a bear! Roar!" Ryland growled.

We laughed at him as I parked. We walked Jacob to the security check point. He gave Ryland a big hug and promises of great Christmas presents. He straightened up to pull me in his arms. I sunk into his torrid chest and I took one last deep breath of his salt and musk skin.

"I almost forgot something, here this is for you," Jacob said. He pulled out a small blue box. It felt heavy in my hand. I opened it in trepidation. The small chain link bracelet sparkled in the fluorescent light. I took it out inspecting the small engraved heart. Jacob took it from me and clasped it on my wrist. "I couldn't buy Lizzie's ring and not get something for my best girl. You mean the world to me, Bella. This is a reminder that you are the first girl to have my heart. No matter what, you'll always have that part of me."

Tears filled my eyes. "Jacob, you didn't have to do this."

"I know, but I wanted to. I love you Bella Swan. I'll see you soon okay?" He bent down to kiss the top of my head and walked to the security line. I took Ryland's hand and we walked to the car in silence. The weight of Jacob's trip came down on me. Did I believe what Jacob told me about Edward? Could he be a…I couldn't even think that word without feeling silly. But there was something that was different about Edward. The van accident. The way his skin was always so cold. How he appeared out of nowhere and sometimes did things faster than humanly possible. He was something; I just didn't know what to believe anymore. Ryland fell asleep in the car and I carried him up the three flights of stairs to the apartment and laid him down on the couch. I lay next to him and closed my eyes, escaping the impeding realizations.

**

* * *

**

EPOV

She said yes to me. I couldn't believe that she agreed to go out with me. I was so nervous when I went to talk to her. I had a great speech prepared and I flubbed it up. She looked amazing in her skirt and purple shirt that dipped low on her chest, framing in her perky breasts. I imagined running my hands over the soft fabric, bring it over her head. I imagined what she would be wearing underneath it: a lacy white bra with matching panties? I almost lost it at that moment. Stumbling over my words, I'm pretty sure if it was possible I would have been the one blushing. But despite that she agreed.

I was sure she would turn me down but it worked. I was a little concerned that she suspected something when I left without asking for her number or address. Hopefully she would write that off as a nervous boy act. The look in her eyes when she looked at me for that last moment, she completely unhinged me. I couldn't stop my hand from traveling through the air. Touching her hair lightly, I felt as my body was a live wire connecting to her. I tried to be nonchalant but the feel of her skin against mine was incredible.

I wanted so badly to take her in my arms at that moment. Even with the stench of werewolf on her skin I wanted to taste her peppermint breath and touch her satin lips. I had to turn away to restrain myself. She was a dangerous creature, like I've never seen before. I drove away euphoric.

I told myself I could stay away from here until our date but late on Wednesday night I was pulling into the club parking lot. I parked next to her car; I was relieved that she didn't still have that impossible death trap on wheels called a Chevy truck. I was tempted a few times to mess with it just so that she got rid of it. I fixed the collar on my light blue button up and smoothed my rowdy hair as best I could.

I sauntered into the club and found a seat in the corner away from everyone. I hoped that she would be my server. After a few songs she approached me. She wore a tight red corset and boy shorts with tall boots, her creamy skin flowing over the top of the bodice. She smiled at seeing me.

"Hi Edward, can I get you a drink?" she asked.

"Hello, Victoria is it? Um sure, what's good here?" I asked her.

She bit her lip blushing and then leaned down giving me an eyeful of cleavage. "Nothing really, they water down all the drinks and over charge for them," she whispered.

"Then I'll get a beer," I answered with a smile.

"Right up, Mr. Cullen," she said, a smirk playing across her face. She was such a dangerous creature. I surveyed her ass as she walked away. So firm and high, I wanted to bite it. I imagined rubbing my hand over it. She returned with a beer for me and waved away the money.

"You should take the money because I'll only leave you a bigger tip if you refuse to charge me," I told her.

"Okay fine, it's five fifty." I handed her a twenty. She tried to give me change and I waved it away. She sighed. "You don't have to order a drink you know. I can tell you don't drink. I also can tell you don't watch the girls."

"Okay, so you caught me. I haven't exactly been coming for the fine wine and quality women."

Her eyes got thoughtful. "Then why have you been coming?" she asked.

I pondered her question. I didn't want to profess my love in a strip club. I decided to be vague. "I'm here tonight because I wanted to make sure we're still on for tomorrow night."

"Of course, why do you have other plans?" she asked, her eyes darting away from me. She looked—what was the phrase?—embarrassed.

"Actually it's the opposite. I am so excited I wanted to confirm that you didn't change your mind," I replied. I let my eyes go dark and I lowered my voice. "I am really looking forward to tomorrow night. You should get back to work though. Your boss needs you to stop talking to me."

She gulped loudly and pursed her lips. "How do you know what my boss wants?"

"I am very observant, I guess you can say."

"So I've noticed," she whispered. She gave me one last smile and walked away to serve the other patrons. Her asshole of a boss yelled at her for talking to me too long. I might have to set him straight later. The door swung open and I saw him walk in. Greasy blond hair and a dirty leather jacket. He swaggered in with a short brown haired man following him. He sat down two tables from me. I could smell the cheap whiskey and pot on his skin. He bent over and whispered to his friend.

"You should see some of the bitches they have here. Grade-A meat. I took one of the girls home a while back. Charity, Chastity something like that. She was good for a few hours. Used too much teeth but I'd fuck her again," James boasted.

"Whoa, look at that one in the red corset. She's going to get it and I'm going to be the one to give it to her," his buddy sneered. I listened in to their thoughts. Nick, that was the short one's name. Nick and I would have to have a talk as well. They leered at Bella until she came over to their table. I saw recognition pass over her face when she saw James. She paused, looking around for a moment before putting on a realistic smile to approach the table.

"Hi there guys. I'm Victoria, can I get you two a drink?" she asked.

"Sure darling, why don't you just bring over a pitcher of Bud?" Nick said, flashing a smile I'm sure he meant to be sexy. She nodded at them and filled their orders. When she returned James grabbed her arm.

"I know you. Where do I know you?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. How about in your dreams buddy?" she said, pulling her arm away. "I'll come back when you guys need another pitcher."

The rest of the night I observed her carefully. True to her word she returned to their table once and was short with them as she brought them shots of bourbon and more rounds of beer. I had dumped my beer into a nearby plant when I pretended to take a bathroom break. Bella left to change and she returned wearing jeans and a Forks PD sweatshirt. Her hair was up in a stubby ponytail. She rushed to the door trying to escape James' attention. She had walked out when I heard James' thoughts.

_I think that was Bella. I'm going to go talk to her. I knew that waitress looked familiar. Oh, man I am so getting a piece of that tonight._

He excused himself and left his friend waiting in the club. I followed him out. James trailed after Bella around the building. His eyes trained on her ass while she walked away from him. When she got to her car he called out.

"Bella? Is that you?" he said.

She turned around and her face fell when she saw him. "Oh, hi, um, James?"

"Yeah, James, you remembered me," he said inching closer to her. "So what's a nice girl like you doing working at a place like this? I never thought of you as a stripper."

"I'm not a stripper; I am a waitress who happens to be working in a strip club. The tips are better than a regular bar" she replied.

"Sure Bella, it's about the tips. You want guys to notice you. You want them to hit on you, to touch you. You want a man to fuck you. I could do that. We could hop in your car right now and have a quickie."

"You are disgusting. I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth," she retorted.

"Oh, well I like a girl who plays hard to get. A little challenge makes me so excited," he said. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. His lips came crushing down on hers. She pushed away from him and tried to knee him in the balls. James backed up his eyes narrowed. "You bitch, why did you do that?"

"Why did you kiss me? Tit for tat asshole!" she yelled. James got closer; he swayed on his feet before pinning her to the car. He held her arms down at her sides. He put his face down on her neck.

"You smell so good Bella. You're going to smell so good when I take you."

I had seen enough. I wasn't going to risk that he would hurt her. I stepped out of the shadows and raced over to grab him by the shoulders. I pulled him off her and threw him to the ground. I kneeled down above him and gently pushed down on his collarbone. I could feel it starting to slowly crack under my touch. I leaned down next to his ear.

"You will stay away from Bella. Do you hear me? She is mine and you will never touch her again," I whispered. I let him up. He scrambled to his feet rubbing his broken bone. "You need to leave now, James."

He bolted to an old hatchback car. He started the car and rolled down the window. He stuck his head out. "This isn't over fucker. And Bella, I'll see you soon."

He drove away and I turned around to see Bella shivering against the car. I took my jacket off and handed it to her. She threw it on and opened her car door. She fished out her cigarettes and lit one. I'd rather she not smoke in my jacket but held my tongue. She took a deep drag before looking up at me.

"Did you follow me out here?" she asked.

I hesitated. "Yes, I did. I wasn't trying to be creepy, I just didn't like the way he looked at you inside and then when I knew he was going to proposition you…I just had to find you," I explained.

"What? How could you know what he was going to do?" she questioned.

"Oh, well you can just tell with guys like that. They're only after one thing. James is no exception," I offered. I cursed myself for my omission.

"How did you know his name is James? There is no way you could have heard that from across the parking lot. Which by the way you crossed in inhuman speed."

I cringed at her use of the phrase "inhuman". Of course she would notice that. I stared at her as she crushed the cigarette butt out on the cement. "Are you okay Bella? Did he hurt you in any way?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine. I've seen worse, trust me." Her eyes clouded over at that mention. "Am I seeing you tomorrow?"

"Seven PM on the dot. I'm looking forward to it."

"Edward, are you going to answer my question? About how you know James and how you got over here so quickly and…" she paused to look away. "I want to know what happened with the van."

I debated what I wanted to say. I remembered Jasper's comment.

…_I get the feeling she can handle what we are and that she may even have an idea. She's a grown woman now. She could handle it…_

I had a feeling he was right. I would have to go with my gut feeling. After all, she was involved with a werewolf, even if it was only a friend. Was it so farfetched to think that she could also handle a vampire? Is one monster really worse than another in her eyes? I gave her a sideways smile that worked so well in the park. "I'll tell you everything you can handle tomorrow at dinner. Now you should get home."

She nodded and started her car. I started walking away when I heard the whir of the window. She stuck her head out the window. "Hey Edward, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow."

"Me too Bella," I replied.

"Sweet dreams Edward," she called out. She smiled at me and put the car in drive.

"You too, Bella. Sweet dreams."

**

* * *

**

Eels-Pretty Ballerina


	6. Cadence

**I would be nothing without my Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**I own a Robert Pattinson calendar with vampire fangs.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

Helpless, I have become so helpless to your touch  
touch me somehow  
Restless, you leave me restless  
breathless wait for me

**Cadence**

**

* * *

**

BPOV

I stood in the middle of a bank of clothes in my room. I held up a white dress to my body and looked in the mirror: too virginal, I decided. I tried a pink sweater and black skirt. Not right either. I had no idea what to wear on a date, with a man like Edward. I had never had a date like this before. Hell, I'd never really dated before. Men, yeah sure, I had plenty of men in my life. But none came to pick me up for dinner; none tried to wine-and-dine me. I just let them have it. Even Riley never took me out. It was a series of casual hang outs that evolved into a relationship—and a short one at that. I had no idea what to do on a date; how to dress, what to say, how to act. I was at a loss. By the time Delia got to the apartment I was in a panic. I let her in and marched to my room, resuming my tornado of dress-up. She perched herself on the edge of the bed. I held up a long pink dress and Delia shook her head. I threw the dress down in exasperation.

"Okay then, what do you wear to a date with a gorgeous man?" I asked.

"Who is it you are going out with again?" she questioned.

"Edward, remember? The man from the club. The one I talked about."

"Oh my goodness, Bella! Congrats! That is fab." Her eyes grew wistful and I snapped my fingers at her.

"Okay, great; thanks, now what do I wear?"

"First thing, we need to figure out is where you're going."

"Dinner at that Thai place, on 28th," I answered.

"Okay well, that place is kind of nice, so you'll want to wear a dress. You look really good in blue. Do you have any blue dresses?" she asked.

"Um, I think so, let me check…." I paused to peruse the disaster zone of a closet. I pulled out a blue and black dress from the back. "Yeah but it seems a little dressy."

"On the first date it is better to be overdressed than under-dressed. Now wear this pair of fuck me pumps and you'll be set."

"'Fuck-me' pumps? How did you know if I even own those?" I asked her playfully.

"Give me a break, Bella. You work at a strip club. Every woman needs fuck-me pumps. Plus, I was with you when you bought these Christian Louboutin's. Now these are fuck-me pumps," she said boastfully.

"Okay, I'll wear them if you stop calling them fuck-me pumps."

"Why? That's what they're called. Besides, you know you'll try to get some from him. Just imagine, wrapping your legs around him wearing those shoes," she said moaning theatrically.

"Okay, okay; this conversation is officially over."

"Fine, but if you do him I want details," she pleaded.

"Delia, a lady never kisses and tells."

"Oh Bella, what makes you think you are a lady?" Delia teased.

"Give it a rest, Delia!"

"Bring a condom," she called out as she went to help Ryland get ready to go. I was happy that she agreed to take him for the night. It would be the first whole night he would be away without me. I stood with my hands on my hips as I surveyed the dress hanging from the door. It was fitted with a blue bodice and a pencil thin black skirt. It dipped low in the front. I found my black La Perla set that I wore on special occasions to boost my confidence. I would need it tonight. Delia had a point about Edward. I did want him. If he wanted, I probably would go to bed with him just to have the experience. I pulled the dress on and was holding my black pumps when there was a knock on my bedroom door. Delia held Ryland's overnight bag over her shoulder as she assessed my outfit.

"Whoa, Bella you look amazing! Hot date indeed," she said.

I blushed. "Do I really look okay? I haven't done this in such a long time."

"You look fabulous. Those shoes are perfect," she replied, motioning to the pumps in my hand.

"You don't think they're too much?" I asked nervous.

"No, I think they're perfect. This guy must be something else," she said, a smile playing on her lips. She picked up Ryland and gave him a hug. "Doesn't your mommy look good?"

"You are beautiful, Mommy. You look like Belle from my movie!" Ryland chimed in. I rolled my eyes. Maybe I looked like hooker Belle. My son was too funny.

I set the shoes down before I took him from Delia. "You are so sweet to me, Rye-Rye. I love you best, okay?"

"No, I love you bestest," he said, snuggling into my neck.

"Do I really look okay, Dee?" I asked.

"More than okay, Bella. The f-me pumps just complete the outfit," she said motioning to the shoes on the floor by the door.

"Don't call them that!" I hissed, pointing to Ryland.

"Bella, please. That's what everyone calls shoes like that, and I am old enough to know when a woman is looking for trouble of the good kind. I may have even gotten in that kind of trouble a time or two..." she trailed off with a cocked eyebrow.

"Okay, okay. I get it. Just refrain from any cuss words next time. Now to the issue at hand. What should I do with my hair?"

"Curlers and a pretty headband. I'll help you."

In a half hour my hair was fuller with soft curls framing my face. She gave me a headband, earrings and necklace she said I needed to wear. She grabbed a cropped jacket for me to wear and helped me finish my make-up. She picked up the overnight bag and leaned in to give me farewell hug.

"Delia, I'll call later and you can drop him off first thing in the morning. Call me if you need anything okay?"

"No hurry, Bella. Take as much time as you need. _Have fun_!" she said in a sing song voice as she pranced out the door, kid in tow. I watched Delia buckle Ryland to ensure she did it correctly. Satisfied at her work, I turned around and walked back into the apartment. I straightened up the living room to ensure that it was presentable. I replayed my conversation with Jacob. Could I believe that Edward really could be a vampire? A bloodsucker? Jacob had talked enough about them that I wanted to believe that there could be such a thing. So much that I knew I could. If I knew about werewolves, were vampires really so crazy? If it was true that Edward was, what could I do? Obviously he hadn't attempted to hurt me yet. Maybe he was a good vampire. Just like Jacob was a good werewolf. I knew that I believed that a creature could be a good person regardless of their species. How could I bring up the topic? How can you ask a person that? As I was scrounging through the closet for my blue clutch, I heard a knock on the door.

Edward stood there in the doorway, looking more amazing than I thought possible. He wore a dark green button down shirt, crisp black pants and a dark blazer. His hair was in its usual copper disarray. His eyes burned deep embers. He looked at me and I saw his jaw tighten. He bit his lower lip and it took all I had not to take that lower lip into my mouth. I imagined how good he would taste. How nice that lip would feel on my flesh. My blush flooded my cheeks and I looked away.

"God, Bella, you look amazing," he whispered.

"Thanks, you look good too," I answered. Good--did I say good? More like delicious, sexy, panty dropping, gorgeous…. "I'm ready."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he said, a playful smirk across him face.

"No, why?" I asked.

"You don't have shoes on, that's all," he answered.

I looked down at my bare feet. "Right, shoes are important," I mumbled to myself. I turned around to pull the shoes on. I followed him out to his silver Volvo. He opened the door for me and I gave him a confused look as I climbed in. I wasn't used to a man being chivalrous. He climbed into the driver seat and started the car with a low purr. We sat in silence for a few moments before I blurted out my thoughts. "I can't believe you still have this car."

"You remember my car?" he asked.

"Sure, it kind of stuck out in Forks. I mean, everyone else had cars like mine, and then you and your family had those ostentatious cars. I mean, a BMW? Who did Rosalie think she was?"

He laughed at my rant. "Wow, you surprise me, Bella. I kept this car because I like it. Now as for Rosalie, well what can I say? Rosalie likes grandiose things. You should see what she's driving now. It is much worse."

"I can imagine," I replied, embarrassed by my outburst.

"When did you get rid of that hunk of scrap metal you called a truck?" he asked.

"Hey, I resent your tone! I'll have you know that my truck lived a long and fruitful life and it has since gone to the big junk yard in the sky. I miss it every day. Have a little respect for the dead, buddy."

"Okay, okay. Truce on the car talk. Now I want you to tell me about what happened in Forks after we moved. Did you ever go out with Newton?"

"No, I did not go out with Mike," I retorted; Christ, this man knew how to push my buttons.

"Never?"

"Well, not officially. We did hang out for a while but nothing ever came of it."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means that we kind of had a thing for a while the beginning of senior year but it didn't work out."

"That's a vague response if I've ever heard one," he told me.

"What can I tell you? I'm a mysterious person."

"You can say that again," he muttered under his breath.

"What does that mean? You're pretty mysterious yourself you know," I pointed out. We pulled into the parking lot and Edward frowned when I opened the door for myself.

"I'm not trying to be mysterious, you know. I just don't know….I can't figure out how to say things."

"That's okay Edward. I'm sure you'll figure it out," I said sweetly.

He smiled at me and opened the dragon carved doors to the restaurant. As I slipped past him my breasts brushed against his chest. I saw him swallow and heard a low groan. I smirked to myself and walked ahead of him. He rushed to my side and got to the host table first. The dark haired petite woman gave Edward a lingering glance with hunger in her eyes. "We have a reservation: Cullen," Edward said.

"Of course, Mr. Cullen. We've been expecting you," she purred. I rolled my eyes as she swished her hips as she walked. It was amateur hour here. I could out-sashay her in my sleep. I spent years perfecting the killer walk. I smiled at her as we sat down. She could ogle him all she wanted. I was the one that was out with him. I looked over the menu and Edward insisted I order a drink. He ordered us a bottle of red wine. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Most guys don't do this you know," I stated.

"Do what? Drink?" he asked.

"No: open doors for me, order for me; it's different."

"Does it bother you?"

"No, I'm just not used to it. Most guys I've dated treated me like, well, like James did," I told him.

"What, like a piece of meat? An object to be exploited?"

"Kind of. I mean, I'm used to it by now. You have to be in my line of work."

"Bella, that's awful. You shouldn't be treated that way," he said shocked. I shrugged my shoulders. This topic made me nervous. His eyebrows furrowed. "Are you telling me that you let people treat you that way?"

"No—well, kind of. Honestly Edward, I haven't dated since Ryland…" I stopped myself. I realized I didn't tell him about Ryland. How would I bring up this topic? I had no idea what the proper protocol was for telling your date that you have a child. Did he know already? He did find me at the park after all. Maybe he has already seen Ryland. I shut my mouth and buried myself in the menu. I peered over the pages at him. His eyes had a serious set to them and he was frowning heavily. "This isn't very good first date conversation."

"No, I suppose it isn't. What is?" he asked.

"I was hoping you could tell me. To be completely truthful I have never really been on a date—you know the whole getting picked up, go out to a nice dinner and have awkward small talk. I've never done this before tonight." I bit my lip and looked away, taking a hard swallow of the wine. I cursed myself for admitting that. He was sure to bolt after that kind of disclosure.

"Really? You're not fucking with me are you?" Edward whispered, leaning close to me. My eyes snapped to his and I shook my head. Why would I lie about that? It was pretty embarrassing. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't trust myself to say the right thing. "Me too, Bella."

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better, Edward."

"I'm not lying."

"But how…" I started asking.

"I was never interested in anyone. I just focused on school I guess. What about you? How is it possible that this is your first date at 24?" he asked.

"Same I guess. When I was younger that just wasn't the way dating was for me. And now I'm just too…busy to accept a date."

"Not even Newton, either? I was so sure you would have dated Newton at least."

I narrowed my eyes at his claim. "I told you, we saw each other for a while but it was never a date per se. Why would you be so sure I'd go out with Mike?"

"I knew Mike was after you," he replied.

"How could you possibly know that? It's impossible to know what someone else really wants," I asked. After I said it I realized what he was saying.

"Nothing is impossible, Bella. You'd be surprised," he responded.

I ran my finger over the wine glass and considered my action plan. He needed to tell me the truth. I leaned over the table and licked my lips. I gazed into his eyes, holding contact. Breathily I whispered, "Try me Edward. You'd be amazed at what I could handle. The things I know. It would blow you away."

**

* * *

**

EPOV

Damn, I was so sure I could hold my ground with her. There were so many moments I thought I was done for. When she opened the door and she was wearing that dress. Yeah it was tight; but the way the color made her skin a creamy patina; her hair, so soft and shiny; and those shoes…good _God_ when I saw those shoes on her all I could think about was her legs around my waist. Through all that I somehow kept my composure. She smelled divine in the car. I wanted her to stay there forever just so that I could breathe in her bouquet. Sure it burned my throat, but after all the time apart from her it was a comforting pain. I would take the burn just to have her near me. I was doing so well until she licked her lips. Until her candy tongue slid out and coated her shell pink lips so slowly. I wanted her so badly then. I would have done anything to take her at that moment. I looked away and brought the wine up to my lips. I pretended to take a drink and took a deep whiff of the alcohol to clear my thought. The merlot did the trick. I pretended to swallow and set my glass down. Two could play this game. I leaned forward so I was inches from her face.

"Is that so, Bella? Well, do tell what you know then," I teased.

She backed away, eying me incredulously. "No, Edward, you go first."

"Fine, you can ask me questions and I'll see if I can answer them," I offered.

"How did you know that James was harassing me and that Mike was going to ask me out? How do you seem to know all these things?"

"I'm especially observant, you could say," I volunteered.

"Observant huh? Like being able to hear what people don't say perhaps. Almost like mind reading?" she asked. A smile teased the corners of her mouth. I sat there shocked. I knew she was smart but of all the years I existed no one had ever guessed it without me slipping up majorly. Of course, Bella wasn't like everyone else.

"It's something like that," I answered truthfully.

"What's that guy over there thinking then?" she asked as she leaned forward, her eyes bright with excitement. She was so cute; I couldn't rebuff her wishes. I glanced at the man next to us.

_If Joyce finds out about Terry I'm screwed. I'm sure she can tell. I'm coming home late. All that money unaccounted for. Shit, shit. That's why she wants to meet tonight. I know she'll take the kids and leave me. How do I cover it up?_

"He's cheating on his wife and is trying to figure out how to disguise it," I told her. Bella nodded, and nodded towards the hostess staring over at us. I sighed. I didn't want to focus on that woman. She had annoyed me enough when we walked in.

_That man needs to dump boring Barbie and come home with me. She is so not cute enough for him; I bet she doesn't even swallow. I could show him such a good time. It's a good thing I wore my new underwear tonight, I am so getting some._

"She thinks you look very pretty."

"You are a bad liar," she said scoffing.

"Okay fine, I think you look very pretty" I replied.

She looked down blushing. Dear God, she was killing me. She took a drink of wine and our food came. I pushed the food around on my plate disguising the food I wasn't eating as best I could. I was mesmerized by her mouth. The way her lips wrapped around the fork, her soft tongue poking out. I imagined what her tongue would feel like against my lips, my throat, my stomach, my…I groaned and looked away. She didn't seem to notice. I asked her questions about herself. Likes and dislikes, her favorites and pet peeves. She talked about college and how difficult it was to do the job. She seemed to be holding something back but I didn't want to push her.

Mumbling, she excused herself to the bathroom and I took that opportunity to scoop some food into a small bowl that I sent along with a waitress. I examined her as she returned with fresh lipstick. That dress looked amazing on her; the blue complemented her alabaster skin tone. She was nearly as pale as me. Her body was delicate and sensuous. I wanted her more than I thought was possible. She sat and smiled at me.

"I saw that you know," she said.

"Saw what?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"You sent your food away with the waitress," she pointed out.

"Okay, you caught me. I'm not a big Thai food fan. I just didn't want to disappoint you when you said you wanted Thai."

"That's not it Edward, and you know it. _I_ know it."

"I have no idea what you could be talking about, Bella," I replied, brushing off her comment. I didn't want the night to end up this way. Our check came and I laid down twice the amount the bill would be. I wanted to get out of the restaurant. "Should we go?"

Bella nodded as she rose from her seat. I held up her jacket and helped pull it over her ivory shoulders. Her skin was soft and sultry against my icy palm. She didn't shirk away from my touch. I smiled to myself. I wanted more of her tonight. She walked ahead of me and I rehearsed what I would say. We climbed back into the car and Bella turned the radio on. She obviously was as nervous as me. I could hear her heart echoing loudly in the car. In the full moon light the tension between us was palpable. I wanted to spend more time with her but didn't know how to proceed. I drove as fast as I could to her apartment. I pulled in and put the car in park.

"Edward, come up," she blurted out. Her eyes widened in embarrassment. "I mean, would you like to come up?"

"I'd love to, Bella."

She bit her lip. "Could you wait here for like, five minutes? I want to get some things in order. Clean up and all that."

"Sure, of course. How about I run over to the store and get something for dessert? What's your favorite ice cream?" I asked.

"Um, Phish food. Ben and Jerry's, you know? But you don't have to get dessert. I probably have something upstairs," she said.

"Nonsense, Bella, I'll be back in a few."

"Okay, just come up then." She shut the door, a smile playing on her lips. I watched her skip upstairs.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

I raced up the stairs in my heels that were seriously ravaging my feet. You'd think I would be used to heels like these by now, but unfortunately I wasn't. I burst through the door and ran to my bedroom. I threw the piles of clothes that littered the floor into the closet and pulled the comforter over the bed. I rushed through the house lighting some candles. I glanced around at the apartment. That was as good as it was going to get. As I turned on some music Edward knocked.

_Give your heart to me; I will give my heart to you_

_If you believe in me, I'll do anything you want me to do  
We can stay in bed until the sun turns into the moon  
I will hold you and smile safe in your Arizona room_

I pulled the door open. He looked more amazing after only minutes of absence. I hadn't even realized how much I craved him until I saw him again. How pathetic I could be. He handed me a cold paper bag.

"Some phish food for the lady."

"Thank you good sir."

I waved him in and we walked to the kitchen where I pulled down some bowls and spoons. I began scooping the ice cream when he spoke behind me. "I don't need any."

"I bet," I muttered to the cabinet.

""What does that mean?"

I turned to face him. He stood leaning against the counter. Two of the buttons were undone on his shirt and I imagined running my hand down his chest. I looked down to refocus my thoughts. Why did this man have such power over me? I picked up my bowl and hopped up on the counter, my legs dangling over the side. I crossed my ankles and took a large spoonful into my mouth. Edward's eyes followed my movement and he stared at my lips. I slowly pulled the spoon out. He seemed superhuman, but he sure had some horny tendencies. I smiled crookedly at him. "That means I always knew there was something different about you, Edward Cullen."

"What do you mean different? I am a perfectly normal guy."

"Really? Do you really think that? No, Edward, you are not normal. None of you Cullen's are normal. You're all…" I trailed off, taking a deep breath and leaning my head against the cabinet. He watched me attentively.

"We're what, Bella?"

"Different. You're just different. The whole van incident doesn't help things in my mind either, you know."

"I'm not following you," he said frowning.

"You, your family, you guys are just so…" I paused. How to phrase this? I bit my lip.

"So, what?"

"Beautiful, you're all too beautiful and cold."

"Cold? What do you mean by cold?"

"Not cold, that's not what I mean. God, that sounds so mean," I rushed. God, why was I so stupid? I felt my cheeks flood red. There goes my seductiveness. Now I was simply foolish.

"No, I'm just confused as to what you are talking about," he prodded.

"You're all so perfect. You have the money and the looks and the cars and…."

"So we seem cold?"

"Yeah I guess. I don't even know what I'm saying, Edward, I barely even know you. I've never spoken to any of your family. I am an idiot. I'm annoying you, aren't I?" I took another big bite of the ice cream and stared out the small window for a long silent moment. When I looked back he was watching me with a tenebrous look on his face.

"No, Bella, I am not annoyed. I don't think you could ever annoy me," he replied.

"Just wait. You hardly know me. I'll run you off some way or another," I said.

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere."

My breath hitched at his soft proclamation. "Sure…"

He nodded. "I can't seem to stay away from you. I should go away and yet here I am, in your kitchen, alone with you."

"And you're not telling me everything," I implored. His eyes flashed away before he nodded at me. I took another bite of the ice cream. As I pulled the spoon out of my mouth trying to be sultry I accidentally wiped a piece of caramel on my chin. Edward snickered at me. The mood changed to a blithe air at my inability to properly eat.

"Eat often, Bella?" he teased. I was so embarrassed. Of course just when I thought I couldn't humiliate myself more by acting sexy I manage to wipe a large chunk of frozen dessert on my face. I glared at the floor and went to wipe of the food when he suddenly stood in front of me. His hand stopped mine and he grasped my wrist, carefully pulling it away. His face was inches from mine and I could smell his breath; sweet like lilac and maybe even peppermint. His deep eyes caught mine and the air slowed around us. The pad of his thumb slid across my skin, leaving a blistering path. He wiped the food off my chin slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. Without thinking I grabbed him and brought his hand to my mouth. I took his thumb into my mouth and sucked the ice cream off. His hand was cold inside my mouth. His skin tasted of sunshine. I watched his eyes widen at my bold move and he let out a low grunt. His fingers came up on my cheeks and he rubbed my blush. He trailed down over my jaw, down to my throat. His hand rested on the hollow of my collarbone. Without breaking his gaze he fingered the bone softly. I closed my eyes and groaned, completely involuntarily. Much to my chagrin, I couldn't keep my noises to myself. I leaned forward, licking my lips. His head tilted to the left and I moved to the right. His rose lips just inches away from mine. I moved towards him, closing the gap. I felt the cold sting of his mouth and I pressed my kiss to his lips. Feather soft, his lips brushed mine. He was velvet soft and honey sweet. He pulled away, his eyes closed, and his sweet cool breath fanned over me. "This is wrong, so, so wrong. Shit."

"Why is this so wrong?" I asked, my voice ragged from his touch.

"We just can't do this; I shouldn't do this to you. I can't do this to you. I can't, I wish I could, but I can't."

"Please, will you tell me why this is so wrong?" I brought my hand up to his neck. His skin was smooth and frigid. I laced my fingers through his soft copper hair. My lips were inched from his. "I want to know you, Edward, please let me know you."

"No, we shouldn't. I shouldn't do this," he whispered, his eyes closed. I leaned my forehead on his. Between his skin and the ice cream I had brain freeze.

"Why not?"

"I told you, Bella. I'm not good. You deserve better than this, than me."

"And you aren't going to tell me why?"

"No," he answered.

"That's not fair, Edward."

"Life isn't fair, Bella," he murmured softly. Well, no shit, didn't I know that much. I grabbed onto his hand and reveled in the sultry spark that our touch elicited.

"I'm not going to bite, Edward."

His eyes flashed to mine. "I know that Bella. I just don't think it's good for you to be around me sometimes."

I pulled him closer to me. His hand was colder then the ice cream bowl next to me. I tilted my head down so that I held his topaz eyes. "You don't have to worry about me, you know."

"I'm no good for you Bella." He pulled away and leaned against the opposite counter. His arms crossed in front of himself. He was trying to look tough. I couldn't be sure if he reciprocated my feelings. Could he feel that pull that flowed between us? Did he feel that spark every time we touched? Were these feelings unreciprocated?

"But you like me, right?" I asked, my voice wavering.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer. Could I handle it if he didn't want me in that way? If he liked me so much why was he pushing me away? I was giving him an easy in to kiss me, to touch me, to go further….And he stood across the kitchen. His eyes were soft as the corners of his mouth fought to turn up. His smile was sad and the silence was foreboding. He let out a loud sigh and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "More than you could imagine."

"Then tonight can that be enough for us? I'm not asking for forever Edward, I just want to get to know you."

He chuckled to himself and I saw him mouth a word I didn't catch. He gazed at me; his mouth was smiling but he had mournful eyes. "I want to. I want to know you too, Isabella. I want to so badly but I don't think it would be right. That is why I really should go."

I hopped down and walked to him. I put my hand on his cool hard chest. I heard what he was saying but I couldn't help it. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him near me. His touch made my heart stutter and he lit up my body like a live wire. My resolve hardened at his touch and I knew I needed to try. I needed to see where this would go. I had to be next to him. This was after all the same man I had been dreaming about for years; the same person who haunted me day and night. He was the voice in the back of my head, the face I compared all other men to. How could I just let him slip away once again? I gazed up at him and he was looking down at me, his face conflicted. "Edward, I want you to stay."

**

* * *

**

Anberlin-Cadence

**Everclear-Your Arizona Room**


	7. Chocolate Milk

**So there is a flashback in this chapter. I need to go back and explain why Bella made some of these choices. The next few chapters will feature flashbacks. There is underage drug and alcohol abuse in this chapter. There also will be some repeating from chapter two. Not to worry though, things look very different from Bella's point of view. Forewarning: Bella is not so likable here. Also there is a lemon. **

**Mucho love for my FF Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! **

**I own a new phone**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

_

* * *

_

Everything it seems I likes a little bit sweeter  
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me  
And then there's those other things  
Which for several reasons we won't mention  
Everything about them is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder  
A little bit deadly

**Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk**

**EPOV**

How exactly was it that this woman could completely break down my resolve, so well? I was trying so hard not to rush things. Slow and steady wins the race and all that bullshit. I was from a generation that men needed to act like gentleman. I was trying so hard to be noble and I'm sure I was failing miserably. It took all my strength not to pin her against the counter when she got that ice cream on her face. She was so sweet and embarrassed. Until, she fucking _sucked_ on my thumb. I was so sure I was done for then. And then she kissed me. Or I kissed her. Hell, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that we kissed. A soft kiss, a chaste kiss that lit up my body and made me want to profess my love and paw at her body in the same motion. She aroused me in every way that was possible. I tried to pull away before I lost my cool…before I scared her away. She had made that comment about scaring me away and I had such a hard time not laughing at her. How could she scare me away? There was nothing about her I didn't love. She could never be anything but intriguing to me and I couldn't help myself around her. She had to say the right thing every time. _I want to get to know you. _How could she know… how that would stir my cold heart? Did she have any idea how deeply I felt for her? I pulled away from her. I didn't want to give myself away. She questioned my feelings and made jokes about forever that I had to stop myself from reacting to. I pulled away and she advanced, seeking me out and said the word to break me. She asked me to stay. She wanted me to stay with her. Even though I knew it was wrong, even though I knew it wasn't the right thing to put her through— I knew that she would want answers and I couldn't give them to her. Even knowing all this I did something I hadn't done in the hundred years I existed. I answered without thinking and agreed to stay.

Her eyes lit up and I smiled down at her. The look of pure exhilaration on her face made every risk I was taking worth it. I would take the chance everyday just see her smile at me like that again. The sight of it made me want to sing. She leaned her head against my chest and wrapped her arms around me. I could feel her heart beat and the blood coursing through her veins. Her scent was just as potent as it always had been, but somehow it was coupled with a different desire that held the bloodlust at bay. I wanted her body and soul and I wasn't going to let my demonic ways ruin this for me. I couldn't always be the right person for her but I could try to be with her. She squeezed me tighter and I sunk my face into the top of her chestnut hair. I inhaled deeply and I heard her hum in happiness. She pulled away and grasped my hand, wordlessly leading me into the bedroom. She started rifling through her dresser, finally pulling out a cotton nightgown. She threw it on the bed and turned to me.

"I might have some pajama's that would fit you. I guess I didn't think this sleepover thing through." She looked at me sheepishly, her cheeks flooding with that lovely scarlet that I loved so much. It didn't matter anyways, it wasn't as if I was going to sleep. I shrugged my shoulders at her and watched in amusement as she started pulling out clothes, throwing them on the floor. I sat on the edge of the bed, smiling at her.

"You know, you are absolutely adorable when you are embarrassed. I wish I could see that every day. I might have to find ways to make you blush more often." She blushed deeper red and handed me a large Mariners shirt.

"That's the best I can offer you."

"This is fine, Bella." She smiled at my assurance and we stared at each other for a moment. I realized she probably wanted to change and I would need to change as well. I looked around the room and cleared my throat. "So, um, I guess I should let you get dressed."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Edward, I work at a strip club. I wear far less at work. As for you…well, you're only taking your shirt off. Believe it or not I have seen a man's chest before. I can handle it," she teased me. I stared at her as she turned her back to me. She pulled off her earrings and set them on the dresser. She looked over her shoulder at me and I saw a change in her demeanor. She went from joking to something else, something darker. Her eyes became sultry as she spoke, "Can you get my zipper?"

I stood there stunned at the direction this night was going. With a shaky hand, I grasped the small metal piece. Her ivory skin was soft under my touch and she didn't shirk away when my cold finger brushed her back. I pulled the zipper down quickly and stepped back to watch her shimmy out of the dress. She had on a black lace lingerie set that offset her creamy skin. Her waist was slender and her ass cheeks hung out of the bottom of the lacey boy-shorts. I gulped as she unclasped her bra and the lace and satin fell away. I couldn't see her breasts yet and I knew that I should look away, but her form was more beautiful than I ever imagined. She pulled on the nightgown and turned to me. I had seen her in those outfits when she was working, but there was something about the way her back sloped into her backside, the way the soft white cotton hung on her body and cupped her pert breast. It was tender and so sexy. She slipped her hands under the cotton and my eyes widened. What was she doing? Was she going to touch herself? We had only kissed and she was stripping in front of me. With a mix of arousal and apprehension I watched as she hooked her hands on her underwear and pulled them down in a fluid movement. She smirked at me.

"I suppose those are real sexy looking but there is no way I could sleep in them," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I don't mind." My voice was all wrong. Too throaty, too low. I didn't even sound like myself. Bella sat on the bed and crossed her legs. She motioned to me and I sighed. I guess this was the point that I got undressed. I pulled my blazer off and slowly unbuttoned my shirt. I was trying for seductive, but being a century old virgin, I'm sure I came off as foolish. I shrugged the shirt off and tugged the tee over my head. It was all for looks of course, I wasn't going to give up on the camouflage. The shirt was tight over my shoulders and though it obviously was the biggest shirt she owned, it stopped at my belly button. She giggled at me and I shot her a look. I sighed and ripped the shirt back over my head. "I can't wear that."

"I don't mind if you don't wear it." I ran my hands through my hair. Of course my chest would be the easy part. A man's chest is no big deal at all. It was my pants that were the issue. I knew it would look suspicious if I kept them on, but I was already straining against my pants as it was. I didn't think I could handle it if there were only two thin barriers of cotton and silk between us. I climbed over to the bed and she laid back. I laid down next to her on my side. Her body was angled towards me, her hands under her head. A stray lock of hair fell over her eyes and I reached forward to brush it away. She closed her eyes at my touch and a smile played on her lips.

"Are you going to tell me about you now?" she asked.

"I don't know what you could want to know about me. I'm just a normal guy."

"You're different Edward. I am more observant than you give me credit for. There is something about you. Something I have to get to the bottom of."

"You should just let it go, Bella, it doesn't matter," I whispered.

"It matters to me Edward." Her voice was so soft you would have to have super human hearing to understand her. She gazed at me and bit her lip. I reached over and took her lip out of her mouth and ran the pad of my finger over her lip. All I needed was for her to break the skin. I had pretty good control but I couldn't risk it.

She smiled at me. "You know, I like you Edward. Despite myself I really like you. Even though you are the most confusing and cryptic man I've ever met." She leaned forward until I was inches from her soft lips. I watched her mouth move as she talked. "I've tried to tell myself that I don't need to know anything about you. That I should stay away and yet there I was, sitting in a fancy restaurant with a bottle of wine only I drank and food only I ate. Here I am now, lying with a man I shouldn't even think about and still there I am."

I stared at her shocked. Did she notice that I didn't eat? That my skin was always cold? She was right. She was the most observant person I had ever met…much more observant than I gave her credit for. I sighed. How could I talk to her about this without giving away the secret? It was so dangerous to let her in on our secret life. The Volturi punished such an offense by death. I couldn't risk it. How much did she know? How much had she noticed?

"Do you have questions, Bella?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I don't really expect you to answer them though," she whispered. I knew she was right. I would just have to give her the half truths I relied so heavily on. I gazed at her, assessing the risks. She seemed like she could handle more than your average person.

"I'll make you a deal. You can ask me questions and I'll try to answer them as best I can. I won't lie, but I can't promise to say everything."

She nodded and pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at me. She was obviously trying to figure out how phrase things. "So you can read minds?"

"Yes, I've always been able to do it. It just a gift I have. I can read every person's mind that I have met…with the exception being you of course."

"You can't read my mind?" she looked away, doubtful. "I guess that explains things. Well, I have to say that's a relief. My mind is such a boring place honestly. A little obsessive about certain things maybe but I'm sure it would just bore you to death."

"Now, that I doubt. I don't see how you could ever be anything but mesmerizing to me."

She looked down and I ran a finger over her blushing cheeks. "Okay, next question. Why have you really never been on a date?"

"Like I said before, I never met someone I wanted to date. I was always focused on my schooling, on my family. It was never a thing I wanted to seek out."

"What makes me so different to you?"

How could she not know? Did she not know the pull she had over me? It had been there all night. It was there that first night I saw her in the club. For Fuck's sake it was there on that rainy day in Forks that I thought about killing her, it was there when I taunted her in the hospital. She had no idea the lengths I went to see her. "Bella, aside from the very frustrating fact that I can't read your mind, you just make me feel different than anyone else has. You are the kindest, most compassionate and most beautiful woman I've ever met."

Her eyes became saucers as I described my feelings. "But you hardly know me."

"Oh, I know you, Bella. I've known you for years. You have no idea how well I know you." I probably shouldn't pour my heart out like that but I couldn't stop the words from coming. I could tell I was scaring her.

She ducked her head and her voice became soft. "I feel the same way about you, Edward. This is embarrassing, but I've probably thought about you every day since that day in biology. God, you hated me. I couldn't figure out why someone would dislike me so much. Do you remember that?"

"I remember. And for the record I never hated you. I just couldn't understand you. I couldn't understand how a girl could cause that kind of reaction in me…I didn't know what was happening. I had never felt that way before."

"So you are saying you didn't hate me? All these years I was so sure that you couldn't stand me."

"Quite the opposite, love." I heard her heart suture at the word _love_. I smiled to myself. Bella yawned and I held her tighter to my chest. "You should sleep. You seem very tired. Is that all of your questions?"

"I'm sorry. All these questions probably seem crazy to you. I honestly don't really know what I'm doing. It's been years since I've even really spent time with a man beside Jacob."

My hand stopped. "Who's Jacob?"

"You know Jacob, Jacob Black from La Push. My friend that was with me at the park the other day," she said, yawning again. Her eyes fluttered closed.

Jacob Black. It all made sense now. Of course he would have to be the descendant of Ephraim Black. That had to be the man that Bella became involved with. I remember making the treaty with the great chief. He was cordial even though he wanted to rip us to shreds...like they could have. I glanced back at Bella and feigned innocence. "You know, I don't think I've ever met Jacob."

"He's really sweet. I think you'd like him. He's a little protective of me though. And he leads kind of a…different, I guess you could say. Yeah, a different life."

I raised an eyebrow. Of course I knew that he lead a different life style. I could smell the fucking mutt across the park. I wondered how much Bella knew.

"Do you believe in werewolves?" she whispered, lazily. I stared at her. That was an odd question. She obviously was leading to something. She was trying to lead me somewhere dangerous. I hesitated. If she was asking me about werewolves she must know about her friend. I guess that answered my questions about her information. She could try to get me to admit something but I wasn't going to fall for it. She would have to give me more than that. I pursed my lips trying to formulate an answer that would require her to give me more information.

"I suppose I do. I believe that things are never as they seem. I think it's a little closed minded to think that we are alone. You know? Why would you ask me that? It's kind of an odd question."

"It's just something Jacob said. It kind of stuck with me."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Well actually I heard this story a long time ago…about the traditions and legends of the Quileute Tribe. Stories about the men being descendants from wolves. He said that the wolves only had one enemy, they called it the 'cold one' and it was feared above all else." Stopping to look at me, she ran her hand over my cheek and I realized she was making a point. She was telling me that she knew, that she was okay with it even. I could tell she was gauging my reaction. I could see where this story was going and I was getting a little nervous.

"Sounds like an interesting tale. All those monsters walking around."

Her eyes softened. She leaned forward to press a kiss to my lips once more. "Hey, I'll have you know that I've been saved by monsters before. Jacob saved my life and so did you. You may consider yourself a monster, but I know better." With that she drifted to sleep.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

_Baby Britain feels the best floating over a sea of vodka  
Separated from the rest  
Fights problems with bigger problems  
Sees the ocean fall and rise  
Counts the waves that somehow didn't hit her…._

…_No matter what you keep repeating  
nothing's going to drag me down  
To a death that's not worth cheating_

**

* * *

**

November 2004

This house was always so cold. I longed for the days of 60 degrees in December. Of course, I would have to live in Phoenix for that, and there was no way that was going to happen now. Not after losing Mom. Just thinking about that made me anxious. I crouched down next to my bed and pulled out the small envelope from under my mattress. I watched the door as I shook out two pills into my palm. I slammed them back with a swig of vodka I kept in my flask. I knew Charlie would fucking flip if he knew, but I did a lot of things Charlie didn't like anymore. Well who the fuck cared. I had my own Vitamin R. I wasn't going to let him boss me around. He was too far gone into the bottle to even notice what I was doing anymore.

I looked in the mirror and smudged the dark eyeliner from under my eye. There was a point when I didn't wear make-up…when I didn't wear these kinds of tops. I didn't drink or pop pills, I never smoked or had sex. That seemed to be all I did now. I hoped Mike didn't come find me tonight. I wasn't in the mood for a quick fuck in the Suburban. Jessica was oblivious to us screwing around, but it still seemed risky. She almost caught us two weeks previously at Tyler's; Mike fingering me in the bathroom while the line to use the toilet grew longer. Yeah, so we were a little obvious, what was I supposed to do? Apologize? Not likely, fuckers. Everyone knew. It was common knowledge that Mike fucked everything in the area and he was a good kisser. Who was I to complain? It wasn't like I was looking for a boyfriend. Who needed men anyway? All I needed was some strong booze, a hard dick, and maybe some good pot. That was enough for me right now. Boys only came with feelings, feelings that I didn't want to deal with. I swore that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone. It was too risky. I would only hurt them anyway. That's what I did. I will fuck you in every which way, but don't ask me to care.

My phone rang and I answered it quickly. Jessica confirmed plans with me. She was so dumb. Always trying set me up with guys, when half the time I'm getting screwed by her boyfriend. I didn't mind her too much though. She always had good drinks and killer weed. At least she was good for something. I reapplied my dark lip stick before sneaking down the stairs. Just as I suspected, Charlie was passed out on the couch; a bottle of Jack next to him. I covered him up and took a swig of the whiskey before replacing the cap. He wasn't going to wake up tonight. I was free once again to do as I pleased. I fired up my loud truck and zoomed across town, blaring the music and speeding.

_Now the time is right, and you feel the need  
to go down low and receive a treat  
the jukebox churns out songs about sex  
come on baby, you're my best fix_

I gave Jessica a hug when I arrived. It was best to keep her on my good side. You never know when you would need some BC Bud. She pointed out a few cute boys before announcing she wanted me to meet someone.

"There's a new guy here. I'll tell you if I wasn't with Mike, I would swoop him up. Blonde, blue eyes, tan. My kind of man," she said, her dumb ass giggle breaking the cold silence. That bitch had the most annoying laugh ever. Bad taste in boyfriends too. If she only knew about her darling Mike. _Horny little fucker_…

I followed her gaze and was met with a cute boy across the bonfire. He was tall, blonde and tan. He was bulky and I could tell he spent a lot of time working on his physique. He had a leather jacket on and had some scruff on his chin. He looked like a bad boy if I've ever seen one. Definitely my type, just as Jessica described. He was far cuter than Mike and would certainly do for tonight. I gave him a shy smile because I know guys eat that shit up. They love thinking they're the first guys to ever look at you, let alone touch you. I had the virginal look down. Bad boys loved that. Thinking they were corrupting you. Like that was even possible. He sauntered over to introduce himself. "So you are the elusive Belle?"

I looked down and bit my lip. "Bella Swan."

He laughed. "Beautiful Bird?" he paused, his eyes raked down my body. "Well I can't disagree with the name. I'm Riley Natrall."

Sucker. That shy shit always got them. There was a point that it was genuine, but I soon learned that it was an act I was all too good at. "It's nice to meet you Riley."

"So do you have a boyfriend, beautiful bird?" he asked, a wicked grin playing on his face.

"No, I don't do boyfriends. You boys are just too needy, ya know. I love you, you are my stars…all that shit. I just got so tired of it. I prefer to have fun. Ya know?" I replied. He laughed at my little rant.

"Well, you sound like my kind of girl than. So can I get you a better beer then this? I know everyone here loves the Rainer, but I'm impartial to the better beers. I swiped some Pyramid Hefe's from my stepdad. Or I have a fifth of vodka and some juice if you'd like."

"I would love a fruity drink actually." _Heavy on the Vodka, buddy._

"Okay I'll make you one then." He walked to his car and began mixing a strong vodka and cranberry juice. He returned and I took a sip. It was strong. _My kind of man_. I needed to get blitzed up tonight. I made small talk with him and he shared that he recently moved from a boarding school on the East Coast. He lived in Aberdeen and was there with his cousin who I apparently went to school with. He told me about getting kicked out of school for drinking and riding his motorcycle. I asked him to take me for a ride sometime. That would be incredible. Charlie would flip his twat if I did that. _Serves him right, drunk fucker_.

Some annoying country song came on and Jessica dragged me away to dance. I was feeling pretty good at that point, so I found myself getting a little raunchy. I think at some point I even kissed Jessica. Guys eat that lesbian stuff up. Riley kept giving me drinks and I kept drinking them. Riley pulled me away from the crowd and I followed. He laid his jacket down at the base of a cedar tree. He tried to ask me about myself and I deflected his questions. The last thing I need was some stupid boy thinking this meant something to me. Or at least more than sex. He slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. "Bella, I really like you. Do you think I could call you sometime?"

"Of course you can. Give me your cell I'll give you my number," I said. Of course that all depended how good he was in the sack. "I'd like to see you again."

Riley looked down at me, smirking. He pressed his lips to mine and I could taste the thick beer on his breath. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and fought against my teeth. My mouth moved against him and he pushed his tongue through my teeth. He laced his hand through my hair and pulled me close. His hand grabbed at the front of my shirt, fondling my breast and I pressed against him.

"Riley, are you trying to fuck me?" I asked.

He took my hand and pressed it into his crotch. All teenage boys were the same. He leaned into me and we started falling back. He hovered on top of me and I could feel his length pressing against my leg. Not a bad specimen. His hands lifted up my shirt and grabbed at my bra. I arched my back so that he could unfasten it. I wasn't going to take it off, but he could play with my tits if he wanted to. He pinched my nipple and I groaned into his mouth. He thrust his dick into me and I wriggled against him. He started grappling with his pants. After several minutes he finally got his erection free of his jeans. I stroked the length several times.

"I guess you do want to fuck me than don't you?" I mumbled into his mouth.

He unbuttoned my jeans to stick his hand into my pants. He pushed my underwear aside and slid a finger into my heat. "Oh, God, Bella. You are so wet. I want to fuck you so bad."

"Then fuck me. What are you waiting for?" I purred. I felt him get harder in my hand so I tightened my grip on his dick and stroked it a few more times. He pushed my pants down and I kicked a leg off. It was freezing outside, so he was going to have make this fast. He flicked his erection at my entrance, gliding over my clit. "Just put it in. It's too cold to play around."

He slid it in and I gasped. He drove it in deeper, pounding me against the ground and I felt the pressure build up. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my face to his to kiss me. As my orgasm came over me I arched and bucked against him. I felt him release inside me and we relaxed on the ground. He laid over me, panting. He trailed kissed up my neck, whispering obscenities.

"Bella, that was amazing. Fucking incredible," he murmured into my hair. I shifted under him and began to pull on my pant leg. I straightened my top and began to climb up. I shrugged on my coat at the same time that he was zipping up his pants. He smiled at me. He had straight teeth and full lips. I leaned forward and took his face in my hands.

"You can definitely call me sometime."

"Sweet, I definitely want a repeat of this." He smirked and slung an arm around my shoulder as we walked back to the party. Luckily we were only gone for a few minutes. What can I say…a quickie in the woods was just that, a quickie. As we approached the bonfire, I let out a groan. Parked next to my truck was that telltale Rabbit. _Well, fuck_. We shuffled to his car and he got me another drink. I took a big gulp before looking at Riley to see his jaw clenched.

"Are you sure you don't have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because that big fucking native dude looks like he's going to rip my arm out of socket," he replied. I looked up and saw that Jacob had spotted me instantly. Jacob's eyes were narrowed at Riley's arm still around my shoulder and creeping down my breast. He sauntered over with a macho swagger, looking huge as always. I could see Riley looking at him, his hand tensed on me.

"Shit," I cursed.

His eyes flashed a warning at me. "What do you mean _shit_? You said you didn't have a boyfriend…I like you Bella, but I'm not going to have some kid from the rez beating me up over you."

"Fucking calm down, Riley. He's not boyfriend. Jacob is just a friend who is a little protective. Christ!" I hissed through my teeth. Jacob stopped in front of us. He grabbed me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. Fuck, he may as well have pissed on me.

"Well, well, if it isn't my favorite little delinquent?" Jacob teased.

"Hi, Jacob. What brings you up here with us whiteys? Ran out of pussy on the rez?"

"Oh, ho. So quick with the wit there, Swan. No actually, Quil said there was free beer so I followed," he answered with a mocking smirk. "Apparently this is the place to find easy girls though."

"Fuck off Black, just because I'm not all up on your nuts doesn't mean you have to be rude," I retorted. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He was always giving me shit for my ways.

"Well Bella, aren't you going to introduce me to your latest fuck toy?" Jacob asked. I could sense that Riley was offended by that so I spoke quickly.

"This is Riley, he's from Aberdeen and is Josh Draper's cousin. Riley, this is my bitch ass, no good best friend, Jacob Black. Jacob likes to talk shit he can't back up." They shook hands briefly and appraising looks. Riley flexed his hand. I knew Jacob would squeeze too hard. He always exerted too much strength.

"There is nothing I can't back up, Bella. You know that," Jacob said. His tone was joking, yet there was a menacing undertone. Stupid Jacob, always acting like the Alpha, even when he wasn't with the pack. The tension was as thick as butter.

I cleared my throat, chuckling nervously. "Riley could you give us a moment? Why don't you get me another drink? Heavy on the vodka this time, darling."

Riley nodded and took my cup, walking away. I crossed my arms and turned to Jacob. "What is your deal, cocksucker? Every time I talk to a guy you get all possessive and shit. You can't keep doing that."

"He's a douchebag, Bella. I'm doing you a favor. You don't want a guy like that," he answered with a sneer.

"The hell I don't. What and _who_ I do is none of your concern. You are not my boyfriend and you are not my father."

"No, Bella, I'm your friend. Your best friend and I'm just trying to look out for you."

"Well in case you didn't realize, I'm an adult and will do whatever the fuck I want. You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself."

Jacob sighed, his eyes narrowed to angry slits. "Fine, you want to keep fucking up your life? You just go on ahead. It's not like I could stop you. You're such a stubborn asshole sometimes," he paused to lean in close to me to whisper. "I'm telling you something though. When that guy fucks you over, I _will_ rip his arms out of his sockets."

Of course Jacob heard that. He was a supernatural creature with exceptional hearing. "He's not going to Jacob. I don't let people get to me. He wouldn't have the chance to fuck me over if I don't care about him."

Jacob's eyes were sympathetic. "Someone will Bella. One of these days you'll meet a douchebag like that and he will fuck your life up. And…"

"And what? Protect poor little Bella from the Big Bad Wolf. Oh wait that's _you_. You know, maybe I want to fuck my life up. Maybe I don't even care anymore. You expect me to believe you're just going to pick up the pieces?" I snapped. I didn't need this shit right now.

"That, Bella, is exactly what I'm going to do," he replied, his face soft. It almost made me want to say something nice, something to tell him how good it made me feel to hear those words. But I knew that all they were, words. They were just empty words. He couldn't save me from something I was happy doing. I couldn't allow myself to feel that way. It was too late.

"Go fuck yourself," I hissed before stomping away.

**

* * *

**

Present Day

Jacob did save me though. True to his word, he kept his promise. In the end, he was the one to help me. I knew a thing or two about monsters and I knew that if I never met Jacob or Edward, I would be dead. In one way or another.

**

* * *

**

So Bella was quite the bad ass huh? Even quite the bitch at times. I'm still not sure about my lemony skills. Any tips? Critiques? I'd love feedback.

**What's your favorite song with a crazy title?**

**Rufus Wainwright-Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk**

**Elliott Smith-Baby Britain**

**The Raveonettes-Love in a trashcan**

**Drug Slang (Not to sound too Wikipedia here, but I figured not everyone would follow these references)**

**Vitamin R- Ritalin**

**BC Bud-Marijuana from British Columbia**


	8. Pearls of Water

**I'd like to think of this chapter as a sort of 'you show me yours' type. A lot will be revealed here. Yet another flashback. I hope it sheds some light on things. **

**Warning there is some physical and emotional violence in this chapter. If you don't want to read that then skip over the flashback. PM me if you want it paraphrased.**

**Mucho love for my FF Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**I own a straw hat from Santorini and a ring from Mykonos**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

Swing me way down south  
Sing me something brave from your mouth  
And I'll bring you  
Pearls of water on my hips  
And the love in my lips

**Pearls of Water**

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella drifted to sleep, replaying her words to me. _Monster, monster—_ the word kept repeating. More importantly she didn't think I was a monster. She knew, that much was obvious. She knew more than she was letting on to. She knew about the dog. When I tried to get more information from her she begged me off, feigning drowsiness. I wanted to press the issue but she seemed like she could use her sleep. We had plenty of time to get to the bottom of these tales and folklores. She had spent the night muttering things; indecipherable words and names. I was happy to note that I was mentioned a few times. It was past six and I knew the sun would be coming up soon. It was going to be an overcast morning but I knew I shouldn't chance being seen. Bella's head rested on my arm and her breath was low and warm against my skin. She didn't seem to mind the cool temperature I kept. I brushed a lock of chestnut hair from her face. He face was smooth from sleep. I could only imagine the things that were going on in her mind. It was amazing how the one person I couldn't read would be the most intriguing for me. I leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. She stirred and looked up at me, her eyes clouded with drowsiness.

"Edward, you stayed," she murmured.

"I said that I would."

"I know, but it's nice to see you here just the same." She pulled herself up against the headboard. Her nightgown had ridden up to sit high on her thighs, and I remembered she wasn't wearing anything underneath. I looked away to distract myself from the path my thought were going down. She ran her hands through her hair before climbing out of bed. She fumbled with a thin silk robe and turned to look at me. She waved a hand at me. "Come on, I need some coffee."

I followed her into the kitchen. She obviously drank coffee everyday because she was quite proficient with the complicated machine. As she dumped the grounds into the machine, she tapped her foot. "Edward, I don't mean to be too forward, but I meant what I said last night. It wasn't the wine talking. I really like you."

"I really like you, Bella," I confirmed.

"So, if we are two people who really like each other, than we shouldn't have secrets, right?" she asked, her eyes soft and wary. I considered her for a moment. We almost said the words last night. She almost confirmed her suspicions about me. She seemed to be on the right track and more than anything I wanted to tell her about me. I wanted her to have a place in my world. No, she was my world. I knew that, I had known it for years. I nodded at her. Let her take that however she wanted. She poured herself a cup of coffee and took a sip, gazing over the rim at me. She seemed to be calculating my next move. I leaned against the counter.

"Bella, I think I've told you a lot last night. Certainly enough to make your average person run and hide. Is there a specific thing you want to ask me?" I asked. She may have skirted around it but I needed her to say it outright. She shook her head.

"No, I know. I don't need to ask you, Edward. I already know the truth. Jacob told me what you are. I trust him. You're Apotamkin, the cold one." Her face was serious as she looked for my reaction. In the millisecond it took for the information took to soak in, I listed my options. I could laugh and brush off her accusation. I could confirm or I could play dumb. Her eyes were narrowed as she considered me. I sighed.

"Apotamkin. I haven't heard that one in a very long time," I said. This would have to be as good as I could give her. I took a step forward, now it was her turn. She was asking a lot of me to admit myself to her so easily. She seemed to understand, but I needed her to fully comprehend what I was. If she wanted there to be no secrets she needed to grasp what I was. A killer, a demon. I lowered my voice and stepped closer to her. "Do you know what that is Bella? Do you know what you are asking me? What you are calling me?"

Her chin jutted up and she caught my eyes, holding them there, and challenging me with her cold gaze. "Yes, Edward, I know what it is. My best friend is a werewolf for fuck-sake."

I blinked at her. So she knew that much. She called me by the old name for us. The cold one, Apotamkin - the demon with fangs. Of course these legends were from the east coast. I never expected that those dogs from La Push to even know that word. I wanted to be shocked but I fought it, I needed to keep my composure. "So I noticed, but do you know what I am? What I've done?"

"Vampire!" she yelled. Her hands were on her hips and she shook her head at me. "I know what you are and I am standing here with you now. I've known all along and yet here I am alone with you. I know you aren't going to hurt me."

"How could you know that? I've killed people before…a lot of people. I am not human, Bella. I am a monster."

"It doesn't matter to me, Edward. I can tell what kind of person you are. If you were going to hurt me you would have done it already. I'm still alive. You even saved my life once. Would a monster have done that? I saw Jacob go through this before. I know you may think you are horrible because of what you are, but the truth is…it's about what you do, the choices you make. Do you still hurt people? Did you hurt me? No, you don't. I can see what you are trying to do here, and it's not going to work. I know better than that now. I'm no longer a child, Edward. I can handle this."

I looked at her stunned. No one had ever said those things to me. She knew about me. She knew and was staying. She knew it all along. "How long have you known?"

"Since that day you asked me out in the park. Jacob told me. I had my suspicions about you for years but he just put it all together."

"And you say it doesn't matter? How could you say that?" I pleaded with her. I felt my firm resolve break. She knew, not only did she know but she was accepting me for what I was. She was more selfless than I thought possible. She came towards me, sliding her arms around my waist. Her head rested against my chest and I inhaled her lilac scented hair. I could feel her slow breaths against me and I relaxed in her arms. Having her near made me feel so happy. Happy and whole. How could I let her go now? Now that she knew the truth I could be with her. I could take her away from all this shit in her life. I couldn't wait to tell Alice. That damn girl was always right. "I don't know what I have done right to deserve this, to deserve you."

"Me neither, Edward. I wish I could bottle up this moment, forever freeze it and never have to leave this perfect experience. Just one thing could make it better," she replied. She tilted her head up and I saw the look in her eyes. I bent my head down and met her lips. This kiss started sweet, much like our first one; chaste and simple. I was content with our contact. It felt comfortable and right to have her next to me. She laced her fingers though my hair and pulled me closer. Her breasts pressed against my chest and I felt my dick twitch. She was taking this in a different direction. She traced my lower lip with her tongue and I groaned into her mouth. She was driving me crazy. I ran my hand down her and skimmed her side through the thin robe. She shifted and I grabbed a handful of her ass, pulling her towards my crotch. My erection strained against my pants, and I wanted some release. She squirmed against me and I thrust my burgeoning length into her. She sighed into my mouth and I stopped. I couldn't do this to her, subject her to my hormonal inclinations. She deserved better than someone who would manhandle her at the slightest provocation. But fuck, if I didn't want her. I knew I would need to be gentle with her. She was so delicate and I would handle her with care. I gave her a tight lipped kiss and set my chin on the top of her head. This would have to be good enough for now. I tightened my hold on her and we stood there while the sun began to filter in through the window. "I can't leave now," I whispered into her hair.

"Fine by me," she responded. "I don't want you to leave me."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm not planning on it anytime soon. However, I do mean that I literally _can't_ leave your apartment today. I can't go outside."

"Will you burn up?" she asked with a smirk.

"No, but I'm a little noticeable. I'll have to show you sometime."

"I'd like that," she said, her head tucked into my chest. It was nice that she didn't shy away from my cold skin. A relief that she seemed to accept what I am. She glanced at the clock and yelped. "Oh, shit. I need to get dressed. I can't be wearing my pajamas when Delia gets here."

She hurried out of the kitchen and I followed her into the bedroom. By the time I got into the room she had shrugged off the robe. I wasn't sure if she minded me watching her get dressed. She certainly didn't mind last night. She wriggled on a pair of underwear under the night gown and then grabbed the hem. Despite myself I couldn't look away as she pulled on a bra over her firm breasts. I imagined how good they would taste in my mouth. Her milky thighs gave way to the curve of her cotton underwear. I didn't want my look to linger there so I raked my eyes up her body. I stopped when I saw her stomach. Jagged and puckered, the scar was pink and angry looking. I stared at it. She caught me and her eyes flashed in fear. Instinctively she brought her hand down to cover the old wound. I gazed up at her. "Bella, what happened to you?"

Bella's eyes filled with distant tears. "It's a long story."

"I have time, love," I replied.

"Are you sure you want to hear it? I know, you think you're a monster—well trust me. I promise, you'll think I'm the awful one."

**

* * *

**

BPOV

March 2002

_Cross my heart and hope to  
I'm lying just to keep you here  
So reckless, So thoughtless  
And I could care less  
This glass house is burning down  
You light the match, I'll stick around  
I'll give you everything you want  
And wish the worst of what I was_

…."We can be you friend tonight."

"I'd love to be your friend."

"I'd like to be more than friends with you..."

I picked up my pace and tried to turn down a street, only to find it was a parking lot. I turned around and walked in the opposite direction trying to lose the group. I tried to steady my beating heart. I knew that I had walked in Phoenix tons of times by myself before, and nothing had ever happened to me. Why should I be afraid of some boys in Port Angeles? They looked so clean and nice.

"Hey, come back here, we just want to talk to you," another man called out, laughing with his friends. A six pack of Rainier was dangling from his left hand. I turned around to face them.

"I don't really want to talk," I murmured.

"Oh, don't be like that, sugar," the brown haired one said. "We just want to get to know you. Where are you from?"

"Forks, I live in Forks," I replied quietly.

"Forks, huh? Wait, are you Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah, I am. How did you know that?" I squinted at him, confused.

"My cousin was going on and on about this beautiful girl who just moved up from Phoenix. Long brown hair, big brown eyes and a body to kill for."

"Well I don't think he was talking about me, but my name is Bella."

"I'm Donnie," he said.

"Hi Donnie, I need to go," I replied.

"That's crazy talk we were just getting to know each other." A man said, sneering. He sidled up to me and put his arm around my shoulder. I tried to shrug it off. He had dirty blonde hair and yellow teeth and his breath stunk of weed and cheap beer. He pulled me tighter to him. "I'm Alec, just so you know. Now let's just go in here and get acquainted. Shall we?"

My mind raced with fear. Should I run? Should I go with them and try to get away? Where would I even go? I cursed myself for not getting that cell phone when Charlie offered. I shook my head. These boys weren't that much older than me. They probably just wanted a girl to flirt with. I was overreacting as usual.

"I really should go. My friends are waiting for me," I stuttered.

"Ah, but we've been waiting for longer."

Alec pulled me into the open door of the warehouse. The floor was clear except for a small card table and a few lawn chairs. The sunset filtered through the dingy window panes making shapes on the concrete floor. The men filed around me and sat on the ground. The one named Donnie pointed me to sit in a lawn chair. He held out a beer for me to take. I shook my head.

"Well sugar, please be nice. Take our beer. Most girls would kill for a man to buy her a drink," Donnie said.

"I guess I'm not most girls," I stammered.

"Is that what you think? You think you're better than most girls?" he teased, a menacing smile stretched his features.

I widened my eyes at his tone. I didn't think I wanted to get this guy mad. What harm could a beer do? I took the cool can and popped the top. It fizzed over my hand, and I took a tentative sip. It was bitter and bubbly. _Ugh…disgusting_. I saw them all watching me drink, so I took another long swig and wiped my mouth off with my sleeve.

"I don't think beer is my thing."

"It's an acquired taste. Maybe you'd like something else," Alec coaxed. He handed me a small glass bottle with a brown liquid inside. I opened the cap and was assailed by a pungent and harsh scent. I wrinkled my nose.

"I don't think…" I started saying.

"Just try it, sugar," Donnie said.

I held it up to my lips and took a big gulp. It burned my mouth and was fire down my throat. I coughed while trying to swallow it. I didn't think they would appreciate it if I spit it out.

I handed the bottle back to Alec. "I think beer is more my style."

I took a long pull on the beer. My stomach started feeling warm. I set the beer down. Alec pulled out a cigarette out of his jacket. He opened it for me and I shook my head.

"Come on, Bella, you've already drank— might as well break all the rules, don't you think?" he said smiling.

I sighed and took one. They were long and white. I put it up to my lips. I used to sneak cigarettes with my friend, Julia, in Phoenix. We would sneak up the hill behind the equipment shed and share one of her mom's Parliaments. Alec held the lighter up and I took a drag. The sweet smoke filled my mouth, and as I blew it out, I watched the smoke curl in thedusk light coming through the window. My fingers felt tingly from the nicotine and whiskey. I took another sip of the beer and watched as the boys began to pass around a joint. This party was becoming too much for me. I cleared my throat.

"So, thanks for the beer and the cigarette, but I really need to go now," I stated, trying to keep my voice level.

"We don't have to drink to have fun you know," Alec said. He pulled out a small knife from his pocket and began to clean under his nails. He watched my eyes become wide in trepidation. The mood had taken a definite change to a dangerous area. My survival instincts began to flare up, and I knew I needed to get out of there. I had my fun tempted fate. Somehow the mood had changed. Suddenly I was terrified of these men. My feet were frozen in place. They were too close for me to run and there was no one around to hear me screaming. I struggled to remember the movements to incapacitate someone. Knee to the groin, poke them in the eyes, and stomp on their foot. Maybe if it was only one man it would work, but this was five large college students. I didn't stand a chance. I tried to stand up and Donnie pushed me back down. He held on to my forearm, tightly cutting off circulation.

"Please don't hurt me," I whispered, the tears began to fall down my face. "My dad is the chief of police, and he will have your ass if you hurt me."

"Is that so?" Alec turned to his friends. "Did you hear that? We have the chief's daughter here."

"I'm not lying, check my wallet. Bella Swan, my dad is Charlie Swan. He's chief of police in Forks," I stated, struggling to keep my voice level. One of the men grabbed my purse and dug my wallet out. He looked at the license and pulled out Charlie's business card. His lips went white against his teeth.

"She's not lying, man, It says it right here. Chief of Police. Maybe we shouldn't be fucking around with her," he stammered.

"Shut up and give me that," Alec roared. The man handed it over. I saw the recognition pass over his eyes. He clenched his jaw and looked at me. Somehow, Donnie tightened his grip and I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. Alec paced up and down the floor, letting the knife swing at his side.

One of the men got up and looked at us. "I'm leaving. This shit is fucked up and I am not going to be part of this. You said we were only going to scare her," he pointed to me. "Don't hurt her."

Alec watched him walk out. "If you fucking tell anyone, I'll slit you sister's throat. Don't think I won't," he screamed. Two more guys stood up.

"Yeah Alec, I'm not down with this shit. I'm out of here."

"Me too, you are fucked up dude."

They walked out the door leaving Donnie, Alec, and me. I sat there shaking in the plastic chair. These men were going to kill me. I just knew it. My shoulder convulsed in loud sobs, my voice a screeching cry that echoed through the barren room. Alec walked over to me and I watched in slow motion as his hand came down across my cheek. The sting took my breath away. My head turned to the side and I began to fall from the chair. Donnie held on to my arm and was holding me up as if I was a rag doll. The sobs shook my core. Alec began pacing again.

"Hey, you need to shut up. You are being too loud and if you're too loud we'll have to kill you. Shut the fuck up," Alec warned.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" Donnie mumbled.

"How the hell should I know? I didn't plan this," Alec yelled.

"Well I sure as hell didn't either."

"Just let me think for a moment," Alec muttered. He walked to the door and looked outside. I touched my hand to my lip. It was bleeding. The zinc and salt flavor made me nauseous and I gagged into the floor. Donnie stood above me, his eyes clouded with anxiety. Sobs racked my chest as I lay on the floor. Alec walked over to me and bent down over me.

"Get up," he ordered. My limbs were pliable beneath me. I pushed my arm up and fell back down. Alec kicked me in the stomach. "I said get up."

I coughed, trying to catch my breath. I clutched my middle where pain radiated to my spine and tried again to pull my body off the cement. Donnie sighed and pulled me up by my arm. I was wavering on my feet. Alec approached me, a depraved smile on his face. He held the knife up and slowly traced it down my face, never breaking the skin.

"You really are a pretty girl. It would be a shame for someone to ruin that for you." The knife slid down over my breast and stomach. He grabbed the hem and pulled it out. "Are you as pretty under all these clothes?"

"Man, stop it," Donnie said.

"What? What did you say?" Alec hissed.

Donnie straightened up. "I said, stop it."

Alec pointed his knife at Donnie. "Don't tell me what to do."

"Just give me the knife and we'll let Bella here go. We don't want to hurt her," Donnie pleaded.

"Hah!" he snorted. "Maybe you don't."

"Just put the knife down and we can figure this out. Bella won't tell anyone, will you?" Donnie asked, his eyes begging me to go along with it.

"No, urm, no. I won't tell anyone. Nobody has to know," I stuttered.

"You are a lying bitch," Alec said, his eyes narrowed. He pulled my shirt towards him. I came forward falling, past his side and the knife slid across my stomach, slicing my middle. I heard a pop as my arm came down and snapped from the force. I crumpled to the ground, trying to hold in the blood flow. Donnie pushed Alec down, and I watched them wrestle over the knife. Donnie was slashed on the shoulder before getting the knife away. I held my wound as I stumbled to my feet and out into the harsh dusk lit streets. The building blurred past me in a maze of blood and brick. I screamed like a banshee as I ran as fast as I could, trying to clench the cut. I heard Alec yelling at me as I ran.

"You bitch! If I see you again you're dead. Dead, do you hear me!"

I saw the lights of a car and I ran in front of it. I waved my good arm and the car slammed to a stop inches from me. A woman got out and cried in shock.

"Oh my God! Are you bleeding?" she asked, rushing to my side. I fell to my knees in front of her.

Spots flooded my vision until all I could see was darkness. "Charlie…."

Suddenly bright lights were blinding me. I couldn't focus on a certain point. The cool air chilled my legs. Was I dead? Was this heaven? It seemed too cold to be pleasurable but it certainly wasn't hell. I blinked twice. The ceiling began to come into view. Square tiles crisscrossed above me. A low beeping sounded beside me. I blinked again. The bed creaked beneath me. A sigh sounded next to my head and I felt pressure on my hand. I looked over to see Renee sitting in a chair.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Oh, Bella, you're awake. I was so worried about you. I flew up as soon as Charlie called me. Baby, what happened to you?" she rushed.

"Mom, slow down. I'm fine." I tried to pull myself up and was met with crippling pain in my stomach. "Oh, no, no— I'm not."

She grimaced at me, her hand coming to my head and brushing my hair out of the way. "I'll go call the doctor to tell them you're awake, and then Charlie wants to talk to you."

"About what?" I questioned. I was in too much pain to deal with this bullshit. Couldn't she see that?

"What happened to you, of course," she retorted.

"There's nothing to tell. I don't know what happened."

"What? Bella you can't be serious. You got over twenty stitches across your stomach. You lost pints of blood. You broke your arm. We need to know how that happened. Not to mention the fact that you were drinking. You reeked like a dive bar when they brought you in," she explained.

"Whatever, look, I told you I don't know what happened to me. Besides, you aren't perfect. What kind of example were you? So what…I drank. You were never fucking around to tell me not to. I am so sick and tired of having to deal with your bullshit. What, now you want to be my mother? Now you want to try to pretend you care? It's too fucking late, Renee. Now can I have some peace and quiet please?" I snapped.

Renee drew her hand back quickly and placed it on her lap.

"Well, fine. I can see you are having a hard time. I'll just go get the doctor," she replied. She got up and walked to the door.

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to hear anymore of your bullshit." I turned my head to the wall and closed my eyes.

**

* * *

**

Present day

"I should have stayed away. I never should have placed my trust in small town boys. I shouldn't have gotten drunk with them. If I hadn't done those things, I wouldn't be here. I should have fought the men off right away; instead I was weak and timid. I never told anyone what really happened. I was too afraid to face those men in court. I was too afraid to admit my guilt in putting myself in that position. What kind of girl drank with strangers? " I added. I watched Edward as I shared my story. His face stayed impassive, but his fist curled at his sides. Was he disgusted with me? It was odd sharing the tale with him. I barely knew him, but I felt as if he needed to know. Like there was something between us that required perfect honesty. In the span of one night, he had broken down all my barriers I had spent years building.

"So I guess you know everything that would make you want to leave. I was always the coward; always the monster. The worst thing was that marked the last time my mother was well. I pushed her away because of my own insecurities and fears and refused to see her after that. Now do you see? Do you see why I say that I'm the monster? I hurt one of the only people who loved me, and now I can never apologize. It was spring of junior year. She never told me she was sick. Now she is gone. She died that winter."

Edward took me into his arms. His skin felt especially cold against my hot tear soaked cheeks. "I should have been there. I should have saved you."

**

* * *

**

So there is the full attack. Sorry if it's a little too violent. This isn't a peachy story (Although I am trying for some lemons) I know this Bella is not the innocent one from Twilight. Honestly I'm

* * *

going by how I saw people react to having immature parents. Bella is a little too saintly for my tastes, so here she was rebelling with some bad results. I think it goes without saying that we think differently when we go through a traumatic event, and her views are skewed because of the combination of the attack and her mom's death.

**Dixie Chicks-Truth #2 (Gosh that's a lot of songs with the number two in them. Weird….)**

**Taking Back Sunday- Slowdance on the inside**


	9. Taller Children

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! **

**Mucho love for my FF Betas! xedwardxloverx and MissEsme. Thanks Ladies.**

**I own a crap ton of IKEA furniture.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**So in case you are wondering Bella has the same birth date but is two years older. (b. 1985) **

_

* * *

_

So you think you know better  
Just because, you're older and wiser.  
Don't cha know, you don't get smarter,  
you're the same as you started, and you just jump a little higher

**Taller Children**

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe her story. How could a person do that to another. No, how someone could do that to Bella. Could hurt Bella that way. All I wanted to do was track those men down and tear them limb from limb. Slowly ripping body parts off. I had spent a very long amount of time never becoming violent but I knew that would go out the window if I ever saw those men. I was practically shaking with rage when she described the details. I probably would have lost it if it wasn't for the last part. When she described how guilty she felt. Admittedly I was surprised she was so callous to her mother but for her to blame herself. Unthinkable. She had just gone through a traumatic attack. You can't be held responsible for your actions following something like that. When she broke down and cried to me. My heart broke from her pain. And then she said the worst thing of all. She said it was spring of her junior year. Spring. We had left mere weeks before the attack. I could have saved her. I could have protected her from those maniacs. If I would have been less selfish. If only I would have stayed. I could have stopped it all. I could have stopped it and maybe Bella and I could have been together then. If I had only would have manned up and stayed. It was what my family wanted. I was the one who forced us all to leave. She may blame herself but I could help but feel responsible as well. I knew even then how important she was. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving. I thought I was protecting her from what I was. Instead she was friends with a werewolf, was attacked by delinquents in Port Angeles and worked at a strip club. I could have stopped it all. How different our lives would have been. We could have graduated together. Maybe gone off to college. She would have loved Dartmouth. Maybe even got married. She would have never known the pain that she knew now. I held on to her and tried to comfort her. I tried to reassure her that I would be there. That I should have been there for her. We stood there for a long time; her arms around my waist, her face smashed against my bare chest. Her tears were hot against my skin. She finally pulled away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"God, I can't believe I just spilled that on you. You are probably so freaked out by now," she said, her voice thick with tears. She attempted a smile. I wiped a tear away with my thumb.

"Anytime, love. You can talk to me anytime. I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me about it."

"You're the only person I've ever told the whole story to," she revealed with a sideways glance. "I've never told anyone the truth. Not my dad, not Jacob, not…well no one has heard it. Is that weird that I told you?"

"No, I like that you feel comfortable talking to me," I assured her.

"I just feel like I can talk to you about anything. I know that we really don't know each other that well but I feel so comfortable around you. Like I've known you forever." I took her in my arms and leaned down to kiss her.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me, Bella. How long I waited for someone like you to come into my life. I was so sure that I would never find true happiness with anyone aside from my family. I thought I would be doomed to walk the earth alone for eternity. I have been waiting so long to find something like this," I told her. Bella smiled at me and ran a fingertip over my lip. I kissed it gently.

"How long have you waited?" she asked.

"Bella, are you asking how old I am?" I teased.

"Well, yeah I guess I am. I mean you seem to be young. You don't seem to have aged at all since high school."

"Well neither do you, you look the same to me as in that drizzly day in biology." I said, smirking at her. "I don't know if you'll like the answer. What do you want to know first?"

"Everything, Edward, I want to know everything about you," she said as she leaned forward, her words breathy. I sat down on the bed and pulled her into my lap. I ran a hand through her hair.

"I was born in 1901, in Chicago. My parents Edward Sr. and Elizabeth Masen were dutiful, if not a little busy at times. Dad was a lawyer and my mom kept up our home. We were thoroughly upper middle class. This was before the Great Depression and times were simpler then. The Great War was raging in Europe and I was excited to join up on my 18th birthday. It was September on 1918 when the Spanish Influenza ravaged through my home and we all ended up in hospital. That was where Carlisle found me. My parents had already passed, quickly and relatively pain free he assured me. He changed me and I became his only companion and confidante until he found Esme in 1921. Rosalie joined us soon after and she found Emmett while hunting in Appalachia. Our family grew quickly and by 1950 we were all together. For the most part we have lived together for the last fifty years in relative peace. We have to move around a lot of course but it's nice to have the companionship. It's a little lonely on your own."

"Did you ever go off on your own?" she asked with her bright face close to mine. I offered her a soft smile. I had already told her some things about me. She should know the whole truth. She showed me the depths of her pain and mistakes. I needed to show her mine.

"For a few years I rebelled against Carlisle and Esme. I tried my hand at being nomadic. I would hunt only the evil ones. Murderers, rapists, it helped ease the guilt for a while but I could still hear heir every thought. I still had to listen to their darkest pain as I was killing them. It was a desolate time and when I returned to my family they, thankfully, welcomed me back. I am very lucky to have them in my life. Even Rosalie who drives me crazy every two seconds."

"You miss them," she stated, it wasn't a question.

I sighed. "Yeah I do. They are a wonderful family considering we are all killers."

"Why aren't you with them now?" she asked.

I cupped her face and pulled her to be to kiss her lips. She responded by relaxing into my touch and kissed me back. She tasted bitter from the coffee. I pulled away, rubbing her cheekbone with my thumb. "I'm not with them because I am with you. I lost you once and now I know I can never let you go again. I love my family but you are everything to me now."

"Are you professing your love for me, Cullen?"

"Bella, you are the light that drove me to go into the day and the moon that caresses my skin. You are the breaking dawn over my years of dark nights. You are the missing piece of my cold heart. Does that answer your question?"

"Wow, that's really poetic." she whispered. Pulling away she looked up at me and licked her lips. "Edward, you can't imagine how many nights I dreamt of you. How every time I would talk to a man you would be the comparison. They didn't have your voice, your hair, your eyes. They could never be enough. I couldn't love some in that way because no one affects me the way you do. But…"

My heart stuttered in my chest. Did she not reciprocate my feelings? Was I grasping at straws? Was I too late? Was last night simply a good time for her? Did this mean something less for her? I gave her a confused look and waited for her to finish.

"Edward, I want to give you my whole heart, I want to give you every part of me but I can't. There is a part of me that you will never have. Now if we are being really honest than I need to tell you that I there is something I haven't told you yet. There is someone else. I…" a knock on the door interrupted her and she cursed under her breath. "I need to get that."

She slipped away and I followed her out into the living room. Someone else? Was it that Jacob? Was she in love with the werewolf? She said all there was between them was friendship. Who could it be? Jealousy boiled at my veins. It was a peculiar sensation; hot and grating. What was I to do? I knew I couldn't leave again. I was barely strong enough to stay away before. Before I knew of her kisses, before I knew her smooth skin and tinkling laugh. I couldn't leave after seeing her deep brown eyes looking at me with such passion. I would have take whatever this woman would give me. I would have to take it and be glad because I was completely in love with her. It was too late to go back now.

While she walked to the door I glanced around. I never really looked at her apartment. She always led me astray with her scent and her pull. I was normally so observant I could tell you every last thing in the apartment with the slightest glance. Yet she distracted me from all of that so easily. I walked to the bookshelf and admired her collection of turn of the century literature. She even had Dracula; I couldn't wait to discuss that with her. I almost walked away before noticing the very bottom shelf. I crouched down and read the titles out loud.

_Goodnight Moon_

_The Giving Tree_

_Where the Wild Thing Are_

_Miss Spider's Tea Party_

_Froggy goes to school_

I glanced around the room and saw the things my eyes missed the first time. The drawing of a stick figure on the wall. The tiny shoes by the door. Little coat slung over the arm chair. I walked to the wall and gazed at the portraits lining the hall. A baby with chubby cheeks and Bella's eyes. Bella and a toddler at the pool. A chocolate faced boy with curly blond hair, Bella at his side laughing. A small child in a Spiderman costume. I stared dumbfounded at the pictures. I knew what it meant, but I couldn't believe that it was true. I heard Bella speaking to another woman and quickly read the woman's mind.

_I wonder if Bella got lucky. She certainly has a glow about her…._

Bella and one of the strippers from the club walked into the living room. Bella motioned to the woman. "Edward, this is Delia. Delia this is my…Edward."

_Oh, he is good looking. Especially shirtless. Bella totally got some last night. That harlot. I am so jealous. I wonder if that's how they grow them up in Washington._

She stuck her hand out and I shook it. I forgot that I still wasn't a shirt. That was slightly embarrassing. Bella stood by her side with her lips pursed. She leaned down and pulled a small blonde boy over. She picked him up and he settled into the crook of her neck. "And this is Ryland, my son."

He was about four years old and had springy dirty blonde curls. He had Bella's chocolate eyes and her rosy cheeks. He was all Bella, a beautiful child. The boy gave me a bright smile. "You look like the beast!"

"Ryland!" Bella chided. "That's not nice. I'm sorry Edward, kids don't have a filter."

"No, Mommy at the end. When they're fighting and then Belle's crying and then BAM! He's the prince! Prince Beast," Ryland explained. Bella began to laugh and her friend Delia joined in. I stood there confused, as to what was so funny. Bella hugged the boy closer, laughing into his shoulder.

"Oh, man. You know what, Ryland, I think you are right. He does look like the Prince. They both have the same hair, don't they?" She looked to me. "Have you seen Beauty and the Beast? You actually do look like the main character."

"Yeah and Mommy is Belle. She even reads like Belle. And I'm Chip," Ryland shouted.

"I saw La Belle et la Bête years ago," I answered. Of course that was in the 50's but I wasn't going to say that.

"Well I don't know about that, but this is Disney. Talking teapots and mystical creatures. It's my favorite fairytale. I made Rye watch it all the time," Bella explained. "Would you want to watch it with us? Dee?"

"I should get going. Josh has Eden today and I need to meet him at nine or he gets all pissy. It was nice meeting you Edward. I'm sure I'll see you again," Delia cooed. I wanted to roll my eyes at her overtly suggestive tone.

"It was great meeting you Delia. I hope to see you again next time you stop by Bella's. I should be around a lot from now on," I replied. Reading her mind I knew she got my point.

She left with a small dark haired child trailing after her. "Bye, Eben!" Ryland called out. As the door closed I turned to Bella. I looked at the boy and struggled to read his mind and was faced with a lull of emotions. Not thoughts necessarily, more like a low buzz of feelings. I could sense he was happy but I couldn't follow the exact string of thought. He loved his mother. That much was evident and she loved him. It shone out of her gaze at him. Bella set Ryland down and told him to go turn on some cartoons. I heard the sound turn on and a high pitched song came on. Bella watched me carefully. I don't know how long we stated at each other before she sighed and threw her arms up.

"So yeah, surprise!" Bella said sheepishly.

"This is a surprise. I was thinking a million different things but this was not it. I never would have expected you to have a kid." I answered.

"Yeah, well. It wasn't like I planned on it. I was only 19 when I got pregnant. It certainly wasn't part of my master plan."

"But how..."

"How? I got pregnant the same way everyone else does. I had unprotected sex. I was young and made some dumb choices." She paused, pressing her lips together. "Edward, I want to tell you everything but I don't know if you can handle it. I've made a lot of mistakes before."

"You're still my Bella though," I interrupted.

"Actually, I'm not. I work at a club, I've had sex. I've gotten drunk and used drugs. I'm not the same girl I was junior year. You can see that right? If you want to try to make this work you'll need to see that," she told me softly.

This was all so much to take in. She was a mother. I knew that she wouldn't have been a virgin. It would have been impossible to expect from her. She was twenty four after all. That much I expected but to picture her as a mother. To have the proof that another man had touched her in that way; to see the evidence in such a small package in front of me. The boy had her eyes and her blush. But he didn't have her hair. His hair was so much lighter, his smile was wider. He was a part of her but he belonged to someone else as well. In a way she would belong to someone else. Another man had given her something I never could.

I watched Ryland sitting on the floor cross legged. On the TV there was a cartoon of a yellow hippopotamus and a polka dotted creature dancing around. Ryland sang along with the song. "Who's the father?" I asked softly.

"His name is Riley. He's not around. He would have been bad for Rye anyways. He wasn't the best person I could have been involved with."

I searched my memory for a Riley that attended Forks High. Suddenly I remembered he was the name. The name she muttered in her sleep all those years ago. The name that made me stay away for so long. "I would have been luckier with Newton," she mumbled under her breath.

"Mike? You slept with Mike Newton?" I asked my voice raising. I could believe what she was telling me.

"Yeah, I told you that last night. Remember?" she asked. I thought back to last night. I remembered our conversation about dating. I even mentioning Newton.

…_Well, not officially. We did hang out for a while but nothing ever came of it…_

"Wow, I thought you meant hanging out not. Well not that. I never thought that's what you meant."

"Yeah, it's not something I'm entirely proud of. I was going through a really hard time in my life. My mom had died the previous year. My dad was drinking a lot. I decided to forgo college to stay in Forks and party. It was a dark year and it culminated with…Riley." She put her hand up to her cheek and stared at me for a moment. "Edward, I know this may all seem like too much for you. I know I wouldn't like to hear about you being with another woman. I'm not telling you this for fun. I need you to know this regardless of how hard it may be to hear."

I softly stroked her hair. I kissed her gently; her fingers laced in my hair and held me close. Against her mouth I spoke, "Bella, There is nothing you could say that could make feel different about you. You are my world."

She pulled away and gazed up at me. She laid her palms over my hands on the sides of her face. Her brown eyes were discorded with thoughts. "You say I'm your world and I believe that. Somehow against my better judgments. Against all my previous fuck ups I've had, I believe it. I want you to be that something for me. But you can't be. You say I'm your world? Well Ryland is mine. I wish I could have done something differently but in the end all those bad choices gave me him. I am a different person because of him. Having Ryland changed me. I may wish I did things differently but in the end I regret nothing. I want to care for you, Edward, I really do. But I can only give you so much. I need you to understand that."

This was so difficult. If it was another man I would know how to fight for her. If it was the mutt or that creep James; I knew how to deal with those kinds of opponents but a boy? Not just any boy but Bella's son. A child who was half Bella. Whose mind was a mystery to me as well? How could I fight that? How could I buck against something that she loved so much. The answer was I couldn't. The future that I had created with her was dissolving in front of me. I wouldn't be able to just run away with her. Her son would need to go to school. He would need to grow up. She loved him and I love her. This was some fucked up love triangle.

**

* * *

**

BPOV

It was heart retching to relay my story to Edward. I tried to restrain the tears but they came anyways; hot and betraying. I had expected him to pull away. To cringe at my malice towards my mom but he never did. He just listened quietly. He listened when I talked about the attack and what I told my mother afterwards. That would always be my biggest regret. I watched as I pushed my mother away; knowing how much it would hurt her. The cancer took her quickly and I never got the chance to tell her all the things I should have. To tell her how much I loved her and how I knew she was only looking out for me. I never got to apologize for my insolent behavior. Instead I started drinking and began sleeping around. I tried to take back the control that those men took when they attacked me. I was pushy and forceful with all the guys I slept with. I lost my virginity to a boy from my class between junior and senior year. It was at Lauren's end of year party Jessica dragged me to. I was drinking Icehouse tall cans all night with Malibu shooters. Tyler and I started kissing, he took me to his house afterwards and it just happened. I felt a sense of power, in fact. I was governing the effect I had on him. I could make him feel good or I could make him hurt. Sex was such a physically vulnerable act; I felt a surge of power being able to restrain my emotions. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. I had been through worse. I made him buy me breakfast in the morning before dropping me off at home. He tried to call; come around but I just rebuffed him. I didn't need to risk hurt someone else. I felt like a bottle of champagne. The cork was popped out and I shot so far away. I couldn't go back to the girl I was after that. That summer was a blur of keggers and one night stands. I was so lost in my anger I didn't see the worry in my dad's eyes. And then it was too late. She never even told us she was sick and then she was gone. Her funeral was a masquerade. All black and winter lilies. She hated lilies. She always said they were too restrained. She would have wanted some daisies and sunflowers. A cluster of sunflowers. I placed a single rose on the casket. A lying rose, a rose that symbolized my love. I had nothing left to give. I was a shell. Beloved mother, they kept saying. My words haunted me.

_Just leave me alone, I don't want to hear anymore of your bullshit. _

_Leave me alone…_

Three words I could never take back. I didn't want her around and so she left. I would never hear her voice again. Not even her bullshit. When we returned to Forks I wanted to curl up and never see the light of day. I wanted to punch a wall. I couldn't do any of that though. Charlie's drinking got worse day by day. Slowly I took over running the household. I paid the bills and would make excuses about why he stopped coming to social functions. I resent him the most then. When he was grieving her; he left no one to comfort my grief. I had no one to turn to anymore. I should have been the one being taken care of. I was the one who lost her mother. But Charlie continued to mourn the loss of a woman who had never truly belonged to him. Some days I hated him. Truly hated him, to the core. One night after I cleaned up his mess I watched him sleep and thought.

_What I would do, if he never woke up—just slowly drifted off, to never see the day break again. How would I feel?_

He certainly thought of death, as if it was a welcome idea. Jacob's dad, Billy tried to come up and help as did Harry Clearwater. Nothing changed. He continued to drink and I continued to hate him; steal his liquor and even some drugs from the police station once. I would clean up his messes but I wasn't going to let him control me. I was free to make all the wrong choices. And hell, if I didn't. I ran myself into the ground. The path I was walking down was narrow; the edges a cliff of jagged rocks and lonely promises. Who know how far down I could have gone. How far I would have gone. That is before Ryland…

Ryland. I was nervous about Edward meeting him. Honestly I was sure he would see the evidence. The coats in the closet, the shoes by the door. The pictures in the hall way seemed to be a big tip off. There was even a painting on the fridge; the same fridge that he stood next to last night. Yet, the night went on and he never mentioned it. I had no idea how he would react to my having a son. There were so many points in the night I could have mentioned it. So many times before we even went out. Deep down I knew that I was afraid before. Afraid that if I admitted it too soon Edward would leave. Selfishly I kept it a secret. Held in the truth until Edward confessed his feelings. Until I shocked him with my knowledge of supernatural creatures. I felt guilty for such an omission. The look on his face when Delia and I returned…I knew he realized. How could he not? He was a mind reader after all. I could see it on his face. His jaw was tense and his eyes were circumspect. I knew there was no way for it to be easy on either one of us. Just had to rip off the bandage in one pull. Edward didn't betray surprise when I introduced him to Ryland. And then Ryland cracked that comment about Beauty and Beast. First I was embarrassed but after thinking; it actually made sense. And he did resemble the prince; at least as much as a person could look like a fiction character. At that point I couldn't help but laugh. Poor, Edward was so lost. I suppose Disney princesses aren't high on his list of must see movies.

I glanced at Edward sitting next to me on the couch. They had been coerced into watching Beauty and The Beast after all. When Ryland climbed up on the couch and sat between us I had to bite back a smile. Edward held my hand throughout the movie Tracing circles on my palm and even writing words I couldn't process. I watched his reactions with amusement. At one point he pointed to the screen. "He's right. She does look like you," he remarked.

I blushed as I smiled at him. "Hardly; unless you're referring to my freakish obsession with books. I think she is far prettier."

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know that right?" he asked. I shook my head. "Well it's true. You are very beautiful."

I blushed at the compliment. Even if it was untrue, what girl didn't like hearing those things? He was the beautiful one. He could say what he wanted but I knew I wasn't some gorgeous woman. I was simply a cute girl with straight teeth; A slender girl with shiny hair. It wasn't a bad thing to be ordinary. That was certainly enough for me. I flapped a wrist at him and he caught my hand, to sneak a kiss to my knuckles. His cold lips chilled me, as a tingle of pleasure ran through me. Such an innocent gesture had me so worked up. I looked away from him before I made some overt advances. I had to protect Ryland's eyes. By the time the last song began its refrain, Ryland ended up asleep on the couch; his head on my lap and his feet tucked next to Edwards thigh. It pleased me to see that Ryland felt so comfortable around Edward. I had never brought a man home before and I was worried that Ryland wouldn't like it. I pulled Ryland up into my arms.

_Certain as the sun  
rising in the east  
Tale as old as time  
Song as old as rhyme_

"I'm going to lay him down for his nap. I'll be right back."

"Do you want me to carry him? He seems a little heavy," Edward offered. I considered him. It was hard getting off the couch while clutching a forty pound sleeping boy. At the same time did he know how to hold him; cradle his head, so as not to rouse him from his slumber? Did he know how to lay him down, just so on his Thomas pillow? What harm could it do to let him try? I nodded at him. Edward stood in front of me and slid his hands under Ryland's body. He nimbly shifted him so that he now lay against his chest. He stood there for a minute, holding Ryland. He gazed down at the top of Rye's head in wonder, watching the soft rhythm of his breaths against his chest. It reminded me of when Ryland was an infant —I would spend hours watching the soft spot on his skull rising and falling. Edward looked up and our eyes met. A surge of joy filled me up. His eyes were soft, with a glimmer of love that I didn't think I would ever find. Ryland seemed so natural in Edwards's arms.

_This might me all I need in life._

I blinked away the thought. It was crazy to think that. As passionate as I was about Edward—and I was passionate about him. Even if it had only been one real date, I couldn't imagine how hard it would be when he left.—But my brain nagged at me. Did I really feel that strong about him? Could I allow myself to care for him in that way? Could I care for any one that way anymore? Watching him carrying Ryland, I couldn't help but feel that if I could care for any one it would be Edward. He had already gotten more from me than any other person had. All in the span of a day. I led him to Ryland's room and Edward eased him slowly into the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling the blanket over his small form and kissed him on the forehead. Ryland stirred for a moment; his thumb finally coming up and nestling in his mouth. I smiled to myself and pulled it out gently. His dentist wouldn't like that. Standing up, Edward wrapped an arm around me and held me close. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and I closed my eyes.

_All I need…_

I lingered in the moment, drinking in the serenity of the quiet. In that moment I felt like I could almost hope. Hope for a family, hope for a love, hope for a future for Ryland. We walked out and Edward stopped in front of the picture from Ryland's second birthday. I giggled and pointed to the memory of a chocolate covered two year old. It was one of my favorites. In it Ryland's face was covered in chocolate and I'm hugging him close to my face; our hair blending together in a zebra pattern of blonde and brunette.

"That was a fun day. I invited all the kids from his preschool class and Ryland insisted on scooping all the frosting off the cake before we could serve it. That little piggy. Another mom had to go buy cupcakes. He had fun though. He sure loves chocolate. I tried to be mad at him but, ugh, he was just so damn cute, I couldn't even stay mad at him for more than a minute before laughing. I can't get mad at that little face."

"He's a beautiful child, Bella. He looks like you. He has your eyes and your blushing cheeks," he said softly.

"Yeah, he has my Dad's curls too. I'm afraid every time I get his hair cut that they'll go away, but so far they've stayed," I mused, sighing. It was times like this I missed my father. When I saw him in my son. What would Charlie think of me now?

"The color? And his smile?" he asked, interrupting my reprieve.

I gazed at the picture, frowning. I traced the outline of his lips through the glass. "Riley's. He gets that from his father."

"Are you going to tell me what happened with his father?" Edward asked the picture. I glanced over at him and sighed heavily.

"What happened is a long story," I said, evasively. "I will, someday. But today is not the day."

"The sun doesn't go down for another five hours, Bella. I have time."

"That's all I need. Edward," I murmured. How true were my words? Could he really be all I needed?

**

* * *

**

Elizabeth and the Catapults-Taller Children

**Howard Ashman and Tim Rice- Beauty and the Beast (sorry couldn't help it. I've seen a parallel for a while now.)**


	10. Girl

**More flash backs here. Not nearly as violent or drug filled as the last ones. Pretty angst filled though. **

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! **

**I own a tape from Lilith Fair 1999.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**BPOV**

_I thought I'd known the consequence,  
Sweetness,  
Can you believe this?  
This mess we've made of it  
In years to come it might make sense_

**Late January 2005**

The ceiling fan wobbled above me as I tried to focus on pulling myself up on the bed. Why did my head hurt so damn bad? Ugh, I hated Mr. Cuervo. I could hear Riley down the hall yelling at his roommate, Danny. I brought my hand up to my head and attempted to calm my pounding headache— the mixture of cheap tequila and pot was the bane of my existence. I knew that, but somehow Riley talked me into partying last night. _That bastard_. If he thought he was going to get a morning quickie, he had another thing coming. I was far too hung over to deal with his crap today.

Somewhere in the span of six weeks, I began spending all my time with Riley. Though I swore I wouldn't let him get to me, here I was, laying on his disgusting mattress in his decrepit apartment in Hoquiam. I had resisted his advances, told myself that he was just a good time, but he broke me down. He told me about how his mom left his family when he was young. How the loss of her had broken his heart. He talked about his dad and the slew of tramps that he would be forced to call "Auntie". Women named Ginger and Kippy. Women with fake breasts and a real smokers cough. He was so easy to talk to, it was hard to pretend that I didn't like him. Eventually I began to open up to him. He let me talk about my mom and how much I missed her. He even helped me take care of Charlie a few times. He cleaned up his puke and carried him to bed. Bit by bit, he broke me down and I wasn't that surprised to hear him tell me he loved me. It was odd how quickly I made the switch from hating all relationships to being so consumed with another person. I was crazy in love with Riley. He made me feel alive for the first time in over a year. I gazed down at the small diamond on my left hand. He proposed on Christmas. We were going to wait until after Riley's birthday to tell his family. I hadn't met his older brother yet and had only briefly talked with his dad. Jessica said I was rushing things. Whatever, she was just a jealous bitch. There was no way that man whore Mike was ever going to marry her. Apparently he had been very pissy with her lately, right around the time I stopped banging him…What a coincidence. I knew my dad wouldn't approve of my getting married, but he had no say in my life anymore. I took care of his drunken ass every day and there was no way in hell he could judge anything I did.

I pulled myself up and sat at the edge of the bed. Riley came to the doorway behind me. "Hey there, hot stuff."

"I don't feel good," I grumbled.

"Oh, did my little Belly have too much fun last night?"

"Don't call me that. Nothing about me should be called _Belly_," I retorted. My stomach lurched as I leaned forward. Riley's eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you okay, Babe?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah, just too much tequila last night," I murmured. I turned to look at him and his jaw tensed and his eyes widened in shocked.

"Yeah about last night…I'm sorry about you know…" he trailed off. I gazed at him confused as the previous nights events came trickling back to me. We were at his friend Nick's house. I remember a lot of drinking and pot. Riley doing coke in the back room. I danced with his friend Derek. Oh, oh, oh…Riley pulled me away. We argued…why couldn't I remember? _Did I have that much to drink?_ I ran a hand over my face. As shooting pain zapped me as I grazed my forehead. I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. There was a purple gash on my forehead and my lower lip was sliced on the left side. A sharp pain shot out when I poked the mark on my cheek. My face was puffier than normal after a night of drinking. Riley caught my eye in the reflection.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me last night. I drank too much and I shouldn't have done so much llelo. It will never happen again," he pleaded, coming up behind me. He encircled my waist and hugged me close to his body. My mind was running a mile a minute. Was he saying he did this to me? My face was battered and bruised. _He hit me? How could he have hit me?_ I looked at my reflection again and was shocked to see silent tears streaming down Riley's face.

"What…Why are you crying?" I asked. Should I be relieved or disgusted at him? I didn't know how to feel.

"I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Bella. I love you. In all the shit that is my life you are the one thing I have that is right. You are everything to me and I fucked it up. I swear it was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got mad and then you were on the ground. I didn't mean to push you…and then you fell down…and then…"

"Shhh," I whispered. I put a finger on his lip. "It was an accident, right?"

He nodded, silent tears still stinging his eyes. I rubbed his cheek with the palm of my hand. He seemed so broken by my face. "Well, I can't say that I haven't done this to myself before. We both know how clumsy I can be. It was an accident and it won't be happening again, right? Next time just be more careful. Baby, it's okay. We'll figure this out. I forgive you. It won't happen again and we will just act like last night was just some bad dream."

"I don't deserve you, Izzy," he whispered.

"Sure you do. We are right for each other," I assured him. We stood there for a few minutes, just holding each other. He squeezed me tightly before releasing me.

"We should get ready soon. I told Ricky we'd meet them for dinner at seven. Didn't you say you needed to run home for some things?"

"Uh yeah, I need to get more clothes and Jacob wanted to see me for coffee real quick," I replied.

Riley narrowed his eyes and let out a loud huff. "Izzy, you know how I feel about you seeing that guy. I know that he wants you."

"He's my best friend, Riley. What am I supposed to do, ignore him when he calls? He was there through all that bullshit with Charlie."

"And I'm not?" he retorted. His mood quickly changed and I felt my heart rate increase. I didn't want this right now.

"No you are! But he was there from the beginning. It's just coffee. I'll meet you at the restaurant okay?" I asked, trying to keep my voice hopeful.

"Fine. Whatever." He stalked out of the bathroom. I turned to the mirror and started washing my face. It was still tender from the wounds. The soap stung but I scrubbed it anyways. Last thing I needed was my facial wounds to get infected. _Like I don't look bad enough._ I pulled my makeup out and applied concealer to my face. I was able to cover almost all the marks so that only I could see the difference. I pulled on my grungy Forks PD sweatshirt and jeans before hopping into my truck. With a final appraising look in the rearview mirror, I started the hour and a half long drive North to Forks. As I passed Kalaloch, I noticed the gas gage was dangerously low. There was no use taking a chance in my beast of a truck. I pulled into the small gas station and began to fill up. I strolled into the store and bought a coffee. Considering my hangover, I was in need of some serious caffeine. I topped off the tank and climbed into the cab. I took a large swig of the coffee and started the truck. I was driving about ten minutes when a wave of nausea hit me. I swallowed it back and took another drink of coffee, but the nausea only got worse. I pulled over and climbed over the passenger seat to open the metal door just in time to throw up into the yellow scotch broom. After emptying the remainder of my stomach, I dumped out the coffee. I should have known better than to buy gas station java. I spent the remainder of the trip taking careful sips of water and humming along to the radio, to distract myself.

_Toy diamond ring stuck on her finger  
With a noose she could hang from the sun  
And put it out with her dark sunglasses  
Walking crooked down the beach  
She spits in the sand where their bones are bleaching_

…_Hey, my cyanide girl_

I was lucky enough to find the house empty. Charlie may have been a drunk, but he always went to work. The house sat in a ravaged state, as I hadn't been home for a few days, and Charlie had, as per usual, let it go to shit. I bustled around the house, picking up empty beer cans and half eaten sandwich crusts. That seemed to be the only thing he could make for himself- aside from a mess. Once the house was in a half way decent place, I hurried to my room and threw on a nice sweater and some dress pants. I drew the line at wearing heels.

As I was leaving, I stopped to check myself in the mirror and groaned. If Charlie saw those marks he would flip. I wasn't sure what to tell him. Of course that was the old Charlie; the person he had been before my mother's death. Who know if he would even see it now? It was as if he hadn't seen me in the past thirteen months. I was a poltergeist in his personal horror story; a quiet reminder of the woman he would never have again. I glared at my reflection. I had my mother's smile and her frail bones. I had her eyes; those eyes that broke when I pushed her away. I blinked away the tears. I couldn't do that now. I needed to meet Jacob and red eyes would not go well with my facial damage. The concealer was fading away on my forehead. I fished through my purse until I could dig out my liquid savior and smoothed it over the wound; gingerly touching the gash. Riley seemed so ashamed when he saw the damage. There was no way he would have intentionally hurt me. We were the same person. We were both broken and angry sure, but we had each other. He would never do that to me. He cared about me.

Pulling into the parking lot, I checked my reflection one last time. If someone were to watch me they would think I was really conceited. I reapplied some dark lipstick to hide the cut on my lip. _That would have to be good enough._ I climbed down from the beast and sauntered into the warm shop. The lights were low and soothing. I set my bag down in the corner near some cozy arm chairs, ordered our coffees and sat down to wait for Jacob. I smiled when I heard the music on the radio. I always loved this song.

_I can't be held responsible  
Cause she was touching her face  
I won't be held responsible  
She fell in love in the first place_

Jacob finally showed up, bringing in cold air and little pellets of hail that clung to his jacket. He smiled brightly when he saw me. I stood up and he swooped me up into his arms. Squeezing me tight, he swung me around. "God Damn, Bells. I've missed you! I haven't talked to you in like days!" he exclaimed.

I laughed. Despite our bickering we did in fact talk all the time. Our three days of not talking was startling. "I'm glad to see you too, Jake." We sat down and he grabbed his coffee, taking a huge gulp. "Hey, you know coffee is meant to be savored?" I teased.

"Yeah, latte, grande, frappe whatever," he teased.

"How's Billy?"

"Oh, you know, the same. Always a smart ass. He's been trying to get me to ask Leah out."

"What, oh my gosh, Jake. You two would be so cute!"

"Shit no! I see enough of her when we're running around. Plus she's still all gaga over Sam. You know I had a dream about kissing him last night because of that bitch?"

"Hey! One: don't call her a bitch. I know you're mother raised you better than that. She would be ashamed to hear you calling a woman like Leah a bitch. It's not her fault that Sam imprinted with Emily. Give her a break." Jacob huffed loudly and crossed his arms at my chiding.

"Fine, sorry. What's your second point."

"Is there a little My Private Idaho moment you're having? Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Oh, fuck this. I knew you'd give me shit." Jacob stood up and threw his napkin down on the chair. I laughed and pulled on his arm—like it would do any good. Jacob could pick up a car for fuck's sake. I wouldn't be able to force him to it down.

"Jake, I'm teasing. I know you can't help it. That whole mind reading thing must suck ass."

"Yeah, it can. I mean it's kinda cool sometimes, but I really don't need to know exactly what position Jared and Kim tried out the night before."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be a pain."

"It's not so bad. I guess I've kinda gotten used to it by now."

I bit my lip. It made me sad to see when Jacob was sad about his existence. Since he became a werewolf, he would go through periods of doldrums; reflecting on his 'freakish existence' or whatever. He wouldn't even take over as the Alpha—instead letting Sam keep the title, which is beyond me. I thought he was getting better about moping, but apparently he still had his moments. He probably just needed to get laid.

"What? I need to get laid?" he asked, his eyes wide with shock.

I clapped a hand over my mouth. _Crap, did I say that out loud?_ One look at his face confirmed my suspicions. He glared at me as I gave him a sheepish shoulder shrug. I struggled for the right words, opening my mouth only to have a giggle escape. "Uh, oh, yeah. You…um…yeah….you need to get laid."

"I'll have you know I just got some the other day," he snapped, his shoulders squared back in defiance. I bit back a laugh at his macho man act. A lot of people might buy it, but I knew he was just a teddy bear. I also knew he was practically a virgin. Something about 'the right girl' or some other bullshit. The funny thing was that there were tons of women that threw themselves at him, and of course, Jacob was as clueless as could be.

"Of course, of course you did, Jake. With who?" I teased. Jacob's lips were clamped shut and he shot me a withering look. "That's what I thought. You know, you and Leah might be good for each other. You've seen her naked already; even if it was while phasing. All those animalistic instincts. It could be real hot. You could even do it doggy style…"

As I laughed so hard I gave myself a side ache, Jacob sat back in the chair, his arms crossed and a scowl on his lips. After laughing for a few minutes I was able to pull myself together enough to sit up and try to smooth things over. He could be annoyed with me—I knew he couldn't stay mad for long. I could do no wrong and I knew it.

"Sorry, Jake. I just couldn't help myself."

"Sure, Sure," he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"She is very pretty though. Don't you think?" I asked, my tone serious.

He hesitated for a moment and grimaced at me. "Yeah, she is. I mean, of course she is. When we were in high school she was the hottest girl in school. Everyone was so jealous that she was dating Sam. But now…" he paused to grab a napkin and began to rip it up. "Now she's just so bitter; bitter and unhappy all the time. It's such a huge change, you know?"

I nodded at him. He sighed heavily as he rubbed the back of his neck. He leaned forward to me. "I worry sometimes, Bells."

"About what?" I asked. I couldn't picture what Jacob was so worried about. Not Leah, no, definitely not Leah…

"That I'll end up like her. That I won't find someone and I'll end up as bitter and unhappy as Leah," he murmured.

"Oh, Jacob, that won't happen. Do you not realize how awesome you are? Someday soon you're going to find a girl who is perfect for you and you'll be so crazy in love that this conversation will seem ridiculous."

He gazed at me, his eyes probing. I knew that look. I had seen it too many times over the years; always when he was in these moods. We would be having a great conversation and then, bam, he would start looking at me like I was a math problem to be solved. He wanted so badly to imprint on me; to have me be his soul mate. As if I was capable of a normal relationship. _Yeah, right._

"Jacob, it's not going to work. I know what you're doing. I'm not the girl for you." I tucked my knees up to my chest and watched the hurt pass over his face. "Jake, you know I'm no good. I don't deserve you. You are so good. I mean deep down, such a good person. I would only poison that. I'm no good for you at all. You know that, right?"

"No, Bella. I don't know that. I don't think that at all. You know how I feel. I think you are beautiful, and smart, and funny, and have all this potential."

"But I don't! You don't really see me. I'm not that girl anymore! I'm trouble. Why can't you understand that? I'm a cancer, a parasite. Jacob, you shouldn't waste your time even thinking about me cause you're going to miss some great girl who could actually make you happy. You're going to blow it because you keep trying to save me. I wish you'd just stop it."

"That's my call don't you think? I can waste my efforts however I please."

"It's not going to happen like that, Jacob." I took his hand and squeezed it. "I'll always love you though. But that's all I can give you."

He shook his head for a moment, before nodding. "I know, I know. You keep saying that. I'm not going anywhere though, okay. I'll be here waiting for that douche to screw up and I'll be swooping in all Clark Kent style."

"I think you'd make a better Hulk to be honest," I joked.

We sat in silence for a moment. Jacob shredded a paper napkin into tiny strips and I peeled the sticker off the side of my coffee cup. That was something that was so nice about Jacob and I. We didn't need to fill these voids with meaningless chatter. It was such an effortless repose between us. Being with Jacob, it was like a calming sun ray on a late spring day; sweet and always so warm.

"So what have you been up to? Partying it up like the alkie I know you are?" he asked, breaking the tranquility.

"Actually we did go out last night. To one of Riley's friends house. Um, Nick? Nick Dawson…Daniels? Something like that."

Jacob narrowed his eyes at me. "Nick Dupree?"

"Yeah, that's it. Dupree…Wait, how do you know him?" I asked. From what I remembered, Nick was from Aberdeen— that city was too far away from La Push for Jacob to know someone randomly. It was at least a two hour drive.

"Everyone knows Dupree. We had to run him off the rez just a few weeks ago. He's a drug dealer, Bella," Jacob whispered. I stared at him for a moment before bursting into hysterical laughter. "It's not funny, Bella. I'm serious."

"Christ, Jacob, I know that. You think I don't know that Nick deals? Where do you think Riley goes?" I teased. How naïve did he think I was? Of course I knew. Riley was over there all the time. Nick had even hooked me up with some benzo's the other day.

"You know? You know that he deals and yet you hung out there? With those people," he hissed, his voice was still low enough that I was the only one to hear him. I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my coffee.

"Those people are my friends," I retorted as I shot him a smirk. _Smart ass_.

"Bella, you need to stay away from people like that. I'm worried about you."

"Oh, yeah, what about me?" I teased.

"You know what I'm talking about, Bella. Don't play dumb with me. I know you're drinking all the time. You're going off the deep end. I can see it; all your friends can see it. When's the last time you hung out with someone aside from those druggies?"

"I'm here with you aren't I?" I challenged.

"Yeah, after cancelling twice. You've changed. I know you're still hard up about your mom, but at least before you gave the people who love you the time of day. Do you know how many times I've defended you? People kept telling me you're on something, but I didn't want to believe them. I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Even Billy's worried about you. I keep telling him. 'Not Bella. You don't know her like I do.' Shit, I can't believe you!" he exclaimed.

"Oh give me a break, fucker. I'm not using. And since when was it so bad to drink sometimes? Charlie does it all the time."

"Yeah, he does. Do you want to end up like Charlie?" he interrupted. I fought his stare for a moment before looking away. He was such a stubborn asshole some times. Of course, he was a correct stubborn asshole, which was so much worse. "You know I'm just trying to look out for you. How many times do I have to explain that to you?"

"And how many times do I have to explain to you that _I. Don't. Need. Your. Help_?" I enunciated the last few words with malice. "Look, obviously I thought you were done being some nosy prick but I guess not. I'm just going to go. See ya, Jake."

I got up and stormed out of the shop. Tears stung my eyes and I wiped them away with the back of my hand. _Who does Jacob Black think he is?_ I wasn't being reckless. I was living my life how I damn well pleased. I rubbed my face with my palm. How could one man be so infuriating, and yet I knew I would forgive him immediately. I couldn't help it. No matter how big of a pain in the ass Jacob was, I loved him just the same. I heard his loud footfall behind me but I refused to turn around. Not yet. He needed to earn it. That asshole could chew on my exhaust smoke for all I cared. I was about ten feet from the truck wrestling with my keys when Jacob came up behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm a total fuckhat," he joked. I smiled to myself. Fuckhat. That was a new one. Slowly, I turned to face him. I gave him a small smile. His smile was bright for a moment before faltering. "What the hell did you do to your face?"

**Bayside-Montauk**

**Beck-Girl**

**The Verve Pipe- The Freshman (There is some controversy about whether this song is about a groupie or about an abortion. Does anyone know definitively? And if you don't like this song then I don't know what to say…This song gets me every time.)**

**Benzos- Benzodiazepines**

_**llello - **_**the Spanish word for cocaine **


	11. Come Clever

**We'll be finishing the flash back here. **

**BlackJackLily—I appreciate everything you do for me every time I write. You are a rocking Beta **

**I own this story and the ability to think I am far funnier than I really am.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

Dreams come clever  
Hearts now severed

_  
__Difference of forever  
and I am lost there_

**Come Clever **

**BPOV**

**Late January 2005**

As Jake stood staring at me, awaiting an answer to his question, I self consciously brought my hand up to the mark on my forehead and rubbed the tender area. "Oh, well, I guess I fell down last night."

"What do you mean you guess? Don't you remember?" he asked, his eyes dark with concern.

"No, not necessarily. Riley said it was an accident. I guess…"

"Wait, what? What do you mean Riley said it was an accident? Did that cocksucker hurt you?" he questioned.

"No, like I said, it was an accident. We were arguing and I fell down. It happens," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. The air around him shimmered. I knew he need to calm down or he would phase soon.

"I'm going to fucking kill him."

"No, you're not. You can't hurt him. I love him, Jacob."

"So that makes it okay to push you around?" he snapped. I sighed at him, giving him a look that begged forgiveness. He shook his head from side to side. "Bella, after all the years I've known you, I know you fall a lot. But those…" He pointed to the marks on my face. "Those don't just happen from falling down. I'm not stupid, okay?"

"Jacob, I know what you are thinking, but it's not like that. Riley wouldn't hurt me. He loves me." Jacob scoffed. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Listen I need to go. I have to meet my fiancé."

I sidestepped him and walked to my truck. When I was nearly an arm's reach away, my feet slid out beneath me. I heard Jacob shout behind me as I fell back and pushed my arm out to catch me. I landed on my ass as my left wrist twisted behind me. A sharp pain shot up my arm, causing me to gasp loudly as a splintering heat snaked around my wrist. I brought my hurt hand up, tucking it to my chest. Jacob crouched down in front of me. "Christ, Bella, are you okay?" he stammered.

I squeezed my wrist delicately and was met with yet another shooting pain. I glanced up at Jacob's scared face. _Should I lie and just drive away?_ I held out my good hand and he furrowed his brow. My arm dangled out there for a minute before I got annoyed. "Help me up, dumb ass!" I huffed.

He scrambled to loop his hand around my upper arm and pulled me up. I stood in front of him wiping off my butt with my good arm. I reached into my purse with my left hand and was treated to another throbbing pang. I winced before struggling to keep a straight face.

"Okay that's it. Get in the truck," Jacob ordered.

"What, um I don't think _so_. No. You're not driving my truck. I'm fine," I replied.

"Actually, Bella, you are not fine. I can see you hurt your wrist. I'm taking you to the urgent care."

"I am not getting in the truck with you. You are being an overprotective dick wad right now."

"Bella, I don't like to do this, but I will _make_ you go to the doctor if I have to. I'll be a dick wad if that's what it takes. You know you can't fight me," he stated. I glared at him. _Stupid, overprotective, stubborn, jerk of a dog._ Of course he would pull the werewolf card now.

"You know your special abilities would have come in handier about five minutes ago when I was falling," I snapped, a fuming tone in my voice. "Fine, you want to play it like that fuck face? Let's go. It's not like I could stop you."

He opened the passenger side door and I climbed in as he rounded the front of the truck and scooted into the driver seat. "I'm glad you can sometimes see reason there, Bells." He adjusted the bench seat back. "Christ, just how short are you? I can barely get my leg in here."

"Hey, don't knock the beast or my height. 5'4 is a perfectly average height. We aren't all full of freaking werewolf genes that make us look like Fezzik," I teased.

"Hey, _anybody want a peanut_?" he joked. I laughed and then grimaced when the movement made my wrist hurt more.

The wait at the doctor's office was shorter than normal thank god, because Jacob decided it was time to break out every movie quote he knew.

A young, blond nurse came out in tweety bird scrubs. Her eyes widened when she saw Jacob. She took in his smooth, russet skin and muscled forearms. Licking her lips, she straightened up, throwing her shoulders back to accentuate her already huge boobs. I had to laugh a little. Sure I didn't want Jacob like that, but it appeared every other warm blooded woman did. He was quite a hot ticket right now. "Isabella Swan?"

"Bella, its Bella, and I'm right here," I called out as I stood up. Jacob followed me through the door. I just didn't know if I wanted him to come with me though. I opened my mouth to talk and he shot me a death glare. _Whatever._ It was just my wrist anyways. The nurse's face fell for a moment, but then she shot him a smile that I'm sure was meant to be sexy, but in my pain it made me nauseous. I groaned as I passed her. The nurse eyed Jacob the entire way down the hall. She probably thought she could steal him with a naughty nurse act. Hell, she could have him. Maybe he'd get off my back then. We got settled in the stiff chairs as the nurse took my blood pressure. Jacob made faces at her back and I bit my lip trying not to laugh.

"Okay, Bella, so do you smoke? Drink? Use any substances?"

"Socially?" I answered sheepishly. I assumed you had to be honest at the doctor's office. Besides HIPAA laws were in place for a reason. She gave me a sour look and I returned the sentiment. _Bitchy nurse._ She took the cuff off my arm and wrote in her chart.

"Okay and date of your last period?" she asked. Jacob choked for a moment and I rolled my eyes. Hey, he wanted to follow me in here, that's what he gets.

"Um…first week of December? It was a Tuesday."

"Okay so, December 6th then. So…seven weeks ago?"

I furrowed my brow. "Yeah, I guess."

She pursed her lips and gave a sideways glance to Jacob before smiling at me. Her voice became cough syrup sweet. "The doctor will be in shortly to look at your wrist."

She shut the door behind her after giving Jacob a lingering glance. I laughed as the door clicked close. "Jesus, she was practically eye fucking you."

"No way! Her? She was just being friendly," he claimed.

"Oh yeah…real friendly. Dude, seriously are you that dense? She wants you. You should get her number. I bet she'll let you play doctor…" I raised my eyebrows and gave him a wicked grin. He rolled his eyes and muttered something about "crazy bitches."

The doctor came in and sat across from me. "Isabella, nice to see you. How's your father doing?"

"He's fine, Dr. Snow. Just working a lot." It was a lie, but what was I supposed to say. 'He's a lush and I have to clean up his puke?' Yeah, right. He looked over my chart for a minute before examining my wrist. He poked and prodded more than was comfortable, but in the end announced that it seemed to only be a bad sprain. He ordered me to get some blood work done before my x-ray. Just to be sure. He sent us down to the lab and I groaned when it was my turn. Jacob held my hand as I had an unholy fear of needles. Twenty minutes later we were sitting in the small examining room. Jacob was going through the cupboards and sticking tongue depressors in his mouth like fangs.

"I vant to suck your bloooood!" he cried, lunging at me. I laughed hysterically and threw a cotton ball at his head. It bounced off the door as it clicked open and Dr. Snow walked in. He gave Jacob a warning look and Jacob placed his hands behind his back, the wooden sticks still in his mouth.

"Mr. Black. I would appreciate it if you would throw those in the biohazard garbage when you're done with your shenanigans," he ordered, his tone serious, but I saw a glimmer of a smile on his lips. "Now, Bella, have some news. First, your wrist is not broken, simply badly sprained. I'll slap a brace on there just to help stabilize it. Remember RICE; Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation. That is the key in the first 48 hours."

"Okay, I can do that. Thanks, Dr. Snow." I stood up to leave and he put his hand out.

"Bella sit down. I have something else to say," he said, motioning to the chair. I sat down and looked at Jacob in concern. He shrugged his shoulders. I pointed to his mouth and his eyes widened. He pulled the sticks out and threw them away. I sat across from the doctor and Jacob leaned against the wall behind him. Dr. Snow looked back at him. "Mr. Black, if you would please join us."

I bit my lip in confusion. Jacob sat next to me and without thinking I grabbed his hand. He squeezed it gently. "Okay, what's going Doc?" I asked.

"First off, I wanted to take a look at those marks on your face. How did you get them again?" he asked.

"I fell..."

"Her boyfriend, that how. He got drunk last night and she ends up like this," Jacob interrupted.

"Jacob! Shut the fuck up!" I hissed. I turned to the doctor. He was watching me warily.

"Isabella, is that true?" he asked softly.

"No, I mean, I don't know. It was an accident though. We were drinking…and it is none of Jacob's business," I spoke, giving Jacob a death glare.

"Nevertheless I need to mark it in my chart. Now, you are officially saying you don't remember?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying," I replied frustrated. What was the big deal? I said it was an accident. How many times did I need to repeat myself? I stood up. I needed to get away from the fucking Spanish Inquisition. "Is that all?"

"No, actually, there were some discrepancies on your chart so I ran some tests. Could you please sit down?"

I plopped back down in the lumpy, multicolored chair. Jacob pulled my hand into his. We watched the doctor as he looked over my chart for a moment. He cleared his throat before scratching his nose. The suspense was killing me. What was so important?

"Like I said, I ran some tests on your blood work. It would appear that you are…pregnant."

I blinked several times as his words sunk in. _Pregnant…me? How could I get pregnant? We used a condom every time, didn't we?_ I thought of all those drunken nights. Were we always careful? All those foggy nights came rushing back to me. "But how?"

"You know; sperm and egg. All that jazz. It's not mine by the way," Jacob said. I slapped his chest hard enough to make my good hand sting.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed," Dr. Snow replied.

What a dumbass. Didn't Jacob just talk about my boyfriend? Didn't that asshole listen? I should get a second opinion. _There's such thing as a false positive, right?_

"It's okay, Jacob is just a good friend of mine," I replied. "Are you sure? I mean…mistakes happen. I don't think I could be pregnant. I'm only nineteen."

"Bella, as long as you have working ovaries and a uterus, there is always a chance you can get pregnant," Dr. Snow said gently.

"Shit, Bella. It's no immaculate conception. I'm surprised it took so long to get knocked up," Jacob said, smirking. I punched him in the arm with my good hand. He was such fucking jerk. The doctor gave us an odd look before rambling on about prenatal vitamins and folic acid and avoiding alcohol and drugs. I numbly sat there, only half hearing his words.

Dr. Snow pulled some materials out of the cabinet and set them down. "Now, I'm going to wrap up this wrist of yours, but you have to try and avoid pain medications. After all, you are in charge of someone else's life now. Ah, the miracle of life, huh?"

I watched him wrap my wrist and fear grasped at my heart. _Another life, another chance, a baby._ How could I not fuck this up?

* * *

**Present day**

"At that moment I was so sure that would be the scariest thing I would go through. It was worse than the attack in so many ways. With the attack it was just me. I was the only one in danger. After that…it was almost as hard as losing my mother. "

"Did you think about…" Edward started.

"Yeah, I thought about it. I mean, I didn't want to picture ever bringing a child into this fucked up world. I didn't want to imagine all the ways I would fuck up his life, like I did everything else; up until then, at least."

"Do you think you fucked it up?" he asked me softly.

"I don't know," I whispered. "Some days, I think I have. I mean, I'm working at a strip club, I'm gone at school all the time, and his father isn't around at all. Most days I feel as if I'm fighting a losing battle. What chance does he have to grow up normal? But I don't think I've completely fucked it. Not yet. I think I'm doing the best I can with what I have."

"That sounds like most parents. Right?" he asked. Edward obviously had no experience with children. I could tell he thought it was easier than it was. "Why did you decide to keep him? I mean, there are so many families that pay good money to adopt."

"It just kind of happened. I was undecided for so long. By the time I made a decision it would have been too late," I paused and studied him. "You know, Edward, if you are serious about sticking around…"

"I am. I'm not going anywhere," he stated, proudly.

"Okay, well if that's true than you need to know how hard this is. A child isn't some cute thing that you can dress up. He is messy, loud, and says embarrassing things. He tests my patience every day. He gets sick, spills things and has nightmares at three AM. There is no shut off valve for parenting. It's hard and takes over your whole life. I carry around wet wipes and crayons in my purse at all times. My car is covered in cheerios and Capri-sun spills. I'm tired all the time and yet I can't sleep if he needs me. I'm all he has. You are getting so much more than you bargained for with me."

"Bella, I want all of you. Every part of you and that means I want Ryland too."

I blinked back tears at his words. How many single mothers dream of this moment? This perfect moment when some handsome prince would come through and help them with their child. I wanted so badly to believe him but, how could I? Where would I even get the strength to rely on someone else? I had been alone for so long. I smiled at him through my blurry eyes.

"Does this mean you'll babysit?"

He laughed at me and wrapped me into his arms. I buried my head into his chest and inhaled the sweet and cool scent that lingered on his skin. He rubbed my back, drawing lazy circles with his icy finger. "You wouldn't mind a vampire watching your son?" he teased.

"Why not? He's already had a werewolf babysitter."

**

* * *

**

Anberlin- Naïve Orleans


	12. The New Dawn

Author's Chapter Notes:

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! You are the best Beta ever!**

**I own more wedding magazines than I can shake a stick at.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"_No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn_."  
— Jim Morrison

**The New Dawn**

**EPOV**

I watched her make dinner with humor and smiled at her frantic movements. In the short span of a month, I had grown accustomed to her routines. I would spend my miserable days cooped up in my small hotel room until sunset when it was safe to head to Bella's. Thankfully the winter season made the days shorter and shorter and I was able to go over to her house by five today. The phone rang as Bella was pulling out some spaghetti sauce so I grabbed her phone off the counter quickly and winked at her.

"Swan residence."

"Hi, is Bella there. This is Laurent," a deep husky voice sounded.

I handed Bella the phone. "Laurent."

She knitted her brows together and bit her lip. She put the phone up to her ear, her eyes confused. "Hello?"

I could hear Laurent on the other line. "Bella, I hate to do this to you but I need you to come in earlier. Justine was caught in the back giving some punk a blowjob. I had to fire her."

"Oh, um, well I just started dinner for my son."

"Please, please, Bella. I am begging you. You can leave earlier, by eleven even. I just need someone for her shift. I'll make one of the other dancers take over your tables."

"Well, okay, yeah, let me just call my babysitter and I'll be there soon." She hung up and started scrolling through her numbers. She pressed some buttons before looking up at me. "Crap, Bree is in Palm Springs with her parents this weekend."

"Bella, you know I can watch him," I reminded her.

She bit her lip and considered me for a few long minutes. "I don't know, Edward…"

"I've already watched him while you were at work."

"Yeah, but he was asleep. This is different. You'll need to get him ready for bed…two very different experiences."

"What, don't you trust me? Nothing is going to happen."

"No it's not that it's just that…he just started to get to know you," she mumbled.

"Bella, it will be fine. You say you have to go to work. I can make dinner and take care of Rye. Go ahead," I persisted.

She nodded at me before grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. She sat at the table and began to write out numbers. "Okay, this is the poison control, 911, my cell…"

"I know your cell," I interrupted.

She shot me a withering look. "The police station, the hospital, and my work."

She clipped the list to the fridge. I was amazed she knew all the numbers by heart. In this day and age of cell phones, most people can't remember any number aside from their own. She pulled all the materials out of the fridge and placed them on the counter. "Okay so, Ryland is going to have spaghetti tonight. Here's the pasta and the sauce. He needs to take at least three bites of the broccoli before getting one scoop of sorbet. Not two scoops, just one. He can have as much sauce as he likes because that is also a vegetable. Um…he can watch a half hour of TV after dinner. No more." she said, shooting me a warning look.

"Okay, one scoop and a half hour of TV. I can do that."

"I hope so," she muttered.

"Bella, do you doubt my skills? I can totally do this," I replied, giving her my crooked smile I knew she loved.

Her face softened at me. She blushed, looking down. "I know, I just worry I guess. Honestly, no one aside from Bree has actually watched him while awake, outside of his school. And I hardly ever ask Bree to do it."

"Bella, it's okay. I can handle a four year old."

She nodded. "Sorry, I know."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, at seven he needs to take a bath. He like the SpongeBob bubbles. Pour a little lavender essence in the water too. It will help calm him down. He'll try to fight you on washing his hair but you need to do it. After his bath he needs to put his pajamas on and go to bed. You should read him a few books before he goes to sleep. He is usually asleep by eight thirty. I should be home by midnight at the latest."

"Wow, you sure have a lot you do at bedtime."

She smiled at me. "Bedtime routines are something that has to be adhered to. It is important for Ryland to have a consistent experience every time that he goes to sleep. It is especially important that you do the same things, since I won't be here. I have worked my ass off to get him to follow this routine. Don't screw it up, okay?"

I put my arms in the air in defeat. "You got it, Love."

She looked at me, obviously still assessing my abilities. I placed my hands on the counter, on each side of her. She relaxed into my body and gazed up at me. I leaned down and brushed my lips across her forehead, kissing her soft and warm skin, once, twice, before cupping her face with my hand and bringing her lips to mine. She kissed me back fervently, her tongue tracing my bottom lip. I gasped into her mouth as the heat hit me. She was so dangerous. I could feel my resolve breaking, so I slowly pulled away with chaste kisses. This was a dangerous game we tangled with. She would push me and I would pull away. I knew I couldn't just take advantage of her. She deserved someone to be soft and kind with her. Not some horny man, with seventeen year old hormones raging. She looked up at me and pouted her cupids bow lips at me.

"You should get ready." I mumbled against her mouth. She sighed and her sweet scent washed over me. Nodding, she pulled away and walked out to her bedroom. I could hear her slamming drawers open and closed. Bella flew around the apartment, pulling back her hair into a stubby bun off her face. She threw on an old sweater and a pair of jeans. Originally, when I watched this, I was surprised how casual she dressed when going to work. That was until she informed me that she wasn't allowed to bring the outfit home. Which was just as well, because I thought she was far more beautiful when she was natural. Nothing was sexier than seeing Bella straight from the shower; her hair wet and slightly wavy, a soft tee shirt and cotton shorts. The best part was how the steam would enhance that blush on her cheeks, trailing down her throat and blossoming on her chest. That's how I loved her best.

I turned to the food on the counter. I made a face at the hamburger meat. How any one would think that was appetizing was beyond me. I unwrapped the plastic and dumped the contents in a pan and turned the stove top on. With all my free time I had seen enough cooking shows. I could make jar spaghetti. I left the kitchen and followed her scent into Ryland's room. Bella was sitting on the floor with Ryland, assembling a train track.

"So, baby, Mommy has to go to work early tonight. So Edward is going to watch you, okay?"

Ryland's hand froze over the wooden tunnel and glanced at me standing in the doorway. He narrowed his eyes at me. Our relationship was a little hot and cold. He liked me okay when Bella was around, but he seemed shy when she would leave the room. "Do I still get my SpongeBob bubbles? And my ice cream?"

She nodded. "I told him all about them. You'll have fun. You be good and listen to him, okay? No funny business, mister."

Ryland nodded his head at her. "Okay, Mommy."

"Okay, well, walk me to the door."

Ryland climbed up and she walked with him to the door. I grabbed her coat and purse and stood by the door. She smiled at me as I helped her shrug her coat on. She leaned up to kiss me lightly, the slight brush of her lips sending shock waves through me. Bella gazed up at me, her brown eyes delicate. "Thank you, Edward. This means a lot to me."

"Of course, Love. That's what I'm here for," I replied. She smiled at me before bending down and wrapping her arms around Ryland.

"I'll see you in the morning. I love you, buddy. You're my favorite special."

"I'm your only special, Mommy," he giggled. "I love you, Mommy."

She straightened up, still holding on to Ryland. She kissed the top of his head. I was so moved by seeing her with Ryland. She was a fantastic mother. I knew she felt like she was going to screw it up, but I didn't see how that was possible. The way she loved him and protected him was the most astonishing thing. I had no idea how much a person could love a creature, aside from the way I loved Bella. If it wasn't so awe inspiring I would be jealous. I held my hands out and Ryland climbed from Bella's arms to mine. We stood there, Ryland on my hip, as Bella gave each of us a kiss and then she left. We watched her walk away, climbed into her car, started it and drove out of sight. I shifted Ryland on my hip. He was on the large side for a four year old, not that his weight could bother me. Ryland could weigh five hundred pounds and I wouldn't notice. I closed the door and set him down.

"So now what do we do?" I asked.

Ryland crooked his head. "Play trains. Come on. I have Thomas." Ryland grabbed my hand and pulled me towards his room. He pointed to an empty part of the floor. "Sit down."

I obeyed and Ryland handed me two blue trains. He had a pile of seven multicolored trains in his lap. I smirked at his hording abilities. Obviously he didn't have a lot of chances to share outside from school. He connected all the magnetic trains together, making a pattern; blue, green, yellow, red, blue, green, yellow. He was a bright kid; that much I knew. I didn't know much about child development, but making patterns seemed pretty advanced for a kid that just turned four. I snapped my trains together and followed his through the complex track.

"Did your mommy make this?"

"No, I did. All by myself. I like trains."

"I do too. Have you ever been on a train?" I asked.

"No, but Mommy said that she'd take me one day."

"I've been on one. They're really cool. I'll take you on one someday."

Ryland's eyes got big and a bright smile stretched his face. "Really! That would so cool!"

"Cool," I chuckled to myself. The slang this kid knew. "Yeah, I wanted to take you and your mom on a trip anyways. Would you like that?"

"Oh, yeah! I love trains!"

"It's a plan then," I said, laughing. A beeping noise sounded suddenly and I ran to the kitchen, getting there in under a second. The hamburger was charred to the pan and was heaving large amounts of smoke. Ryland filed in behind me. I picked up the pan and looked at him sheepishly. The smell of burnt hamburger permeated the air, causing Ryland to cover his nose and cough.

I dumped the contents of the pan into the garbage and pulled the bag. I needed to get rid of the evidence that I had screwed up dinner. Ryland watched me with interest.

"Come on, dude. We need to throw this in the dumpster." He placed his tiny hand in mine and we walked down to the dumpster behind the apartment buildings. I threw the stinky bag in and closed the lid.

I turned to Ryland. "Can this be our secret? I don't want your mom to think I can't take care of you," I asked. Ryland nodded at me, although I didn't think he understood what a secret was. I bent down to his level. "Do you want me to carry you on my shoulders?"

Ryland grinned and nodded quickly. I grasped him gently by the arms and lifted him up to sit with a leg on each side of my shoulders and began to walk back to apartment. Ryland giggled and grabbed my hair before fixing his hand under my chin. I smiled. If someone was to look over we would look like a father and son. Like a family. I never, in all my century of existence, thought I could have a family of my own. Why would I? I was a vampire, a soulless creature who in all reality was dead. How could I ever have something with life? A family that breathed and laughed, a child who cried from nightmares and who bled when he would skin his knee. It was more than I could ever hope for. But in that exact moment I did just that; I hoped. I hoped that Bella and I could stay together. I hoped that she would find happiness in me. I hoped that she would let Ryland and I bond. I hoped I could be a role model for him. I hoped to be a father for him. In that moment I realized that I loved him too. I wasn't going to let Bella go and I wasn't going to let Ryland go. I had found my family.


	13. Little Man

Author's Chapter Notes:

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! You are the best Beta ever!**

**I own way more floaties than a girl should. How does that happen?**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

Godspeed, little man  
Sweet dreams, little man  
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

**Little Man**

I pulled Ryland off my shoulders when we reached the doorway and we walked in. I threw together a half way decent dinner, this time paying attention to the food, while Ryland colored at the table. When I served him the dinner, he tried to beg off the vegetables, but I pushed him to try to eat them.

"Mommy doesn't make me eat broccoli. It's okay," Ryland pleaded.

"No, Rye, your mommy said you need to take three bites of vegetables."

"But I don't like broccoli. It's yucky."

"You still need to try it."

He narrowed his eyes at me. Obviously I wasn't passing this test in his eyes. "One bite," he offered.

"Three," I countered.

"One bite."

"Three."

"Two," he said, his eyebrows raised. He obviously had some experience with this negotiation.

"Three and you get two scoops of ice cream."

"Okay!" he shouted, shoving two large scoops of vegetable in his mouth. I groaned. I had been duped by a preschooler. It was frustrating that I couldn't read his mind as well. That would have been a good tactic to get him to do what I wanted. It was amazing that I held two medical degrees, yet a four year old had pulled a fast one on me. It would have been bordering on hysterical if I wasn't so annoyed. I grumbled as I set his plate in the sink and got his bowl of sorbet, giving him two scoops as per our agreement. He was too smart for his own good. I set it in front of him and watched as he shoveled the frozen dessert in his mouth. Bella was right. It was impossible to stay mad at him. By the time he was finished I had a goofy grin on my face and Ryland had raspberries all over his.

"Okay, little dude, you need to wash your face before doing anything else. You are a mess. How about you go watch some TV and I'll get your bath ready," I ordered him. He gave me a sticky smile and hopped down from his chair, walking into the living room and turning on the TV. I rinsed the bowl out. There was no way Bella would know about the ice cream and besides, they were only small scoops anyway. I sauntered past Ryland who was sitting cross legged on the ground only a foot from the screen. I hooked my fingers through his belt loops, pulling him back until he leaned against the couch. The entire time Ryland's eyes didn't leave the show. I laughed to myself as I turned the water on for the bath and tested the temperature with my hand. I really had no way to know how hot was too hot. The water felt scalding against my frigid fingers. I turned the water off and stared at the faucet. How was I supposed to know these things? I didn't want to call Bella just to ask her that question. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to figure out the answer. I walked back out to the living room. Ryland had already watched a half hour of TV while I was trying to figure out the bathtub. _Great, just fantastic, Cullen_. _Way to blow every rule Bella set._ I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed the number I knew would have the answer. I was hesitant to tell my family about Ryland because I was too afraid that they would judge me for staying with her, for putting the both of them in such danger. I had held off with vague and short conversations, mostly with Emmett who didn't ask many questions. Of course I knew Emmett wouldn't have an answer to this question. I had to ask the one person who had a child. I had to ask my mother.

She picked up on the first ring.

"Hello, Edward. Alice said you'd be calling," Esme chimed.

"Hi, Esme. Um yeah, did Alice tell you why I was going to call?" I knew Alice knew. She could see the future for goodness sake. She had to see Ryland by now. Especially now that I had made the choice to stay with Bella. It's been a month, I could try to keep things from her for short periods of time, but I knew I was pushing it.

"No, she just said you have a question for me and that I would know the answer," she replied sweetly.

"Okay, well don't freak out okay? I mean, don't be too angry at me. Just remember that I made my choice and I just need your help now."

"All right, I can do that. I'll be objective," she said, her voice hesitant.

"So, you see, it's like this…Bella has a son…"

I couldn't finish my sentence because the squeals and shouts were so loud. I had to hold the phone away from my ear. I could hear Alice in the background.

"I told you that you would want to hear this!"

Esme returned to the phone after a minute of screeching. Her tone was airy and kind. "Oh, Edward! She has a baby? We're going to have a baby in the family?"

"Well, not technically a baby. He's four."

"Tell me about him."

I looked over at him. His eyes were still glued to the TV. "I don't know, he has blonde curls and is tall, I guess, I mean as much as a four year old could be. He has chubby cheeks and Bella's eyes."

"Oh, Bella's eyes. Little pools of chocolate, huh?"

"Yeah, he's funny too. Smart as can be. He loves cars and trains. And reading the other night he had Bella read him seven books in a row. He's a lot of fun."

"Sounds like this little creature has had quite an impact on you."

"He has. I mean they both have. Esme, I never thought I could care for anyone this way. And now…"

"You feel like you've found your place?"

"Yeah, exactly. I feel like I need to be with them. I'm just crazy about them both."

"I can tell just by the way you talk about them. Like there's a reverence in your voice."

"Uh, yeah, I think so too— Listen I'd love to talk about him all night, but Bella let me watch him tonight for the first time and I don't know the first thing about kids. Bella asked me to give him a bath, but I don't know how hot it's supposed to be."

"Ah, so you're calling me for parental advice."

"Yeah, I'm sorry if it's upsetting…I just didn't know who else would know and I didn't want to call Bella. I've already messed up twice tonight with Ryland, and I need to get this right."

"Its fine, Edward. I'm happy to help. Now what you'll need to do is check that the water is warm, not hot but warm. If you can't tell by touch, just make sure it's lower than 100. And a lot of bubbles, kids love bubbles."

"Bubbles, 100 degrees, okay. I got it. Thanks, Esme."

"Of course." She paused for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. "And Edward?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I know you want to keep Bella to yourself, but now that we know about her little one…well, let's just say…expect us all to be down there soon. I knew Alice has been itching to tell us this little tidbit. She will need to see you soon."

"Oh, yeah, of course. I wasn't trying to keep her away from you guys."

"I know, darling. But now you won't have a choice. Besides, Rosalie wanted to spend her birthday in Sedona. She simply loved it when we drove through. How about we all meet up there. Say on December second?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice. I'll talk to Bella."

I hung up and walked back to the bathroom. I turned the water on, letting it fill up the tub. I scoured the shelves until I found the lavender and dumped some in. I started looking around for the bubbles. I pushed a yellow square character and a red car toy aside. No such luck. I was tinkering through the cabinet when Ryland came in.

"Edward, don't forgot the SpongeBob bubbles," he reminded me.

"I won't. I just need to find them." I ducked my head down and pulled out a bottle of orchid bath gel. Not it. Ryland tapped my shoulder. I turned around and he handed me that stupid yellow square man. "Ryland, I need your bubbles, not a toy."

"SpongeBob, that's SpongeBob. Bubbles are in SpongeBob," he replied. I took the toy, looking down at the buggy eyes and plastic teeth. What a dumb looking character. I unscrewed the lid and was assailed with a sweet fruity scent. Ryland took it from my hand and dumped it into the tub. I grabbed the bottle before he emptied it. The tub swelled frothy white. Well Esme said that kids like bubbles. I checked the temperature and it felt about ten degrees warmer than Ryland's body, so I figured it was about the right temperature. Ryland stripped and climbed into the tub, the bubbles coming up to his chin. We both laughed as he blew wads of bubbles onto the wall.

He splashed around for a few minutes before I found his shampoo. I squeezed the apple scented gel into my hand and began to rub it into his blond curls. Ryland tried to duck out of my grasp, but of course I was faster. I filled a bowl with water and let it douse his hair, washing away the shampoo. He giggled at me and I smiled back at him. He scooped a handful of bubbles in his hands and I watched him, confused, as his pile of bubble came close to my face. He patted the bubbles on my chin. I sat there dumbfounded as he laughed at me, the water quaking.

"You look like Santa Claus!"

I wiped the bubbles off and gave him a teasing smile. I dipped my hand into the mountain and plopped a heap on top of his head. "If I'm Santa, than that makes you my elf."

He laughed at me, splashing me with another mound of bubbles. I splashed him back and soon a full blown bubble fight had erupted. He began to wheeze he was laughing so hard. I vaguely remembered Bella mentioning that the bath was supposed to calm him down. No such luck there. By the end of our soapy war, the walls were covered in white foam. I pulled a towel down from the rack and held it out.

"Okay, dude. Let's get ready for bed." Ryland climbed out and I wrapped him up with the large blue towel. I rubbed his arms dry and then brushed through his curls with a small brush that looked like it belonged to a doll. He stuck his tongue at me in the mirror and I crossed my eyes. He hooked his fingers in his mouth and stretched out his smile and I sucked in my cheeks to make a fishy face. He laughed.

"Hey my mommy does that," he said, laughing.

"Well your mommy is a talented person."

"Yeah, she loves me," he remarked.

"Yes she does," I murmured.

He led the way to the bedroom. He pulled his pajamas out of the dresser and I helped him step into the airplane patterned pants. He tussled with the animal shirt. The pajamas seem tight to me, but maybe Bella needed some more money. I motioned to the bed and Ryland climbed in with some coaxing. I sat on the edge of the bed and began to read him _The Very Grouchy Ladybug. _From there we moved to_ Horton Hatches a Who _andthen _Harold and the Purple Crayon. _I could see Ryland's eyes beginning to droop as I finished the story. I closed the book and gently kissed the top of his head. He smelled clean and soapy. I began to stand up.

"No, Edward, lay with me."

I looked down at him. His eyes were wide open, a smile playing on his face. I sighed and lay next to him. Ryland snuggled against my chest and I gently placed an arm over him.

"You're cold," he remarked.

"Yeah, I'm always cold," I replied. It seemed like the best response I could give. It was true at least.

"It's okay, you'll be warm soon. I always get hot when I'm sleeping," he mumbled. I smiled at him. His eyes were closed and his thumb was sneaking up to his mouth. "Edward…"

"Yeah, Buddy?" I asked.

"You'll be my friend, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be your friend. I would like that a lot," I whispered, smiling. How much those little words meant to me. I was finally making progress with him. Soon I could start to think about that family I wanted. I closed my eyes and began to softly sing to him.

_Godspeed, little man  
Sweet dreams, little man  
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings  
_

Eventually his breathing began to slow and he was finally asleep. I knew I should get up, but it was so fascinating to watch him sleep. Just like with his mother, I was completely and irrevocably crazy about him. I loved them both. I gently pulled him closer to me, his nose ground against my shirt for a moment before settling. I brushed a curl from his forehead and kissed it softly. Dishes and soapy walls be damned. I couldn't move now.

**

* * *

**

**Dixie Chicks-Godspeed**


	14. A Heart to Call Home

**BlackJackLily-You are wonderful and make this story so much more than it was. Thank you.**

**I own two new tops from Cache.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

You're no longer human  
you're an insatiable hole.  
You want to bury your face forever  
in the navel of her soul

**A Heart to Call Home**

**BPOV**

I watched as the clock on the register ticked by mercilessly slow. It pulsed a bright 9:45. I still had over an hour before I could leave; this night never seemed to end. I grabbed the beers from Avi, the bartender, and walked to the table where three well dressed business men sat. I greeted them and exchanged pleasantries while I gave them their drinks. They were loud but pretty polite, which was a welcome surprise. I had found most well dressed men turned out to be the biggest pigs. Give me some cocky twenty-two year old any day. I knew how to put those guys in their place. I walked to the back to check my phone for the twentieth time of the night, just in case. The screen was blank. My mind kept wandering to Ryland—and Edward—and Edward watching Ryland. As sure as I was that Rye would be safe— I couldn't help but worry. Would Edward remember his bubbles? Would he know how Ryland liked it when you rubbed his hair when he went to sleep? I was ill at ease imagining anyone else watching him. I wasn't used to it, not at all. To complicate things, both the boys seemed like they didn't know what to do with the other. Ryland hadn't had much male interaction aside from Jacob—which took weeks of attention and some serious bribing with huckleberries. And then Edward—he certainly didn't know what to do with a kid around. I shouldn't be surprised. How many children hang out with vampires? He was constantly asking questions about Ryland and his interests. He was amazed while watching Backyardigans. He thought the characters were hilarious. He asked me whether Ryland was potty trained and what kind of food he ate. He seemed to regard Ryland as some small alien who lived a different life than an adult. It was humorous most of the time, but tonight it worried me. Obviously everything was fine if Edward hadn't contacted me, so I shut my phone and grabbed my tray to finish my shift.

For the past month Edward had spent every moment he could with me. He would even come out on those rare overcast days. We would go to the park, go to the movies, and even go out to dinner. He always treated, no matter my objections. He insisted that he needed to pay, that it was the right thing to do. I was getting quite spoiled from his generosity. I had over the years gotten slightly better with receiving gifts. I honestly have received several from some regulars: A nice bracelet from John, an iPod from Chris. If they expected something from these gifts, well that's their problem. Laurent had pushed me to accept, saying it was part of the job to let them think they were only a step away from having you. He expected us to be flirty but always slightly out of reach. We couldn't have boyfriends or girlfriends around. He said it was bad for business.

That was just as well, I didn't like Edward seeing me at work. I needed to be seductive and lusty. I wore a red wig and thigh high boots. I became Victoria and left Bella out in my car. While, I wasn't ashamed of my job, the idea of Edward being around the degradation I had subjected myself to was enough to make me apprehensive. My tiny clothes stayed on and the worst thing I did was flirt, but still, it was a side of me I knew he didn't like to see. He wanted to imagine that I was an immaculate girl who had never been spoiled. Of course the idea of me being innocent was preposterous; I was a mother for fuck's sake. He was in denial, That much I knew. He thought I was innocent, built up this vision of me, and it was really starting to frustrate me. Every time we would start getting somewhere good, he would pull away. Mumble some comment about not taking advantage. I couldn't count the times I wanted to rip my clothes off and have him take me against the wall. He was too sexy for his own good. His lips that moved in perfect tempo with mine, his chilly hands that would skim my exposed flesh. Some days it was too much to bear. Today was one of those days. I had strained against him, tried to plead with my eyes. Just take me, right here, right now. But he never relented. He stayed the perfect gentleman; a proper, turn of the century man. It was infuriating. I couldn't figure out what the holdup was- I certainly wanted to push things to the next level. He seemed to respond to my body, I could feel him harden while we kissed, but every time he would push me away. I had never been in that kind of relationship before. Every other time it was sex first, feelings second. Riley was the only one I even let get to me.

_Yeah, and look where that got you…_

I brushed the thought away. Edward wasn't Riley. He would never hurt me that way. I was different then. Being with Riley was like butter on a burn, it may cool the sting, but in the end, you only ended up with more pain. Edward was a healing salve on my past. Being with him…I couldn't even think of words to describe it. I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't face the words, word. A word that was scratching me, coursing through me every time I touched Edward, every time I saw his crooked smile, or his hands traced across my collarbone. Love, that was the word. I swallowed the word back. For so long I had pushed aside any affection. I didn't know how to face a man who gave me his so readily. Even though he had never said the words, I had a feeling he felt it too. He had too, right? I saw flashes of it when I would glance at him, little moments like when I would be making dinner or putting Ryland to bed. When I would play on the slide with Ryland or when I would be drifting off to sleep. At first it was a disconcerting gaze. I felt so uneasy with the tenderness he held in his glances, but slowly I felt my heart begin to crack, tiny fissures, letting him in. I knew I was on the precipice, about to fall. I had spent so much time building up those walls, mortar and bricks that stacked up around Ryland and me, a fortress of safety. How did Edward manage to break through it? And there was a hope in that realization. A hope I had hardly allowed myself in years. I could almost hope for a love, a husband, a family. A father for Ryland, a man who would teach him all the things I couldn't. How to play baseball, how to treat a woman, how to tie knots and sail a boat. The more time we spent together the more I thought that Edward could be that. It was a staggering thought, but one that I had grown to wish for.

I jingled my keys in the lock and nudged the door open. The TV was still on low in the living room. I shrugged off my jacket and hung up my purse on the hook by the door. I turned the TV off and walked to the kitchen. There was a new garbage bag in the trash and dirty dishes in the sink. It was odd, Edward was normally careful about not leaving a mess. I turned the faucet on and filled the sink with soapy water. I let them soak for a minute, walking down the hall. The apartment was completely silent. I peeked into my room, expecting to see Edward reading a book on my bed. I frowned at the empty room. That was weird. I walked down to the end of the hallway. Ryland's door creaked as I opened it. My chest tightened when I looked upon the bed.

Edward was lying down, his feet hanging over the side of the bed and his head cocked to the side on the headboard. Ryland was sprawled out on top of Edward's chest, his little arms wrapped around his waist, his thumb tucked into his mouth. I brought my hand up to my mouth. Seeing them so close together, it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. Tears brimmed on my eyes. The sight was heartbreakingly beautiful. It was more than I could have hoped for. Ryland seemed so comfortable lying with Edward. I looked at Edward and his smile was triumphant. I smiled back, through my tears.

"Hi, love," he whispered.

"Hi," I whispered back. Edward held his hand out and I took it, savoring the icy blessing. He squeezed my hand and I grasped it back.

"I should get up." He gently moved his torso and I helped glide Ryland down on to his pillow. Edward stood up and I covered Ryland with his blanket. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and he shifted to his side. Edward stood to my side, his arm wrapped around my waist. We smiled down at my sleeping son for a few minutes before Edward kissed my hair and mumbled something about a mess in the bathroom. I furrowed my brow and followed him. He stood in the bathroom, a paper towel and spray bottle in hand. I looked around and began to laugh.

"What did you do?"

"Oh, well, we kind of had a bubble fight. It got a little out of hand I guess."

"A little! It looks like a bubble bomb went off in here," I teased.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't realize how much of a mess it was until he was done with his bath," he said reluctantly.

"Hey, it's your mess. Besides it looks like you guys had some fun."

"Yeah, we did." Edward's hand stilled over a sudsy picture on the wall, his face solemn. "Bella, your son is the smartest kid I've ever known. I had no idea how much fun he is to be around."

"Thanks," I whispered, my heart faltering at his words. "I think so too."

He finished wiping off the mess and set the towel in the hamper. Turning to me, he pulled me into his arms. I relaxed into his frozen chest, running my hands down his stone spine. I felt the pressure of his lips against my hair. "If you think you can get rid of me now, you are sorely mistaken. I am just crazy about that little boy in there."

I looked up at him; surely my face was so easy to read. Could he see how that statement affected me? Was the elation present in my eyes? I got up on my tip toes and kissed him, his lips unyielding against mine. I pushed harder and ran my hand around his neck to lace in his hair. He deepened the kiss and I moaned. He pulled away, a glint in his eye.

"I should finish cleaning up. I left a bit of a mess in the kitchen," he replied, his jaw tense.

I slumped against the bathroom vanity. He gazed at me, kissed my cheek and walked out. My reflection was horrid. I had pink spots covering my cheeks and a red chest. My hair was dented from my hair band and itchy wig from work. I ran a comb through my chin length hair. I joined Edward in the kitchen and pulled the ice cream out of the freezer. A huge chunk was taken out. I smirked. _One scoop my ass_. He was finishing up the dishes.

"So, what did you burn?"

He whirled around with wide eyes as I stuck a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. He gave me a guarded look. He was playing something off.

"What makes you think I burnt something?" he asked, his voice serene.

"It's a mommy sense. I can also tell you gave him more than one scoop."

He pinched the skin between his eyes. I smirked at him. It was kind of fun making him sweat for a minute. I really didn't care about those things; I knew how persuasive Ryland could be. He was good at turning on the charm. Edward looked down at the floor penitently. "I tried, Bella, I really tried. But first I burned the hamburger, and then he wouldn't eat the broccoli, and so I said I'd give him two scoops…"

"Let me guess, and then he ate the vegetables right up?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"It's the oldest trick in the book. He's been doing it for over a year now. He was scheming as an infant. That kid is too smart sometimes."

"I know!" he sighed in relief. "I can't believe I was bamboozled by a four year old."

I began to laugh at his word. He frowned, taking in my fit. "Edward, who says bamboozled anymore? BAM-Boozled…"

"Okay, okay. Yuck it up there, Bella. Have a laugh at old fashioned Edward. It's so funny," he cried, exasperated.

"Sorry, I've just never heard anyone use that word without a hint of irony. It was funny. Sorry, I'm done," I explained, wiping a tear from my eye. "Okay, keep going, then what happened."

"Then I had to run his bath, but I didn't know how hot to make the water, so I had to call Esme…"

That stopped my laughter. "You called Esme? So she knows about us? About Ryland?"

"Yeah, she does. Alice already knew, what with the whole seeing the future thing. Somehow she kept it a secret, how I don't know. Anyway, they are very excited for us and they all want to meet you and Ryland."

"Really? Well do you want me to meet them? I mean…it's kind of soon isn't it?" I was hesitant. Sure I was falling for this man, but how soon do you meet a man's family? I had no frame of reference for this situation. Something about Edward and me was different. All the pretense seemed to be stripped away, something like meeting the parents just seemed so…ordinary? Ordinary, and typical, and normal, all things we were not. And what did they think of me having a child? Did they judge me? Was I only baggage, yet another single mother?

"Not at all. In fact I think they're a little annoyed that I haven't introduced you sooner," he said, shrugging his shoulders. He pulled the stopper on the drain and turned to me. "What are you doing next week?"

I mentally ran through my calendar. All free, of course. I had no social life and would be finished with classes later this week. "Nothing, why?"

"We're going to Sedona; my whole family will be there. Rosalie wants to spend her birthday there. Plus I have a surprise planned for Rye. It will be a lot of fun. Everyone wants to meet you two."

I bit my lip. It _was_ tempting to get out of town. What else did I have going on? I nodded my head at him.

His face broke into a wide grin. "Come on, let's go to bed."

"Wait," I said, sliding an arm around his waist and pulling him to the edge of the counter. He watched me, speculating. I jumped up on the counter and pulled his arm until he stood between my legs. His hands sat delicately on my waist. "I want you to kiss me."

His face saddened, darkened at my request. "Bella, I don't think…"

"No, don't think, Edward. Just kiss me, please," I asked with my voice as breathy as I could make it. He sighed and bent his face to mine. I met his lips in the middle, sucking on his lower lip. He tasted divine, like honey and vanilla. I grabbed a handful of hair and drove my tongue into his mouth. He groaned and pulled my body to his. I could feel his hard length rubbing against my center. I wriggled into it and he gasped, pulling away.

"Ah, Bella. I can't. We can't. Not now…It's not safe, it's not a good idea."

I pulled away, something snapping in me. Here I was throwing myself at him and he was rebuffing all my advances.

"You know you are an awfully pushy guy. Shouldn't I make the choice who is good for me and who isn't. I am a grown woman for God's sake. I am so sick of people thinking they need to make choices for me. Don't I get any say in who I want to spend my time with?" I pushed him away and jumped down from the counter, stalking past him to the bedroom. I wasn't going to have another man telling me what to do.

"No, of course you do. I wasn't trying to…" He followed behind me into the bedroom.

I turned around to look at him. I put my hand up to stop him. "Just stop, Edward. Look you say you like me, but you're sure as hell not acting like it."

"It's just complicated. I don't want you to get hurt," he whispered.

"That should be my choice, don't you think?" I barked at him. He stood there silent. I huffed loudly and went to my dresser to pull out my cotton night gown. I threw it on the bed and pulled my sweater off. He stood, stiff in the doorway, as I shimmied out of my pants. I adjusted my bra and turned to him. He was looking away from me, out the window. Great, I was standing in my bra and underwear and he couldn't even look at me. "Edward, you obviously don't care for me, not the way I care for you, so can you please leave and spare me the embarrassment. I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time."

"How can you think that? Of course I care for you. Bella, I am risking everything to be here with you right now. I wish I could explain this but I can't." He was looking into my eyes, avoiding my chest.

"Excuses! It's always the same excuses. This always happens to me. I'm just never enough for a man."

"Bella, you are more than enough for me. If you are anything, it's too much," he spoke softly.

"I don't believe you. It's all words. You can't even touch me for fuck's sake. I'm right here, Edward. You act like I'm some porcelain doll. You aren't going to break me," I shouted. I thumped my fist on my chest to accentuate my point. His eyes glanced down at my breasts, my stomach, down. He looked away again.

"I want to, Bella. I've never wanted to touch someone more. You have no idea how much I want to."

"Prove it," I retorted. He stood there, his eyes filled with pain. His hands were fists at his sides. I wasn't sure what was propelling me. If it was my anger at Edward for being cryptic, if it was my years of celibacy, or just the lust that I had for this man in front of me. Whatever it was, I didn't think as I stalked up to him and put my hands on his chest. Even through his shirt I felt a chill. I pushed him against the door. I knew he was letting me move him. I kept walking to him, closing the gap, until he was flush with the wall. I pressed my body against him and I looked up at him. His jaw was tight and his eyes were dark. I couldn't tell if I was breaking him or if he was going to push me away. "Prove it, Edward. Prove that you want this as much as I do. Prove that you aren't a bunch of cold words."

With a movement I couldn't see, his fingers were in my hair and he pulled me up to his lips. I pushed myself against him and tasted the honey of his mouth. I traced his bottom lip with my tongue and he groaned into my mouth. His kiss deepened and my head became light. His hand loosened against my neck and trailed down my shoulder, riding down my arm until it settled on my waist. He wrapped his arm around me and pushed me back until I felt the footboard bump into my calves. I fell back onto the bed and he came down on top of me. He hovered above me, his weight resting on his arms on each side of me. He brought his kisses from my mouth down to my jaw bone. Soft flutters of silken touches down until he got to my throat. I felt him breathe in deeply at my jugular.

"Bella, you smell so good. So good. I want you so badly," he mumbled into my throat.

"I want you too," I murmured. His hand pushed against my breast, teasing the bottom of my lace bra. He pushed it aside and rubbed my nipple with the pad of his thumb. I threw my head back with a loud groan. He stilled and laid his head on my stomach.

"We need to stop. I can't do this. We can't do this now," he whispered into my torso.

I pulled myself up on my arms. "Why not? What's the matter with tonight?"

"It's too soon."

"I think the timing is perfect. I think I've been waiting a long goddamn time for this. Weeks and weeks of nothing but kisses. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a boob graze. I can't take it. I'm a woman, Edward. I have needs!"

"I know, I want to. You have no idea how much I want this, how much I want you…I just…I could hurt you. So easily, I could hurt you. One false move and…I couldn't do that to you, Bella."

My cheeks flooded my color and I pulled myself up entirely, sitting at the edge of the bed. The rejection sloped through my stomach. My sigh bound in my chest. It had been so long since I had felt this way. I had spent so long rejecting others that I forgot how it felt to truly be turned away. Edward probably thought I was a total whore. We had only been seeing each other for a month. I knew things were different for him. That he was trying to keep his composure and I was trying to get him to sleep with me. What kind of girl was I? He was sure to leave now. Traitorous tears funneled down my cheeks. He put his hand on my back. "Bella, are you okay?"

"What you must think of me….What kind of girl acts that way?"

He chuckled beside me. "I wasn't completely innocent either, Bella. After all, I was the one on top of you. And I do believe I did a little more than a boob graze there."

I laughed at him, wiping my tears. He was right; he was lying on top of me. He did kiss me and I'm fairly sure I felt him get a little excited against my leg before pulling away. I turned to him and saw that he was sitting cross legged on the bed. He took my hand and pulled me around to face him, brushing the tears off my cheeks with a brisk thumb. His eyes were a soft butterscotch, and I found myself smiling.

He lay next to me and I turned to my side to face him. He brushed a lock of hair out of my face. He opened his mouth and then closed it. I pressed a finger to his lips, stopped him. I needed that moment; the purity of his face, the saccharine of his skin, the velvet of his topaz eyes. I was drunk in his presence. I gazed at him and I knew. All those walls, the fortress, the moat, everything was crashing down and I felt a sense of exhilaration at the risk. I loved this man, I could never turn away. It was too late now. I couldn't stop if I want to.

He closed his eyes and touched his cheek to mine. His breath was arctic in my ear. "Bella, I never thought I could find this. Never in my wildest dreams, but here I am. I have you and I have Ryland," he paused, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I love that little guy."

I brought my hand up to my mouth. Did he just say he loved my son? Was I imagining things? I couldn't betray a movement—if I did, I was sure to lose it. The tears would flow and I would be a slobbery mess. He watched me for a moment before pulling me tighter to his chest."And most of all, I love you, Bella."

My breathing hitched at the admission. I laid my hand against his cheek. "Always, Edward, always," I whispered to the pure night.

**

* * *

**

Jewel-Last Dance Rodeo

**Next chapter will explain what happened with Riley…**

"_What do I do, Baby?" I murmured, looking at my reflection. When I was alone like this I could really look at the slight bump that was protruding from my stomach. "How do I fix this for you? I want to do right by you, I just can't figure out what to do…" _


	15. Runaway

**I own this God awful headache.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

I see the future in your eyes  
Like a truth wrapped up lies  
Like a devil in disguise  
I see the darkness in your light

  
_Runaway let's runaway__  
_

**Runaway **

**BPOV**

"This trip is going to be great. It's just what I needed," I told him, my eyes closed to the setting sun going down as it cast shadows over Camelback Mountain. "I can't even remember the last trip I took."

"You can't, huh?" he teased.

"Well, probably when I came down here from Forks," I replied without thought. I regretted the word immediately. That was a tale I wasn't sure I was ready to tell. No, it was a tale I knew I couldn't tell.

"Hey, talk to me," Edward pleaded, his eyes scared. He reached over and pulled my lip from my teeth. I hadn't even realized I had done that. I was so lost in my memories.

"What's wrong?"

Quickly I thought over my tale and figured out the proper edits. There was no telling the absolute truth. No way could I make that story okay, even for Edward to hear. Looking away from him, I quickly lied, "It's just a hard story to tell, that's all."

**February 2005**

My entire left side was sore and I wrapped my arm around my middle while my right hand steered. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but the tears leaked through anyways. My wrist protested against the brace after being slammed against the car window. My knees were scraped up from crawling around on the ground looking for my things. My makeup had faded and every time I checked the rearview mirror I was faced with the mark on my forehead. I scowled as I pulled into Riley's apartment complex. I huffed up the stairs and jiggled the keys until I got the door open. I burst into the foyer and looked around. The carpet was dirty; there was a beer can pyramid by the window and a three foot bong sitting on the coffee table. I walked into Riley's room. His mattress sat on the ground next to a pile of dirty clothes. I sat on the edge of the bed, placing my head in my hands. What was I doing? Why did I think I could take care of a child? I felt so foolish thinking about all those ideas I had only hours before. That we could build a family together? That Riley would be a good father. I pulled my sweater off and went to stand in front of the mirror. The bruise was already blossoming around my forearm. I poked the discoloration and winced at the pain. I stared at my face. I was shocked at the sight; the bruises over my arms, my forehead, my cheek, the slice across my lip. I was the poster of a battered woman. I fingered the bumpy flesh before moving my fingers lower to rest on my lower abdomen. I pressed my palms into my skin. I rubbed the sloping muscles thoughtfully.

"What do I do, Baby?" I murmured, looking at my reflection. When I was alone like this I could really look at the slight bump that was protruding from my stomach. I could actually acknowledge the small life that was forming in my womb, my little pain, my little miracle. I patted my belly in thoughtful rhythm.

"How do I fix this for you? I want to do right by you, I just can't figure out what to do."

Slowly I traced the scar that ran over my stomach. Alec's scar. "Riley's never going to change is he? He's going to hurt us just like Alec hurt me. We'll never be safe here. I can't keep you safe here. Could I take you away from here? Could I take you away from your father?"

I rubbed my belly for a moment before fingering the small diamond on my finger. I took a deep breath. I knew what I would need to do. I would need to be strong for Baby. I couldn't sit idly by and let Baby have some abusive life. I wouldn't allow Baby to hurt the way I did. Baby was too important already. I pulled the ring off and set it on the dresser. It looked lonely sitting there but I knew it was for the best. I grabbed my duffel bag and started throwing in the clothes I had compiled there. I rushed around the messy apartment, picking up clothes, my toothbrush and shoes. I found a pen and paper in the junk drawer and pulled them out. I sat at the table and stared at the blank paper; mytabula rasa, wanting so badly to create that blank slate.

_Dear Riley,_

_I know you will be angry when you see this. I'm sorry but I just can't marry you. I'm going away. I won't be coming back. Don't go looking for me. Don't call Charlie. Don't try to contact me. I can't do this anymore. It just not good for me anymore. I loved you, but I love something more then you now. No matter what, You'll always be with me, now. I'm sorry._

_~Bella_

I left the letter on the dresser under my ring. I grabbed my bag and took one last look around the room before locking he door behind me. I got in my truck and began to long drive up to La Push.

I could hear the music shaking the thin walls of the red barn house. I knocked on the door. No one answered. I shrugged on my hoodie and started walking back to the truck to grab my cell. I heard the door open behind me, I turned to see Jacob rubbing his eyes. "Bella? What are you doing here? I thought you had that big meeting with Riley's dad, today."

I looked down at the ground, kicking a small rock. "Uh, yeah. I had to leave early," I replied, looking up.

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "Bella, what the fuck is the matter with your face? Did he hurt you again? I know that I promised you that I would stay away. But this is the second time and I am going to fucking kill him," he ranted, pacing back and forth. He punched his hand repeatedly.

"I left, Jacob," I interrupted. Jacob stopped his pacing to stare at me.

"What…What do you mean you left?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Just like I said, I left—I'm not going back. I can't do it any longer. I tried. I tried so hard to please him, but I'm just unable to do it, now. I need to make sure that Baby is okay," I answered while staring up at his fac. I tried to read the emotions that passed over his face; Happiness, fear, happiness, sadness. Jacob nodded curtly at me and looked over my shoulder at the out cropping of trees that lined his property. He opened his mouth, closed it. I could see the words struggling against his lips.

"Bella, what are you going to do? I mean are you going to just get him to agree to pay child support?" he asked, softly.

"I'm not telling him Jacob. I don't want Riley or his family around this baby," I whispered. The sad truth of my words were cold in my mouth. Did I mean it? Could I just leave? Was this some flight of fancy? I rubbed the tears off my cheeks.

"Well, what are you going to do, then?"

"I don't know but I need to get out of here. Now."

"Okay well come in and we'll get you figured out." He slinked a warm arm around my shoulder and pulled me into the small house with him.

In my half asleep stupor I rolled over and fell off the bed. I landed on Jacob—lying across the floor, a small blanket over his torso. He grumbled for a moment and then pulled me into his body. I had to push with all my might to get his boiling arm off me. I huffed loudly—that was what I got, for forgetting where I was. I was so sure I was back home, in my queen sized bed with the purple sheets and my collection of Saint Bernard stuffed dogs. That I was home, where I was safe. It took me a moment to get my bearings, the day before event haunting me. I was in Jacob's room. I had left Riley, he would have gotten my letter by now. How angry would he be? I sighed and my ribs protested, from falling against that car. A wave of morning sickness struck me. I elbowed Jacob and he sighed, rolling over on top of me, pinning me to the scratchy carpet.

"Damn it, Jacob! Get off me!" I shouted. He shook his head, his eyes squinting open. I punched him in the arm. "I am going to puke all over you jack ass."

Jacob put his hands in the air and I jumped up to run into the bathroom. I barely made it, before getting sick. Jacob knocked on the door. "Bells, you okay? I'm coming in."

I sat back on my haunches. Jacob walked in and leaned against the doorframe. "You okay?"

"No, I'm pregnant, you half wit," I retorted.

He smiled at my insult. "Yeah, apparently I'm the only one who knows that."

I glared at him. Stupid, secret keeper. I tried to stand up and swayed on my feet. Jacob rushed to my side and grabbed my arm. He walked me back to the living room and eased me into an arm chair. He walked away, returning moments later with a glass of water. "Drink up, prego."

I glared at him, but drank the water anyways. I handed the empty glass to him and he took it, setting it on the coffee table. He perched himself on the edge and the table seemed to buckle slightly from his weight. "So, you left him?"

I nodded. I couldn't talk yet. My mind was working in all sorts different directions. I left Riley…I left the father of Baby…my Baby.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" he asked softly. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I haven't gotten that far. I didn't really plan this you know," I replied.

"Does he know?" he asked softly.

I shook my head. "No one does. You're the only one. I haven't told him, I haven't told my dad. No one."

"Bella, why did you leave? Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled you left that douche. But I don't completely understand. Why now?" he asked.

I watched him warily. I just couldn't tell Jacob, why. I racked my mind trying to come up with an explanation. I didn't even have one for myself. All I knew was I needed to protect Baby. Baby was my everything now. How could explain something I didn't even understand?

"I just knew that I didn't want Baby to grow up in a world like that. Baby deserves better than that."

"Hell yeah, Little Jacob does!"

"I'm not naming him that." I rolled my eyes at him and absent mindedly rubbed the small bump. I knew Jacob was only trying to make me feel better. Jacob pouted at me for a moment before rubbing my hand.

"We'll figure it out, whatever you need; I'll get it for you." I bit my lip and watched his hand trace my fingers. He brought his hand up to my chin and pulled my head up until he found my eyes. His other hand rubbed the spot above my left ring finger knuckle. His eyes became soft and he opened his mouth. I knew what he was going to say.

"Jacob, I…" I stated to say.

"No, Bella hear me out. You know I love you right? More than anything. I would do anything for you. I could be there for you, we could do this together. This could be our baby, yours and mine."

"Jake, no, please…"

"Marry me, Bella. I'll take care of you. I'll keep you safe. You'll never have to worry about that guy again," he explained. My resolve almost broke at the sight of his earnest expression. I knew he meant every word. That he would love me and Baby the way we deserved to be loved. But I also knew I could never love him in that way. It would never be fair to him.

"I can't," I whispered. "I need to figure this out on my own, I need to go somewhere. I need to leave Forks. I need to leave the state."

"Where are you going to go Bells?" he asked confused. I knew how crazy my statements sounded. I was an insane twelve weeks pregnant woman.

"Phoenix, I'm going to Phoenix," I answered. I hadn't even thought about it, until the words came out — it wasn't so hard to imagine though. It was, after all, the city of my youth. My last home, the last place my mother had been well.

"Phoenix?" he stated, his eyes scrunched up.

"Yeah, Phoenix," I stated more firmly. Once I said it, it seemed like a good idea. I was determined.

"And, how exactly are you getting to Phoenix?" he pressed. I could tell he disliked this idea less with every word.

"The life insurance money. I haven't touched it yet. What better thing to spend it on than to ensure the safety of my child."

"Bella, you could be safe here," he pleaded. His eyes beseeched me to see reason.

I shook my head. "No, I won't be. I'm not going to put you or myself or most importantly, Baby's life in danger. And if I stayed that is all I would be getting into."

I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. Now that the decision was made, I felt a sense of ease. Jacob looked up at me, his eyes incredulous.

"So, that's it? You're just going to take off?"

"Yeah, I guess it is," I replied, shrugging. I knew I would miss him, but I knew that leaving was best. I walked to the door and grabbed my coat off the hook. "I'm going to get my stuff and I'll call you from the road."

"You're leaving today?" he shouted. I stopped, my arm halfway through a sleeve.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry Jacob. I know you want me to stay, but this is for the best," I replied softly. I couldn't help but sound sad. "Oh, and Jacob, don't tell anyone. I'll tell my dad when I'm ready." I grabbed my purse and walked out the door and into the sleeting rain.

The sound of my truck dying in front of my little white house was startling. I knew that this would be the worst part—how do you tell your father this? That I was leaving, that I wouldn't see him for years? I hadn't even told him I was pregnant. I knew he would flip out about that. I rubbed a hand over my face and willed myself not to cry. I knew I was making the right choice. I couldn't protect Baby here. I couldn't take care of my father if I had an infant. I was protecting everyone, by leaving. He may not understand but I knew the truth. I climbed down from the truck and with a deep breath walked to the house. I ran up to my room and as fast as I could stuffed everything that would fit into my large suitcase. I grabbed some picture frames off the wall and stuffed them on top. That would have to be all I could hold onto now. I dragged the suitcase down the stairs and set it next to the door. I heard a soft snoring and followed the noise into the kitchen.

My dad was slumped against the kitchen door, a pan next to him. He obviously wanted to make some food. His eyes were closed and he lightly dozed. I sighed and walked to him, tucking my arms under his armpits. I struggled to pull him up off the floor. He stirred and batted at my hands.

"Dad, you need to wake up," I whispered. I shook him until his eyes began to open. He blinked at me and he narrowed his eyes.

"I'm awake damn it. Don't sass me young lady," he slurred.

"Dad, I'm not sassing you. I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving. I can't stay here and take care of you. I have enough shit to take care of. We're moving back down to Phoenix. I hope you will get some help. I'm sorry Dad but I can't do this any longer. She's gone and no amount of liquor will bring her back. Please dad, will you call that woman about the rehab center?" I pleaded. I knew that blaming his drinking would make things easier. How could question that?

"How dare you. You think you're so perfect, miss high and mighty. You think I don't know what you've been up to? I know! Fuck, the whole town knows who you are now. They know all about you," he yelled.

I bit my lip. His words stung me. How true they were. High and mighty I was not. If only the town knew what trouble I had gotten myself in now. It would shake people to the core. I was already the town's favorite fodder for gossip. I glanced out the window, trying to get my bearings. The tree across the street stirred and a flash of copper appeared and disappeared. A bird, flying away. I glanced back down at my dad. He was sitting straighter in the high backed chair. I swallowed my pride and knew I would have to push further.

"First of all, this is modern times, not 1950. I am adult and will do adult things," I retorted.

He grumbled under his stale breath.

I waited for him to reply. To tell me not to go. Anything. I stared him down, my breathing become haggard in my chest. "Well Charlie, I guess this is how we say goodbye then. I'll keep in touch."

I walked to the door and grabbed my suitcase. Without missing a beat I swung the door open and threw my suitcase into the cab of my truck. I let myself give the house one more lingering glance.

"I love you Dad," I whispered as I climbed into the truck. I fired up the truck and pulled out. As I began my journey, tears flooded my eyes. I raced out of Forks. I wasn't going to look back, again.

**Present day**

**EPOV**

"Does your dad know?" I asked her. Next to us the desert began to give way to more and more evergreen trees as we neared Sedona. Ryland was passed out in the back seat of my Volvo as Bella recounted her story. She cried a few times and even laughed when she talked about falling on Jacob. I didn't find it very amusing.

Bella shook her head. "I didn't tell him then. I didn't know how. And then I had Ryland and I was all by myself. I lived off the money my mom had left me for a few months before getting a job as a waitress at this little breakfast place around the corner. Jacob sent me money for a while and I tried to tell him not to but he insisted. I struggled for years until I got the job at the club. I kept telling myself _I'll tell him when I have everything figured out._ _When I don't have anything to be ashamed of_. I keep waiting for that day to come."

"You don't. Ryland is an amazing boy. You've done a great job with him."

She turned in her seat and stared back at Ryland, biting her lip. "When I first had Ryland, I used to sleep with him on my chest—just to make sure he was breathing. I was so afraid that he would get sick or that he would fall down or eat the wrong thing," she murmured, doubtfully. "That first year was so scary for me. I cried all the time and almost went home nearly every week. I even got as far as to pack my bags a few times. But every time that I would stop. I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Is there more to the story? Are you going to tell me why you decided to leave Riley?"

"I've never told anyone that story."

"None of it?" I asked.

She shook her head and glanced at me. Her smile was triumphant. "Edward, I've told you more about me than I've told anyone."

"But you won't tell me why," I stated. I knew she was holding something back. I knew that she was telling me everything. There were whole sentences that lingered between us that never materialized into words.

"What's the point?" she murmured. Staring out the window I saw her mouth words I couldn't understand. She fought to put a smile on her face. "What's important is you know the worst of me and yet you're still here."

"Where else am I going to go? You are my life now, Bella." I stated proudly.

She blushed and looked out the window. She never seemed to be able to figure out, how to react when I talked like that. I knew she was scared, of what we had, of being hurt, of love. Because of that, I had hardly said the words yet. I knew she could only handle so much affection. I knew I was in love with her. How could I not be? If I could have, I would have told her on that first night, when I stayed over. She looked over at me and I knew she was changing the subject. Anything but herself.

"I'll tell you what though. Ryland is the one thing that I have gotten right in this shitty life. I just hope I can do right by him. After all, he is my miracle."

**BPOV**

There were so many things I wanted to tell Edward, so many things that I knew that he should know. But when the words came up I would bite down on them, bitter and chalky in my mouth. As much as I told myself that he would understand, could I risk that? Could I risk losing Edward over my follies? I was so in love with him.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," Edward urged. I stared at the tiny bug splattering the windshield and licked my lips, chalky and bitter was my tale. Omissions and fallacies was all I had to offer him.

**Plastiscines-Runaway **

**If you review you'll get a preview for the next chapter.**


	16. Frozen By Desire

**Sorry it has been so long since I updated. I found out I'm pregnant (after trying for three years) the day after I updated my last chapter.**

**Needless to say, I've been sleeping, drinking banana peach smoothies and reading What to Expect.**

**But I didn't forget you! And so this qwill be a twofer day**

**Oh, and this chapter is the reason it's NC-17. There are lemons.**

**Thank you Shabby Apple for reviewing my chapter so quickly.**

**BlackJackLily—thank you for being my beta! **

**I own a new red pashmina. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_See what I've done  
that bridge is on fire  
Going back to where I've been  
I'm froze by desire  
No need to leave_

**Froze By Desire**

**BPOV**

By the time Ryland woke up, we were pulling into the hotel. Edward said that the trip was going to be a surprise. He had finagled me some time off work. I wasn't sure how and didn't want to ask. All that mattered was I was taking a vacation for the first time since I had Ryland. School was out for the break and I could enjoy some down time. Edward parked the car and I unbuckled Ryland's seat. He rubbed him eyes groggily and held his arms up. I picked him up and carried him against my chest.

"You're getting a little too big for me to carry around now, Buddy," I told him.

"Do you want me to carry him?" Edward offered.

"No, I'm good," I replied, with a shake of my head. Edward balanced all of our luggage easily in one hand. He snaked an arm around my waist and kissed Ryland's head before kissing me softly. He broke away and smiled down at me. Wordlessly he held his arm out and Ryland climbed up to sit on his hip. Edward swung him up and sat him on top of his shoulders. The first time he did that I was freaked out but Edward assured me that it would be impossible for him to drop Ryland. Apparently his reflexes were lightning fast. By now I was used to it.

"Come on; let's go find the rest of the family. They are dying to meet you two."

I opened the door to the suite and was nearly knocked over by a rock hard form with short black hair. She was holding me so tightly I could hardly breathe. "Oh my goodness, Bella! You're finally here. I am so excited for this weekend!" the small woman chirped.

"Uh, hi?" I replied, confused. This was an odd reaction from someone I had never actually met yet. I pulled away and gave her a quick look over. She was tiny, smaller than most people and wore a soft red cashmere dress with tall black boots. Alice Cullen, I couldn't forget a sight like her. Alice pulled me into another hug and squealed in my ear. I looked over her shoulder at the rest of the room. A tall man with blonde waves was standing just behind Alice, an older gentleman with platinum hair and a kind smile had his arm around a beautiful woman with caramel hair and dimples. A gigantic bear of a man with dark curl, was sitting on the edge of the bed, playing a video game. He flashed me a big smile before returning his eyes to the game. Standing in the back with her arms crossed was the most incredible looking woman I had ever seen. She had long flaxen curls and legs that went on for days. She was curvy and had a cold set to her amber eyes. Even annoyed she was beautiful. I watched them as Edward stepped in behind me, still carrying Ryland.

"So Bella, this is my family, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, you probably remember from school," Edward introduced, pointing at each of them. The guys nodded politely and Alice clapped her hands together. Rosalie stared down at her nails before looking over at me with disdain. She was obviously a tough cookie. Edward pointed to the older couple. "And this is my parents, for all intents and purposes. You might remember Carlisle."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, how are you?" I asked, sticking my hand out.

He took it and his topaz eyes crinkled in a smile. "Carlisle, Bella, call me Carlisle. And this is Esme, my wife."

I gave her my hand and she grasped my hand in her frozen fingers. "Bella, I am so happy to finally meet you. I have heard so many things about you."

"I'm happy to meet you, too. All of you," I added softly.

Edward took Ryland down off his shoulders and set him on the floor. Ryland's eyes were big, taking in all the new people in front of us. Esme crouched down in her printed wrap dress. Ryland gazed at her soft face. "You must be Ryland?" she asked quietly.

Rye nodded at her, his hand inside mine. I squeezed it gently and looked down at him. "Rye, this is Edward's family."

Rosalie walked up to me and for a second I was worried about her reaction to me having a child. She was the tough family member, Edward had already told me. He said not to let anything she said bother me; to ignore her if need be. I was prepared for a rude comment or a snide glance. I wasn't prepared for her reaction to Ryland, though. Rosalie stopped in front of me and rolled her eyes at Edward. He chuckled at her. Rosalie bent down to Ryland's level. "Ryland? Is that your name?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice slightly fearful.

"I'm Rosalie. I'm Edward's sister," she said.

"Rosary?" he asked.

She laughed, a soft resonate of a laugh. It was then I realized I hadn't been breathing. I let out a gush of air. Rosalie took Ryland's hand in hers. "You can call me, Auntie Rosie."

"That makes me Uncle Emmett," the big one boomed. He looked over at us and tossed the remote down on the bed. "Nice to meet you, little dude-arino."

Ryland looked over at him with fear in his eyes. Rosalie leaned in to Ryland. "Don't worry, he looks big but really he's as cuddly as a teddy bear."

"I have a teddy bear, her name is Nessie. My uncle Jake got it for me," Ryland spoke up.

Everyone chuckled and slowly Ryland let go of my hand. Edward sidled up to me and kissed my temple. "See, nothing to worry about."

I nodded at him. Jasper and Emmett were showing Ryland their video game and Ryland was pushing buttons on the remote. Already he seemed at ease with the cold pale family. Alice pulled me from Edward and laced her arm through mine. Her hands were cold like the first frost of a season. "Oh, Bella, I am so glad you're here. We are going to be such good friends."

Alice, Rosalie, Esme and I sat in the massaging chairs at the salon. Edward had all but kicked me out of the suite and insisted that he and his brothers would take care of Rye. After a few long minutes of explicit instructions, Alice pulled me out of the room. It wasn't that I didn't trust Edward. He had certainly shown me that he could take care of Ryland. He said he wanted to take responsibility of him. It was as if he was starting to consider Ryland, his. It was a mysterious feeling—on one hand I was relieved to finally have someone who wanted to help me and be a part of Ryland and my life. On the other hand, I was so used to doing everything on my own that the idea of sharing him was frightening. I didn't know which way to feel.

Esme was the one who made the appointments. I knew that as vampires they wouldn't need any spa treatments. But Alice assured me that they could still get their nails painted and sit in the sauna. So that was how I ended up sandwiched between two gorgeous creatures, getting my toes painted a deep red color. For the majority of our time Alice chattered on; telling me about what they had been doing the past few years, the faraway place they had traveled. It was enthralling to hear about their adventures.

"So Bella, Edward is really good with Ryland," Esme said, her eyes sparkling with allusion.

"Yeah, he is. I was surprised how easily they took to each other," I replied wistfully.

"I can't say I'm surprised at all," Alice interjected. She bent down to inspect the coral polish on her toes. "He acts so tough but really he is just a big softie."

"Yeah, I'm getting that impression." I turned on the massaging feature and laid back to let the machine do its work.

"You didn't have any help with Ryland?" Alice asked.

"No, I mean, there was Jacob but he always tried to blur the lines of our relationship. After I had Ryland, Jake came down to help me and he proposed almost every week until I sent him home. I just couldn't do that to him, it's not fair."

"I would think most women be happy with a man who wants to take care of them," Rosalie remarked, her voice bored.

Alice scoffed at her as I bit my lip. I guess even if she loved my son, she would take some time to warm up to me. Esme clucked in disapproval and whispered in a voice to low for me to hear.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and nodded at Esme in defeat. I didn't have to have sonic hearing to understand that exchange.

"I think you're right Bella. The heart knows what it wants. It must not have been easy taking care of Rye by yourself. I would know," Esme added.

"You would? I mean, I didn't know…" I stammered. I had surely put my foot in my mouth.

"Didn't Edward tell you? I had a baby."

"No, he didn't tell me that," I whispered.

"Yes, in 1921. He was a boy— Kenneth Edgar Evenson. He was beautiful; he had my hair and eyes. None of his good for nothing father in him," she mused. I smiled at her; she certainly knew what I was going through. She pursed her lips and fidgeted in her seat. "It was a lung infection that took him, only a few days after he was born. I was so heartbroken. That was when I jumped off the cliff. Carlisle found me, he saved me. But I'll never forget my little Kenny."

"God, that's awful," I replied quietly.

"Yes, it is isn't it? Everything happens for a reason though. If I hadn't been through that, I never would have had the chance to be with Carlisle. He is my everything, even when he is annoying the hell out of me."

"You fight?" I asked.

Rosalie snickered under her breath. Esme shot her a death look and Rosalie straightened her face. "What? You do," she replied, challenging her sweetly.

Esme rolled her eyes and looked back at me. "Of course we do. Every couple fights. Some days I want to throttle his pale little neck over silly things, like when he refused to let me remodel the den in purple."

"Esme, it's their man cave," Alice joked. All three women laughed.

"Esme won that, by the way," Rosalie added. "We always do. They are wrapped so tightly around our fingers, it's crazy."

"Wow, that sounds nice…" I trailed off.

"Edward is too," Esme offered.

I felt as if there was nothing I wouldn't do for Edward. I knew I was the one who was done for, not Edward. I shook my head at her. "No way. We've only been together for a few months."

"Give me a break, girlie. He's been strung on you for years. It was disgusting to watch," Rosalie said. She made a disgusted face and shook her head. "Made me honestly sick to see him all pussy whipped and emo over some _human_."

Even though Edward had told me that he had feelings for me before we got together, it still felt nice to hear it from someone else. Even if it was in the harsh words of Rosalie Hale. I should have been offended but I appreciated her honesty.

We finished with our nails and moved to the sauna. The others threw their robes off and settled down on the tiled seats. I rubbed the tie on my robe and bit my lip. I wasn't normally comfortable with people seeing the scar. It wasn't that I had a bad body; I just didn't look like them—no matter how much I worked out and dieted, I would never have their perfect curves. I turned my back and wrapped a towel the size of a dish cloth around my waist and walked in. The air was thick and sweet with the smell of eucalyptus. I sat down and crossed my legs. Rosalie was spread across the times, with her head in Esme's lap and Alice was leaning against the wall next to them, her eyes closed.

"We know about the scar, Bella," Alice said, her eyes still closed.

"How…what…how could you…" I stammered.

"The cotton. We can smell it, just one of the major perks of our existence. We can also hear it scrap against your skin," Esme offered, her arm over her face.

"Oh," I muttered.

"Bella, I hope you know that all three of us have been through some horrific violence. I don't mean to scare you but you should just know. We'll understand your pain," Alice said, her eyes finally opening. She watched me tentatively.

"Did, Edward tell you?" I asked.

"No, But I saw you tell him the story. I hope you don't mind, but I told the girls." She bit her lip, concerned. I could tell she felt guilty about telling them, but I wasn't upset. Just one less time I would have to recount the story. Something told me there were no secrets in the Cullen Clan.

"I don't mind. So what happened to you?"

"Husband," Esme answered, raising her hand.

"Fiancé," Rosalie said. She opened an eye to peek at me. "I killed him though— off with his head— Royce King, that little Fucker."

"I know the sentiment," I murmured. I looked at Alice.

"I don't actually know what happened with me, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get this way from rainbows and cookies."

I bit my lip. They obviously understood and it would be more comfortable without a towel. Slowly I pulled it off and lay down on the warm white tiles. I stared up at the ceiling until the steam burned my eyes.  
"See, so much better sweetie," Esme chimed.

I smiled at her and nodded. Something told me that they could hear that motion.

"Oh, so I totally broke out that move last night, Rose. You were right, Jazz loved it," Alice interrupted the silence.

"I told you, men love that shit,"" she replied. "Did you try out that toy with Carlisle, yet Ess?"

"Darling, that toy is long gone. We've worn through it, forever ago." Esme stated, a playful smile on her face.

I was a bit shocked. I didn't think I could have this conversation with my mother—as much as I loved her, I would have been too embarrassed.

"What about you, Bella?" Alice asked.

"What about me?" I furrowed my brow.

"Sex? With Edward? How is it?" she clarified.

"Do you want to hear about your brother like that?" I asked.

"Why not? It's not like any of us are actually blood relatives," Esme interjected. She sat up and stretched, with her arms over her head.

"I agree with the human, I don't want to think about the douche and the human, together," Rosalie stated, her tone annoyed.

"You shush, Rosalie Lillian. If we have to hear about the things Emmett likes to do with your back side, you can listen to this," Esme warned. She said it sweetly but there was an underlying sense of authority. She obviously retained the role of the mother. She turned to me and smiled. "Go on dear."

"Well, actually we haven't had sex yet," I replied sheepishly.

"Seriously? How is that possible? You two are so passionate about each other," Alice questioned.

"He's worried that he'll hurt me." I thought his assumption was crazy but he was holding firm to it.

"Hold on a second, he's the one holding back?" Rosalie asked, a wicked grin on her face. She burst into a loud guffaw, a loud sound that didn't match her beautiful face. "Oh ho, I cannot wait to tell Emmett. He will flip out."

"Rose, be nice?" Esme cautioned.

"Mommy Dearest, I am good at a lot of things; blow jobs, fixing expensive European cars, getting my way with men. But nice? Not so much," Rosalie retorted.

"Ignore her, Bella," Alice said, waving her hand to allow me to continue. "You want to?"

"Fuck, yeah!" I shouted. I clapped my hand over my mouth. How did that slip out? They exchanged glances and giggled. The laughter caught on and soon we were all rolling around inside the sauna, laughing our naked asses off.

"Bella, I think I'm starting to like you," Rosalie said, still clutching her side.

"Glad I amuse you there," I retorted, laughter breaking my words up.

Alice waved her hand in air to get our attention. "Okay, so we have to solve this. Bella wants to _do,_ our dear brother."

"More than you can imagine," I offered.

"But he won't, because he thinks he's going to hurt you," she asked, her tone doubtful.

I nodded at her. She screwed up her face in concentration before clapping loudly. "Of course! I'll just show him that it will be okay. All you have to do is be sure of your course."

"Okay, done. I'm going to be boinking your brother tonight."

"Perfect, I'll take Ryland," Rosalie offered. I glanced at her shocked. I knew she like Rye and that she was warming up to me but that was taking it farther than I thought she would. "What? I want a chance to get to know my new nephew. Fuck Emmett."

Alice closed her eyes and held a finger up. Her face went blank and she crinkled her nose. After a long moment she opened her eyes to look at me. "Didn't need to see Edward like that…" I gave her a 'on with it' look and she sighed. "Okay, here's the plan…"

**The XX-Islands**

Reviews get teasers.


	17. In The Mood

**Sorry it has been so long since I updated. I found out I'm pregnant (after trying for three years) the day after I updated my last chapter.**

**Needless to say, I've been sleeping, drinking banana peach smoothies and reading What to Expect.**

**But I didn't forget you! Oh, and this chapter is the reason it's NC-17. There are lemons.**

**BlackJackLily—thank you for being my beta! **

**I own a new red pashmina.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_But I wanna touch,  
And I wanna kiss,  
And if you say no then I will persist,  
With you tonight,  
You'll make it right.  
You know that you're wetting my appetite._

_I'm boiling I want you to see me now._

**In the Mood**

**EPOV**

I walked into the hotel room, yelling a joke at Jasper.

_That coming from a hundred year old virgin_

I chuckled to myself at his internal retort. I turned my head as I closed the door and stopped cold. Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs crossed. Wearing…

What the fuck did she have on…?

She was wearing the most indecent thing I had ever seen. A deep blue with the thinnest lace trim around the bodice, the teddy hugged her every curve and I swear to god—her skin was glowing. On anyone else, it would have looked ordinary, maybe even boring. But on Bella, well she looked anything but simple. I was awestruck, taking in her entire form. Her long, smooth legs bounced to a silent rhythm, causing the swell of her breasts to vibrate with the nonexistent beat. She trailed a hand over her collarbone as she shook her hair off her neck and tilted her head, exposing that sweet hallow beneath her ear. Slowly she smiled at me, a wicked smile, the smile of a seductress.

"Bella, what are you wearing?"

"Do you like it? Esme let me borrow it," she replied as she looked down at the outfit innocently. She sighed and leisurely stretched her arms high, letting the lace sway dangerously near her apex. I clenched my fist and felt the door knob disintegrate in my hand. One more casualty in the war I was fighting against my horn dog inclinations.

"Ugh, yeah. I like it," I replied, coughing to hide my reaction. She wasn't going to get the best of me.

"I thought as much," she said, smirking at me. She pushed off the bed and sauntered towards me, stopping just inches away. She brought her hand up and to laced it through my hair. Leaning up on her tiptoes, she pulled my face to meet with hers. Her lips pressed to mine, pleading slowly, a sirens call. Her kiss was soft and cunning and if it wasn't for the satin night gown, I wouldn't have sensed the wily plan she obviously had. I kissed her back, leery of her motives. I knew she was trying to push me once again—try for something I wanted so badly, yet could not risk.

"Bella, where's Rye?" I asked, hoping to change her focus.

"Rosalie and Emmett are taking him tonight," she replied, rubbing the side of my neck with the pad of her thumb. Her eyes were dark and salacious. I gulped loudly and she smiled at my reaction. "They wanted us to have a night to ourselves."

"That was…uh, nice of them," I mumbled. Stupid sister of mine. Didn't she see how risky this would be? And when did she start getting all friendly and nice. Rosalie didn't even like Bella and now she's babysitting. Babysitting? Rosalie and Emmett taking a break from their intense passion to watch a four year old. What the fuck was going on?

"We have all night together, alone." She pressed a kiss to my neck and I closed my eyes. Her smoldering lips burned against my frigid skin, testing the boundaries of my control.

"Bella, we can't do this." I grabbed her hands and pried them off my neck. I rubbed the top of her wrists and tried to give her my most compassionate grin. Surely she would understand, she had to.

"Why not?" she asked, snapping her wrists from my grasp. It was amazing how quickly she switched from vixen to scorned woman. I would gladly take her annoyed over seductive. She was far too dangerous when she was tempting me. Our relationship felt perilous as it was. She turned and stomped away, sitting on the bed. I followed her and laid down next to her. I lifted my hand up and rubbed the small of her back, carefully watching her reaction. She sighed and looked down at me.

"It's too soon; it's not the right time," I pleaded.

"No time is ever going to be the right time. There will always be something, why not now? We have this hotel room, no child. This time is perfect."

"I don't want to take advantage of you," I answered. She had to see that. I wanted so much more than sex from her. I loved every part of her. I didn't want sex to be the focus of our relationship.

"Me? You don't want to take advantage of me? Edward, I am not a virgin." I winced. I knew that, did she have to bring it up? The thought of another man touching her was enough for me to want to tear apart all the walls in the hotel. She smacked my chest, harder than I thought she was capable of. It didn't hurt, but I knew how much force she put behind it. "I want this."

"You don't know what you're asking," I muttered.

"Oh, and you know what your refusing? Last time I checked, I was the one who has been there—granted it's been years since, but I've been there."

"Bella, you don't really want this. We are so good together without it." I was sure that sex wasn't necessary for a relationship. What we had was so much more than that.

"Yes, yes we are. But believe it or not, Edward, sex is an important part of a relationship." Her face softened and she set her hand on my chest above my silent heart. She gazed down at me. Her mouth opened and closed several times and her face flooded red. I sat up on my elbow to get closer to her. She was embarrassed about something.

"Edward, I want to make love to you. I want you to be the first person I truly share that kind of love with," she whispered, her cheeks red.

He words stilled me. Make love? She wanted me to make love to her? She had sex but had never made love? What was the difference to her? Was she saying she loved me?

"Make love?" I murmured softly.

"Yeah, make love." She pulled away to look me in the eyes. "You know the difference, right?"

I furrowed by brow, wanting to say I did, but I knew that I couldn't agree. There are so many things a man can read about, simple words on paper describing the difference between sex and love, between lust and passion. Before Bella, I had thought I understood these emotions, that I could comprehend their weight. But one touch of her hand had showed me how wrong I was. There was no prose to describe the feeling she gave me, no lilting song or beguiling harmony that could capture what we had.

"Making love, it's opening yourself up, allowing that person to see every part of you. Giving someone else full rein of yourself," she explained.

"You've never had that?" I asked surprised.

She shook her head and looked down, abashed. "Before you, sex was about dominance, about power and control. I couldn't change what happened to my mother, I couldn't control my father's drinking or the way my life was falling apart around me. But when I was with a man, I could control him. I had this power in my hands, I could make him happy or sad. I could give him the ultimate pleasure or cause him pain. I could bring a boy to his knees with sex. Sex was never about love for me. It was about power."

Her eyes were far away as she spoke. Her words were so bold and frightening to me. In so many ways I was more mature than her, I had seen tragedy after tragedy. As much as I wanted to say that I didn't know how she felt, I knew that wasn't the truth. I too knew how to hold something back, hoping to control the world around me. I had spent so many years never allowing people in, simply in fear of their affections.

"That's the thing about love, Edward. To really love someone, you have to give up all your power. You offer yourself to be sacrificed. I used to think that love was something only the weak possessed. Now I know that the scariest thing in the world I could do, is to love you. Because the second I give you my heart, I can't take it back. And you could hurt me far worse that I have ever allowed someone else to."

"Isn't it enough to know that I have offered myself up as well?" I asked softly, trailing a finger down her arm. She closed her eyes to the sensation.

"Yes, for now," she murmured. Her eyes fluttered open and she leaned forward to kiss me, her lips so full and soft against mine. "Don't you see, Edward? I am trying, I really am, to love you. Let me show you. Let me give you that part of me."

"I just don't know, Bella. It could be so dangerous." She needed to know that, she had to. She couldn't really be ready for this. "We need to wait, just give me time. When you're really ready. Once you're older."

"Every day I get older—closer to death. Can't you see that?" she stated. I flinched. _Closer to death…_

"That's how it's supposed to be, Bella. That is how it should be." I needed her to see reason. She couldn't keep pushing me like this. She didn't know—how I could hurt her, how I could even kill her, if I lost control. She thought she knew what she wanted, but she didn't, not really.

"You won't hurt me," she replied, as if she read my mind. Funny, I thought that was my forte.

"You can't know that," I told her with a sneer.

"No, but Alice can. She's seen it," Bella snapped back with a reciprocal grimace.

"Why would Alice be looking for that?" I asked. It made no sense; my sister wouldn't want to see me that way. She hadn't mentioned it or thought about it at all. Alice would only see something like that if it was the course a person was on—if the decision was already…oh.

"You've decided," I stated.

"I have. I know what I want and I want you." She rubbed my arm tenderly in circles and lazy lines that traced up my bicep and back down to my wrist, her fingers blazing a path on my skin. Her eyes beseeched me—_Understand, please understand me. Touch me, touch me please_.

"I could hurt you so easily, look at the door knob," I cried out, flinging a hand to the deformed lump of metal hanging from the door.

"You won't, I trust you, I know you. I…" she whispered. My heart soared. Was she going to say that she loved me? Was it possible? Could she love me the way I loved her? I pressed a kiss to her head. I knew I shouldn't expect that from her. She was still too fragile, too scarred. I would take her love in this way, in kisses. It would have to be enough.

Her brown eyes said so much to me. Said things she wouldn't say out loud, truths that she was afraid of. They said that she trusted me, she wanted me, she loved me. It was in that one look that I become unraveled. All my intentions were gone. All my ideals of being a gentleman, out the door. I couldn't hold back any more. She had completely undone everything that I had spent over a century building up. Every barrier to protect her, to protect me. _Gone, gone, going, gone, everything, gone give a damn_. My inhibitions and fears were in the past. All I had, all I knew, was her.

I brushed her hair aside and fingered her collarbone, the alabaster skin and scarlet blush. Her heart beat quickened and her skin became dewy with sweat and freesia. I tangled my hand through her soft hair— pulling her down to me, the strands slipping through my fingertips. Her lips were strawberry and silk against my mouth and I took her in. I poured everything into that kiss, all my fears—rejections, loneliness, solitude. Years of feeling bereft of all the love around me. The fears of being destitute, wanting for someone, anyone, to make me feel alive. I gave her all my affections, the years of waiting for her and the pain of thinking she would never be mine. I gave her everything I had to show her how she had changed me. How I could never love anyone the way I loved her. She was everything to me and I would do anything for her. I gave into her, all I possessed, all I could offer her.

Her kiss deepened and she pushed her breasts against my chest. I could feel her nipples harden through the thin fabric and I fought back a guttural groan. I ran a hand down her spine and savored her taste as she shivered at my touch. I rested my hand at the base of her spine and pulled her heat closer to me. Her tongue teased my lips and I held her closer. She was soft and warm and all mine. I allowed myself to break down for a moment, relish in the heat of the moment and the fire that burned beneath our every touch. I allowed myself to pretend that it was okay, that it was a good idea for her and me to go further, that I wouldn't hurt her. That she wanted this. I broke from her lips and kissed her cheek, her jaw, that luscious spot beneath her ear that craved my tongue.

She moaned into my ear, a sound of pure sex that I had only dreamed of. I had enough experiences in how a woman sounded in the throes of passion. I had seen enough porn and unfortunately, thanks to my super hearing, was often treated to my families and neighbors riotous sex. I thought I had the idea of how a woman sounds. I was so wrong; nothing prepared me for the sound that Bella made—smoldering and carnal in my ear. If I was to stop existing tomorrow, I would be happy having heard that sound.  
"Bella," I rasped against her neck. "You have to tell me what to do; you have to stop me if I'm hurting you."

She nodded swiftly and I pulled away, taking her face between my hands. I held her there, searching her eyes. I needed her to see reason. "Promise me."

"I promise, Edward," she murmured, stroking my cheek. I rolled over on top of her, supporting my weight on my elbows. I kissed her, harder and deeper than I ever had before. Her fingers tugged my shirt up and in a fluid movement I pulled it off. Her fingers traveled the planes of my chest and scratched against my back. Her lips never leaving mine, carnal kisses that made my cock harden against her fiery center. She ground herself into me, wriggling for that contact. Her hands moved from my back to the front of my pants, popping the button off in one quick motion. She pushed my pants down and I pulled them off. I spread kisses down her neck and over her shoulder. Everywhere that I touched, her skin would flare with a lovely pink from my icy kiss. I cupped her breast and through the thin satin, rubbed my thumb over her pert nipple. She shuddered, pushing herself into me. I grabbed the hem of the nightgown and tugged on it slightly.

"I'm buying Esme a new night gown," I said, my face buried in between her bosom.

"Why?" Bella whispered, her voice breathy. She arched her back and I took her mound into my mouth, my tongue tracing the sensitive peak. She groaned loudly and I smiled to myself.

"Because, I'm going to be ripping this one off of you," I teased. Her eyes widened in shock, before she gave an impish grin.

"Fucking rip it to shreds," she said. We smiled at each other as I brought both my hands up to her valley. Bella's breath came out in short puffs and her heart sounded like a helicopter poised for takeoff. I grasped each side with my hands and pulled, tearing the satin in two. Her breasts were more amazing than I had imagined a handful of soft skin and cerise nipples could be. I took one into my mouth, tasting the vanilla cream and sweat on her skin. She writhed below me and I could smell her arousal, thick and pungent. I dipped a finger into her folds. She was slick and hot on my hand. She thrust into my hand and I chuckled.

"Baby, you are so wet." I slid my fingers in and out.

"It's you, you make me wet," she called out. I couldn't help but smile, I did this to her. I made her wet, I couldn't wait to be inside her.

I kept one hand on her apex, moving with her body as I placed open mouthed kisses down her body, starting at her collarbone, sucking on the tender spot. Slowly I moved down to her ribs, trailing down to her stomach and dipped my tongue into her bellybutton as she moaned in response. I took my hand out of her wet folds and grasped on to her sides, planting kisses lower and lower until I was level with her pink center. I plunged my tongue in to her slit, slowly teasing her. She gasped loudly and my head shot up.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked quickly.

"No, that feels so good," she groaned, her voice lower than I had ever heard it. "Keep going."

I plunged back into her, savoring the sweet taste and licking her swollen clit. She gasped again. I kept going, licking her, teasing her, suckling on her juices. I could feel her body begin to shake.

"Ugh, Edward. I'm gonna….I'm , I'm…." She shuttered around me, her body tensing and throbbing. She arched her back and I watched as her mouth made a little 'o' and then went slack. Her eyes fluttered open and she smile lazily down at me.

"Are you sure you've never done that before?" she asked.

"Yeah, never before," I replied, confused. "Was it okay?"  
"More than okay, that was incredible. I have never, and I mean never, had _that_ experience before," she demurred. She beckoned me with her hand. "Come up here."

I climbed up her body, kissing her salty skin as I went. She pulled my face to her and embraced me, her tongue against my lips. My cock was straining, needing release. She dipped her hand down and felt its length.

"We need to do something about this," she told me, a devilish smile on her face.

"I can, you know…"

"Oh no you don't. I want you inside of me, Edward Cullen. I want to feel your hard cock inside me, fucking me senseless."

If I thought I was hard before, I had corundum attached to me now. I kissed her hard, her lips, her chin, her jaw line. I ground myself into her hip and she wiggled against me in response.

"Edward, you need to wear a condom," she whispered.

I stopped kissing her. "Really?"

"Alice said so. She didn't say why, but I won't bet against her," she replied, shrugging. "I have one in the suitcase."

In a flash I was at the suitcase, grabbed the small foil wrapper and was back at her side. She sat up slowly, disregarding my fervor. She held her hand. "Do you want me to do it?"

"Bella, I know how to put a condom on," I teased. Fifty years of high school taught me a thing or two. Even if it were possible, I don't think I could eat bananas, zucchini, or cucumbers.

"I figured as much but I want to put it on," she retorted, giving me a seductive smile. I handed her the small square and watched in awe as she ripped it open with her teeth.

"Someone is a little excited," I joked.

She grabbed my dick, wrapping a warm hand around the length and running her fist over it. "Looks like I'm not the only one."

I stuttered at her touch and almost came from that initial contact. She unrolled the condom and pushed me back on the bed. I gave her a confused look and she shrugged again. "You were worried about losing control. How about the first time, I'm the one in control."

I couldn't speak, a simple nod was all I could offer her. She threw a leg over me and straddled me, her heat barely touching me as she leaned down and kissed me. I ran a hand down her front and squeezed her breast. She groaned, her eyes fluttering shut at the contact. I pinched her nipple and she moaned again, louder this time. She shimmied down my body, until her wet mound was on top of my dick. Instinctively, I thrust up and she wiggled herself until I was poised at her entranced. She broke our kiss.

"Are you ready?" she whispered. Once again I nodded. Tenuously she lowered herself down on me. She wrapped around me, hot and tight. It was more than I had ever thought possible. In my wildest dreams I never imagined it would feel so warm, so close, so perfect to be inside of Bella. She moved slowly, up and down, setting a rhythm. She rotated her hips in small circles and then in figure eights. I grasped at her hips and ground hers into me, needing more of her, all of her. She leaned forward and I took one of her peaks in my mouth, sucking gently on the tender rose. She gasped and began to move faster against me. She was everywhere, in my mouth, around my cock, in all my senses, assailing me with her scent, her taste, her moans and shudders. I could feel myself getting close, the buildup starting.

"God, Edward, I'm coming! I'm coming!" she cried out, her pussy contracting around me. I gasped and felt my release inside her. We gasped and bucked and came together.

She came down, panting. She fell forward, her face buried in my chest. I listened as her heart began to slow and steady itself. Her breaths evened out and she pulled herself up to kiss me once, twice.

"That was…"I murmured.

"I know," she replied. She rolled off me and wriggled her body until it lay flush with my side. Her fingers danced across my chest and she nuzzled my skin.

"Edward," she whispered, so softly a human wouldn't have heard her.

"Yes, love?"

"I love you," she murmured.

I closed my eyes and thrilled at the words. "As I love you, Bella."

She hugged me to her body as she began to hum, the song washing across my chest.

**Soho Dolls-Stripper**

**Jack Johnson-Gone**

**Reviews get teasers.**


	18. Big Brass Bed

**Sorry it has been so long since I updated. I found out I'm pregnant (after trying for three years) the day after I updated my last chapter.**

**BlackJackLily—thank you for being my beta! **

**I own a bunch of preggie pops.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_

* * *

_

Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile  
Why wait any longer for the world to begin  
You can have your cake and eat it too  
Why wait any longer for the one you love  
When he's standing in front of you

**Big Brass Bed**

**EPOV**

Bella's face had to hurt. I don't think I had ever seen some one smile so much in my life. Her cheeks must have been burning. She woke up with a smile and hours later, it remained on her face. Happiness seemed to radiate from her every pore. Honestly, I felt the same way. I didn't think my life could get any better. I was so sure that sex wasn't important. How wrong I was—last night was the best night of my life, by far.

I drove us to the train depot. I was excited to show Ryland the train. I had left the trip a surprise for them. As we pulled into the parking lot, Bella glanced at me.

"Verde Canyon Railway?" she asked.

"I see a train!" Ryland called out in the back seat.

"You sure do, this is the Santa Express," I told him. I watched his face light up in the rearview mirror. Bella squeezed my hand and looked out the windshield. I thought I saw something, a tear maybe in her eye—she blinked and it was gone.

Next to use the rest of my family pulled up.

Together we all walked to the ticket counter. The attendant straightened up when he saw my name.

_Wow, they all look so young. Must be heirs to a fortune. Renting out entire cars, most people would just take the caboose, but not these Cullens. Bet their bad tippers. Stupid rich people._

He forced a smile at us. "Right this way Mr. Cullen."

I rolled my eyes at him and wrapped my arm around Bella's waist as he led us to out our waiting car.

Alice and Rosalie got settled, slamming fridge doors and rearranging the seats. The attendant— Joshua, his tag said, opened his mouth to protest. I stuck a few hundreds in his hand. "We'll put it back," I whispered, effectively shutting him up.

"Uh, yes, sure Mr. Cullen. Just call us on the phone if you require anything," he replied.

"When can we expect the special guest?"

_All this trouble for one kid? Sheesh._

"In about an hour, Mr. Cullen." He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Great, thank you, Joshua." I clapped him on the back a little harder than necessary. Someone needed to put him in his place.

Ryland climbed up on a seat, craning his head to look out the window. I set my hand on his back and leaned in close. "You want to see the engine?"

Hours later we were traveling through the desert, the remnants of a nightly snowfall clinging to the red rocks. Jasper and Emmett were engaged in a fierce game of pinochle and the girls were huddled together planning a makeover for Bella. Ryland was sleeping on Bella, after replaying his conversation with the Santa Claus. I wasn't sure how he would react to the Santa Claus. It was a relatively new trend. When I was a child, Santa wasn't everywhere like he is now. Sure we had a concept of him, but he wasn't posted at every street corner, store front and billboard. Ryland loved it though. He sat on his lap and told him all the toys he wanted for Christmas. I made a mental note to buy all the toys once we returned to Phoenix.

I sauntered over and sat next to her. She brushed a curl off his forehead. "Edward, thank you so much. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Doing all this—the train, the Santa. All for Ryland. I…"

"I wanted to Bella. You two deserve this. I just want to make you guys happy," I answered. I slipped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to me. She closed her eyes and melted to me.

Ryland fell asleep the minute we began to drive back down to Phoenix. Bella fiddled with the radio, as we chatted about the weekend. The finer points, the torture of Alice shoving her into the entire spring collection of Dior and making her do a runway walk. The way that Rosalie had completed shed her cold façade and was literally rolling around on the floor with Ryland.

Although I knew my family would like meeting Bella and Ryland, I had no idea how much they would love them. At some point on the train, Esme had wrapped her arm around me, hugging me close in a motherly embrace.

_We adore them, Edward. You did good. _

I smiled at her and squeezed her hand in response.

_I was so worried that you would never find love. You always seemed to be caught in the blue devils, such low spirits all the time. Now look at you, finding two people to love. _

"I know," I whispered. Before Bella I had never given all that much thought to love. The whole establishment of women and relationships and a family—while nice for others—seemed like something I didn't need in my life.

Despite the fact that I had lived a long existence as a vampire, it was until I was with Bella that I felt alive, again. Bella and Ryland had brought such an air of vivacity into an otherwise bland world.

"Oh, that reminds me," Bella said, after a comment about Emmett teaching Ryland how to throw a football. "Laurent is throwing a little Christmas Party at the club on Wednesday. Do you want to come with me?"

"What does that have to do with football?" I asked with a smirk.

"I thought maybe Rosalie and Emmett would watch Ryland again. Would that be imposing too much?" she asked sheepishly. She bit her lip and waited for me to answer. She was worrying about burdening my family?

The idea that they wouldn't want to spend time with Ryland was laughable. We so rarely had time with children and I knew how much Rosalie wished she had children of her own. She wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to be Aunt Rosie.

"I can tell you they would love to. I think the biggest problem you're going to have with my family is that fact that you'll never see your son, they'll want to take him so often."

"That is hardly something to complain about." She frowned at the windshield, her thoughts drifting away.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's just…" she huffed loudly. "You know that I love you, right?"

I nodded, a lump forming in my chest. There were no words that could be good after a statement like that.

"I just worry sometimes. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into with me. I know it seems like we're all play dates and bed time stories. But I just have so much shit in my life. I don't want you to feel encumbered by me. You or your family, they have been so good to me and to Ryland. I just don't know how much of it I deserve," she trailed off sheepishly.

Bella fiddled with her nail bed and refused to look up at me. It was agonizing to see Bella question herself the way she was. Couldn't she see herself? See the way she had completely changed me, the way she mothered Ryland and offered him a chance at a good life. How she didn't see her sincerity and her compassion for others.

I leaned over and moved a lock of hair from her eyes. "Hey, I don't want to hear talk like that. I'm with you because I love you. Because I want to be with you. Because I love Ryland and want to be in his life. You think I don't have shit in my life? Every moment I am with you, I am putting you in danger. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

"Hmph, yeah," she mumbled, crossing her arms in front of her. "We'll see how long it takes before I run you off too."

I shook my head at her. I hated it when she got like this, how could I make her see how amazing she was? How many times did I need to tell her that I wasn't going anywhere?

"The only place I am going is to the club's party with you. Will that suffice?"

She peaked out of the corner of her eye, her arms still crossed but a smile pulling at her lips. She raised an eyebrow at me. "Sure, sure, for now."

**

* * *

**

BPOV

Gold and red streamers wove through the tiny air, suspended by scotch tape and yellow thumb tacks. The lights were on brighter than I was used to and the stage was empty for the time being. I knew that it was inevitable that someone would get up there and take their clothes off. For a group that regularly shed their clothes it was the equivalent to beer pong in a frat house.

Edward, of course looked so dashing in his dark suit and for the first time since we started dating I felt like I might look respectable next to him. Alice had fussed and primped and pulled and tugged until I left their villa, wearing a dress that cost more than two months rent and a purse small enough to only carry a lip gloss. _Don't worry Bella, why would you have to pay for anything? That's what Edwards for. _Alice had reminded me.

Right.

I had to admit, Alice did a great job. I had never felt prettier. I could tell everyone was impressed when we walked in. Not only was I dressed to kill, but I had Edward with me.

"Girl, you didn't tell me you were bringing him tonight," Delia scolded. She pointed down at her simple red shift in disgrace. "I would have dressed a little better. I thought it was just going to be the usual bundle of scoundrels we always see."

"Why, Dee? Are you planning to steal my boyfriend?" I teased.

"No, but had I known you were bring someone who looked like that I just would have wanted to look better. Does he have any brothers?"

"Two, both very good looking, both rich and smart and both very married to amazing women who make us look like dog food." I imagined Delia flirting with Emmett in front of Rosalie. The carnage would be never ending. I chuckled to myself.

"Shit, isn't that always how it is," she mumbled. "Bella, I just can't believe how much you lucked out."

I glanced over at Edward across the room. He was chatting with Avi, the bartender—probably about the only thing Avi cared about, Rush. Edward caught me looking and gave me a quick wink. I smiled to myself, I couldn't help it. "I know how lucky I am, Dee."

"No, Bella. Like _seriously_ lucky. Do you know what the chances of girls like us finding a guy who isn't a complete jack ass. Every man I have dated the past couple years has been a drunk or a commitment phobe or in my case, married but still able to knock me up."

I squeezed her arm gently—Eden's father lived in Tucson, had a three and half perfect children in a catholic school and had a wife with frosted blond hair who drove a Porsche Cayenne to society luncheons. Delia received a small stipend for keeping their illegitimate child a secret, an amount that didn't even start to pay for all the bills of a single mother.

The last of my vodka cranberry sloshed in my tumbler. I offered a hand out to Delia's drink. "Don't I know it; I keep waiting to fuck this up."

Delia watched me with a furrowed brow. "Are you sure you need another drink sweetie? You seem kind of glum."

I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at her. "None of us are in any position to question each other's life choices whether it be our choice of male companionship or how many drinks we have at a Christmas party."

"I'm just…"

I put my hand up to silence her. "I know what you're saying Dee." I glanced at Edward, perfect, handsome, smiling, sweet and sexy, Edward. I cast my eyes down as I took her glass. "I know what you're saying, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to make the same thee same mistakes I always do, in the end."

I drank the last of my vodka cranberry and walked to the bar to make a new one. I tipped the grey goose over my glass and watched as a drop fell. Cursing softly, I ducked down below the counter, rummaging to find another bottle.

"Can you believe that guy, Bella brought?"

"I know! So fucking good looking."

I peeked over the bar to see two of least favorite dancers, Melissa and Corey. Both of them were high school drop outs and had three kids a piece. You would think that they would be a little friendlier considering their circumstances. Unfortunately they were rude, smug women who liked to boss the waiting staff around. Despite the fact that I didn't make nearly as much money as them, I still didn't take my clothes off on a regular basis. I figured that should make us about even.

"I don't know he see's in Bella. She is just so…"

"Boring?" Melissa finished with a snicker. I sunk into the back of the bar and took a swig of the Grey Goose straight from the bottle.

"I bet she's like a dead fish in bed. There are so many things I would do to a man like that," Corey said with a sigh.

"No kidding, She's such a prude, She wouldn't even know what to do to make him moan."

"It's so unfair. Girls like us don't get guys like that. I mean she's has a fucking kid like the rest of us. What makes her so special to get him? Edward is, like insanely too good to believe."

_Too good for me_, I thought. Like I didn't know it. I had known from the beginning of our relationship that he was vastly superior to me in every way possible.

I took another swig of the vodka, the familiar burn in my throat. I closed my eyes and listened to their footsteps fall away. What was I doing here with Edward? They were right. I didn't deserve someone like him. Handsome and intelligent, charismatic and sexy. He was perfect and I was just another drunk girl in a hand me down dress. I was the same girl I was in Forks. An utter calamity trying to prove a point.

I had hurt so many people, my mother, my father, Jacob. My choices had put both my life and Ryland's in jeopardy. How could someone who caused so much hurt, be good enough for Edward? How could I believe him when he said he loved me? I extended my arm to look at the bottle. I narrowed my eyes at the lack of vodka.

"Uh, oh," I mumbled to myself. I hadn't drank like this in a real long time, certainly not in front of…

"What are you doing down there?" Edward asked. I craned my neck up to see him peeking over the counter top.

"I ran out of vodka," I explained, holding up the half empty fifth. "I had to get a new one."

Edward's eyebrows furrowed as he looked assessed the bottle. "Did you drink all that?"

"Just a little. It's no biggie." I leaned forward to stand and teetered on my heels. Edward was at my side instantly, helping me up. I tried to slap his hand away. "I'm fine Edward, I used to drink like this all the time."

"When? In high school?"

"No," I snapped, giving him drunken sneer. I thought about his words and realized he was right. "Well, yeah. But I used to drink like this all the time before I had Ryland."

"Almost five years ago," he reminded me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and started walking me to the door.

"Where are we going?" I whined, locking eyes with Melissa and Corey snickering at me. Stupid bitches, I hoped they fell into a termite hole in whatever trailer park they lived it.

"The hotel. Considering your body weight and how much vodka you drank I want you to be near Carlisle."

"Edward, didn't your mother teach you never to talk about a woman's weight? That is not good manners, Mr. Cullen." Edward leaned me against the side of the Volvo and fished in his pocket for the keys.

"Didn't your parents ever teach you that moderation is important. Being a sloppy drunk isn't good manner either."

"Pa-shaw. I am A-O…Oh…" I leaned forward to vomit. He jumped back just in time to completely miss my sick. He grabbed my hair and held it back, allowing me to throw up on the ground.

Edward rubbed my back, not saying a word as I heaved my stomach contents, my hands on my knees. I pulled myself up, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of Alice's dress.

He opened the door of the car and helped me in. Sitting next to me he buckled my seatbelt and started the car.

"Oh, shit. Alice's dress. I got it all dirty and smelly." I began to cry, sobs racking my chest. "I messed up, Edward. I messed up."

He brushed a strand of hair out of my mouth and smiled. "It's okay, love. You're only human."

"Exactly, I'm just human. Just a stupid, boring, fish in bed, human." I started crying even harder, mascara ran down my face.

"What? Where did you get that idea?" He asked, completely taking his eyes off Grand Avenue.

"I just know it. I know what I am Edward, I am shit show. I mean, look at me! I'm a drunk ass who just threw up all over herself. And you are this super cool, awesome guy."

"Did you get your thesaurus out for that one?" he teased.

I slapped his chest as hard as I could, knowing it wouldn't even be felt. His chest was hard as stone and my hand throbbed from the impact. "Ow, fuck, that hurt."

He pursed his lips, fighting back a smile. "Probably not a good idea to hit me. I am a little tougher than your average person."

I rubbed my hand, cradling it to my chest. "Yeah, No shit Sherlock."

He parked the car and I waited for him to open the door for me, pouting to my lap about my hand.

Edward opened the hotel room door, and pointed out the bathroom where I threw up the remainder of that week's meals. Esme and Carlisle stood in the doorway while Edward bent down next to me.

"Well, she's certainly bung her eye," Carlisle joked.

"I didn't do anything with my eye," I retorted between heaves.

Edward rubbed my back with a chuckle. "He means you're really drunk."

"Oh, maybe just a little," I conceded. "Isn't that what human's do? Because that's all I am!"

I sat back with a plop and tried to kick my boots off. Edward leaned over and slowly took them off.

"Stop helping me Edward, it's only making this harder for me."

"What? Getting undressed?" he joked.

Esme handed him a silk nightgown for me to wear and Edward's parent walked out of the room with a mention of taking a midnight hike.

Edward unzipped the dress and helped me out of it as I protested softly.

"Why are you being so difficult right now?" he asked, once I was in respectable pajamas.

"Don't act like you didn't hear what those women said. Don't act like you don't know what everyone is going to say about us. You are too good for me. Our relationship is going to be this total unfair scale. You have all these great qualities and I just, suck."

He walked me to the bed and I lay down under the covers, looking up at him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Is that what this about? That's why you disappeared behind a bar with a bottle of vodka? Because of some avaricious women?"

"They made some good points," I offered weakly. "And I don't know what avaricious is right now either, but they were right, nevertheless…"

"You have no idea how wrong you are, Bella. _Radix malorum est cupiditas._"

I pulled a pillow over my head and squeezed it in frustration. "Seriously! You even comfort me in a different language. I don't even know what you're saying. You are not helping me at all."

"_The root of evils is desire._ They're just only heard what they were saying, you have no idea what they were thinking."

"Well then, enlighten me. Because I don't see how what they were thinking would make me feel any better."

He ran his hand through my hair, smoothing it down. "They were thinking, _I wish I could be more like Bella. She's always so smart; she doesn't have to strip to get money. She's a better mom and she has a chance to get out of this lifestyle that I'll never have_."

"Hmph," I mumbled. He laid down next to me, his hand on my hip and his head inches from mine.

"Bella, I promise you; I love you, only you and you are everything I could ever want in the world. _noster nostril_**. **You are my life now."

"You're lying," I mumbled, my voice thick with inebriation and sleep.

"I wouldn't lie to you Bella."

I closed my eyes to sleep, trying to enjoy his thumb drawing circles on my hip, but all I could think about was how I had been lying to him. He just didn't know it yet.

**

* * *

**

Bob Dylan-Lay Lady Lay

**Radix malorum est cupiditas-the root of evil is desire**

**noster nostril- Our Ours, basically our hearts beat as one.**

**Reviews get teasers.**


	19. Just one Kiss

_You'll risk all this for just a kiss  
I promise I will not resist  
Promise you won't hold me down  
And when we reach a good place  
Let's be sure to leave no trace  
Promise they won't track us down_

**Just One Kiss**

**BPOV**

There are many things I can do well. I can bake a mean German chocolate cake, I can balance ten beers on a tray with one hand, I can name all the presidents in order. But I cannot deal with a hangover.

The sun was far too bright, even through the thick clouds. Everything was too bright; the flickering light bulb on the bedside table and the white and cream lined wallpaper. I sat up slowly in bed to take stack of my surroundings. I vaguely remembered last night, the party, grey goose and yelling at Edward in between vomiting spells. Fuck.

Edward strolled out of the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing just a pair of jeans. He was too bright for me too.

"Hey, Love. You're up. I was going to wake you soon."

I rubbed my head, wincing at the pounding that was going on inside my skull. "What time is it?"

"12:30."

I threw my legs over the side of the bed, standing suddenly. A wave of vertigo hit me and I swayed on my feet. I brought my hand up to my head and prayed the room would stop tilting beneath me.

"Ugh, shit," I moaned.

"It's okay, Bella. Jasper and Alice have Ryland down in the restaurant. He is eating his weight in bacon as we speak." He handed me jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt. "Here, put this on and we'll go down to meet up with them."

I pulled the nightgown off and sat on the edge of the bed to put the shirt on. Edward was fiddling with the remote, flipping through channels on the TV.

I felt my face get hot. I knew I would have to explain myself. It was only a matter of time before my feelings came out. I just wished they hadn't come out along with a stomach full of rigatoni.

"So, about last night…"

Edward looked back and smiled at me. "You don't need to explain, Love. You had a lot to drink. Humans often say things they don't mean when they're drinking."

I opened my mouth to correct him and then shut it. What was the point of it all? He would always be so much better than me. There would always be an irrevocable discrepancy between us. Talking about it wouldn't make it better, but it could make it worst. Sometimes words that are unsaid are preferable to the weight of their consequences. I knew that better than anyone.

I pulled the pants up and slid my feet into ballet flats that had magically appeared by the bed side in my exact size.

"Right, I'm just glad you're not mad."

"Mad at my Bella? Never," he replied, pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the present. I tried my best to focus on the fact that I was happy right now, that I loved him with everything I had and I hoped that would be enough to see us through the shamble of my life. I tried not to think about it very often. It only hurt me. I knew I was playing a precarious game right now, that when I messed things up, I would right back to where I started. Yet I couldn't bring myself to stop the ensuing pain. I was only putting it off.

I hiccupped loudly and pulled away. "I need to, uh, brush my teeth before we leave…"

Edward smirked at me and nodded his head. "I can wait out here. Take your time, darling."

Berating myself, I sulked into the bathroom to make myself somewhat presentable. Like it even mattered.

I felt much better after lunch. Ryland and Alice made an intricate drawing of a hippopotamus, and Alice taught him a song to go along with it. Ryland had quickly become taken with the entire Cullen clan, and I couldn't help but smile at the fact that right now things were working out for the two of us.

We got up from the table, each grasping one of Ryland's hands. He walked between us down to the waiting Volvo. We were almost out of earshot when Edward turned around.

"I'll take care of it later, Alice."

I looked back to see Alice, hands on her hips and a stern look across her face. "Wait just a minute, Bella Swan…What happened to my Stella McCartney?"

Add that to one more thing I had to be embarrassed about.

**EPOV**

The midday sky was thick with clouds as we got to the 101 loop. It was a blessing as most days I couldn't venture outside until nightfall. Staying in Phoenix with Bella held a heavy price; I needed to get us out of there. I knew she was done with school and that she only had a few more core classes before she could apply to law school. The timing was right.

Most importantly I need to show Bella how serious I was about her and Ryland. All my words seemed to be in vain and no matter how many times I told her how much I loved her, how her and Ryland were my life, she still was reserved. I was trying so hard to break down these barriers, but she just kept slapping them up, haphazardly.

I had no doubts about my feelings for her; I wanted to marry her. I wanted to be Ryland's father and I wanted us to be a family. I wasn't going to leave unless she sent me away. I just needed to prove that to her.

"So, I was wondering about when the lease runs out on your apartment?" I asked casually.

She made an annoyed face as she pondered my question. "I actually have to renew it next week. They're raising my rent by two hundred dollars too, can you believe that?" she huffed, waving her hands in the air in frustration. Just the entrance I needed.

I kept the smile off my face. This was working out perfectly. "Really, that's too bad."

"No, it totally sucks. I would move, but that's such a hassle, and I don't know any other place that wouldn't be just as expensive." She glared out the window at the low lining mountains.

"I was thinking…if your lease is up and you're done with school…" I started saying, peeking over at her. She was watching me carefully. "Maybe we could live together."

"Really? Are you asking me to move in with you?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I teased.

"Oh, well…yeah. I would like that. It make sense, financially I mean, it's far cheaper to share bills…"

"I don't want us to live together to save on the power bill, Bella. I want us to move in together because we love each other." I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Because I love you."

"I love you too," she murmured, staring into my eyes. I knew she was telling the truth. Bella was hiding something for sure, but I didn't doubt her love for me.

She leaned over and kissed me quickly before settling her head on my chest. I patted her hand and kissed the top of her head, chuckling at her. "There's just one thing…"

She pulled her face from my neck away to study me. "Yeah?"

"We can't live here," I stated. I held my breath, waiting on her reaction.

She pulled her arms off me and sat back in her seat. "Oh." She narrowed her eyes at the windshield, as if it was holding some ancient secret. "Why not?"

"I can't have a life here; I can't go out in the sun. You are done with school, the lease is up, and not to mention that job of yours…"

"What's the matter with my job?" she asked indignant.

"Nothing! I just was thinking—if we lived together, you wouldn't have to work," I offered.

"Edward, I have to work. I don't want you paying my way. I'm a big girl you know," she retorted.

"I know, I was just thinking you would want to focus on law school. I bet you'll get accepted somewhere really great. Not too many people are able to finish their bachelor's degree so quickly. I'll follow you to school and I can help take care of Ryland. Phoenix just isn't where we should be."

She bit her lip, considering my speech. I could tell she was starting to agree with me when her face softened. "Okay, we'll leave. I can start boxing up my stuff tonight. Where would we go though?"

"I have a great little house in Chicago…why don't we start there? Or we could go back to Forks." We pulled into her parking lot and I set the brake.

"Chicago or Forks…," she said slowly, "I haven't seen or talked to my dad in a really long time…"

"Then let's go back to Forks. Ryland can finally meet his grandpa, and I can meet Chief Swan."

She turned around and unbuckled Ryland, who at some point of our conversation had woken up. "Did you hear that, Ryland? You, Edward, and I are going to be going away…real soon."

He smiled at me. "Are we going to Disneyland?" he asked, his eyes excited.

"Maybe someday, buddy," I answered. I got out and grabbed their bags out of the trunk. They followed me up the stairs where Ryland hurried through the doorway and turned on the TV. Bella set the bags next to the door and turned to me.

"I'll see you at five?" she asked, leaning against the door frame.

"I'll see you as soon as the sun sets. I just have a few errands to run first." I gave her my best crooked grin and chuckled when I heard her heart stutter. I pulled her close to me and inhaled the freesia and cream scent that was all Bella.

"Say bye to Edward, Ryland Jacob," she called out.

"Bye, Edward," he replied, his voice distracted.

"Bye, Rye!" I yelled over her shoulder.

I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes, leaning into the miracle of her skin. "I love you, Bella Marie."

"And I love you, Edward Anthony," she whispered. I cupped her chin and pulled her to me, kissing her tenderly. I would love this woman until I no longer existed.

**BPOV**

Edwards kiss lingered on my lips, icy and sugar sweet. I remained leaning against the door, my fingers on my collarbone. The things that man did to me—the most tender and chaste kisses made my imagination float to the little hotel room.

In my entire life I had never had such a perfect experience. It was wonderful to meet his family, knowing that they accepted us and would be there to support Edward through our relationship. And the way they were with Ryland? I knew they were as absolutely smitten with him as he was with the lot of them. How could he not be? They doted on him as if he was the only little boy on the face of the earth. I was so surprised about the train. That Edward would go through so much trouble just to find something that interested Ryland. Honestly I thought Rye's heart was going to burst with excitement when we got to the depot. I couldn't get over how thoughtful it was of Edward. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The sex of course, being the best part. Never in my life had I thought I could experience pleasure like that. The passion and the lust behind every cursory glance made me feel as if I was going to scorch out. His touch, his kisses—they were a panacea for the pain I never knew I felt. Being with him had me for the first time feeling as if my life was complete. I had the sense that I could allow myself to truly be happy. It was a strange emotion to have.

To think I was going to be living with him. I had thought about it, of course— what kind of dreamer would I be if I didn't? It was an idea I had from the beginning. After Riley and all that mess, I hadn't really entertained the idea of being serious with a man. Suddenly, with Edward I was thinking about living together, of weddings and a family. Of days filled with the three of us and the nights full of passion. Edward certainly knew how to change my outlook on things. I didn't have to think that hard to know I would follow Edward wherever he wanted to go. I knew he was right about Phoenix. I had nothing holding me here anymore. He and Ryland had become my center. I would do whatever it took to make them happy. High from his invitation, I had promptly forgot about my doubt earlier that morning. I had to just brush it off as a hung-over girl's lament.

Singing to myself, I threw my shoes into the hallway closet and set out to pick up the apartment. Edward hadn't left me much time to clean before we had to leave. I loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the counters, then I set out to make the beds. I pulled Ryland's sheets off and threw them into the basket with mine. The pile of laundry I had was abhorrent. I balanced the basket on my hip and walked past the living room.

Ryland was jumping on the couch, the TV blaring with the iCarly theme song. I turned the volume down and turned to him. "Too loud there, buddy."

"But, Mommy!" he whined.

"And get your feet on the floor. You know that you're not allowed to jump on the couch," I reminded him, pointing to his dirty sneakers leaving streaks of red dust on the fabric.

He frowned at me and jumped down on his bottom. Red dirt flew up around him in a small cloud. How a small child could have been holding so much dirt was a mystery to me. I opened the washer door and pushed the sheets into the machine, measuring out the exact amount of the allergen free detergent. I pressed all the buttons and the washer switched on, water pouring in. I turned to Ryland, watching me with a wily smile.

"Can we go to the park? I want to go play," he asked. He batted his big brown eyes at me and his little lip jutted out. He had me so played. I folded my arms at him, letting him wonder for a moment. I did need to go to the grocery store…might as well make a quick pit stop before. Edward wouldn't be back until night fall so I had over four hours to kill.

"Sure, but only if you'll be good at the store. No candy, no cereal, and NO toys. Capisce?"

"Cat-eesh, Mommy." He gave me a wide grin, which was so reminiscent of my mother. Most days it made me a little sad to see, but today I reveled in it. For the first time since her death, I felt as if she would have been proud of me.

"Go get your coat," I ordered. He scurried off the couch and I followed him to the door.

I let Ryland stand between my body and the cart, holding on to the handle. He smiled at all the other customers as we walked down the aisle. I threw in the necessities—milk, cheese, bread, chicken; nothing exciting for us. Having a picky eater for a son really limited my culinary skills. I was standing in the soup aisle, looking for my favorite tomato and basil soup, while Rye told me exactly how the train engines worked.

"And then…Edward showed me the engine. He said it's a degal…"

"Diesel," I corrected.

"Yeah, and it goes fast and it's like Woooo Woooooo."

I nodded at him, scanning the shelves. Where was that soup? I pushed some cans aside and then stood back, my hands on my hips. Was I totally blind?

"Looking for Amy's?" a voice asked behind me.

I turned around and a small woman with long black hair and piercing green eyes smiled at me. In her cart was a small girl, about three years old, struggling to get away.

I sighed in relief. "Yeah, did they move it?"

"No, they don't carry it anymore. Said it wasn't a big seller. I guess you can get it at Traders Joe's," she offered.

"Dang, I was really looking forward to having that tonight," I mumbled.

"I know the feeling, it's the best. I suppose you and I are the only ones who ate it though," she chuckled. She turned to her daughter, pushing her back on her bottom and tightening the buckle. "I'm McKenna and this little MacGyver is Jillian."

"I'm Bella and this is Ryland."

"So, Bella, this may sound weird, but you look so familiar. Do you go to My Gym?" she asked, wrinkling her brow. "I remember people and I'm sure I've met you before."

"I don't go to My Gym, but you look really familiar too," I replied. I pursed my lips and tried to place her. I looked from her to the dark haired child, who had by then unfastened her buckle and was attempting to stand up. Jillian, why did that sound so familiar?

"Wait, do you go to Sun Ray Park?" I asked, finally being able to place them. With James of all people. Funny, this woman didn't look like she could be his sister. Maybe he was her brother-in-law.

"Yeah, I live just down from it. I must have seen you there." She smiled at me, calmed by the recognition.

"Yeah, I met your brother, James, a while back when he was watching her," I explained.

McKenna's eyebrows furrowed and she gave me funny look. "I don't have a brother. I don't know anyone named James. You must have me confused with someone else," she stated.

I stared at her, dumbfounded. I knew that this little girl was the one James pointed out. They even had the same name, what are the chances? Unless…awareness shocked me as I put the pieces together. James was never there with the girl; he didn't have children and he made it all up. But why?

"Bella, you okay?" she asked, her face soft with concern. This woman probably thought I was crazy.

"Uh, yeah. I'm just distracted. It was nice to meet you, McKenna. Thanks for the tip about the soup. I'm sure I'll see you at the park sometime." I grabbed Ryland and hustled up to the check out. I needed to be outside. I just knew something was wrong.

**Sia-Day too Soon**

**I had a baby recently. As it turns out taking care of an infant gets in the way of updating fan fiction stories. (Good thing he is so cute.) I should be on track from now on. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	20. Running From Lions

_Get me out of this place, before I cause more damage,  
a small price to pay for building houses out of matchsticks;  
and when things get too hot, you've got me to blame for,  
every fire that breaks out in every lover's name_

**Running from Lions**

**BPOV**

I had a bad feeling. Something was nagging on my conscience. All my lies and broken promises were loud in the car as I drove down the highway. My mind was far away from Edward and away from any dream I had to create a new life. I knew the truth and I knew I was just as culpable as anyone. Edward may never know the truth, but I sure as shit did.

**February 2005**

As I placed my truck into park, I realized that I didn't remember any part of my drive down to Hoquiam. I had driven over a hundred miles, one handed, in a confused stupor. It was happening more and more often lately. I would begin to do something and then the truth would come crashing through me. Pregnant, pregnant, miracle of life, life. What life did I have to offer? It had been over a month since that day with Jacob. Four long weeks, since I found out I was pregnant. I had so many opportunities to tell Riley and yet the words wouldn't come. Sitting across from him on the couch as he watched the Seahawks on TV; I'd stare over the top of my book and open my mouth to blurt it out and the words would freeze in my mouth, an icy truth that burnt my tongue. I would practice in front of the mirror. '_Riley, I'm pregnant_' I'd mime with a large smile. '_Isn't that fantastic?_'

Every time my face would fall. Even when I was the only one hearing the words I had a sense that it would not be fantastic. How else could he react? We were kids—stupid, reckless and mercurial—that didn't know the first thing about raising a child.

I honestly didn't even know Riley. He drank a lot, smoked pot everyday when he woke up—his three foot bong '_little_ _Mary_' sitting in its distinguished place to the left of his night stand. He ate Easy Mac almost every day for lunch and wore only sandals, even in the winter. I didn't know his family, I didn't know more than the fact that his mom had ran off when he was kid. "She was a heinous bitch who ruined my life, Bella." His eyes clouded over and he sneered at me. "That's all you need to know."

Case closed.

I was almost twelve weeks by now— I knew I had limited my choices and yet I still couldn't bring myself to face the truth. My belly was still flat. It wouldn't be noticeable until I was a little farther along. I just wore a rubber band around my tightest jeans shirts and complained about eating too much. I wanted to tell Riley but no time seemed right.

Hell, the time wasn't right to have a baby. I still lived at home with my alcoholic father; I barely finished high school because of my extensive partying. I drank and used drugs all the time. Riley and I were so young. How would he react to the news? We hadn't even talked about having children yet. Now it was decided for us. I squinted at his beat up car parked across the lot. We didn't even have a reliable vehicle. We didn't have a decent place to live. Neither one of us had a job; unless you counted Riley selling pot sometimes. What kind of parents would we hope to be? A mother at nineteen? Just like my mother. I chuckled at the irony. What are the chances that after all this time I was destined to repeat my mother's life? Marry a man I hardly knew. Have a baby before I could even legally drink. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breath. I could do this. I could be a mother. My mom was young but I'm sure things would have been different if she had just stayed with Charlie. I bet everything would have different. Riley and I could figure it out. We'd stop using, stop drinking. We could find a place in between Forks and Hoquiam. Maybe Charlie would finally go to that treatment facility, I looked up for him. We could make a family. I could picture it. We would have a small home with yellow curtains and a flower bed in the front. A small swing set in the back yard where we could push our son or daughter. A minivan in the driveway. Riley could take some courses at the community college or maybe get a job working in construction. I would look for a job, maybe a waitress? I could picture myself in an apron taking peoples orders. It wasn't so farfetched. We could build a life for our child. A happy life, a life full of love, a safe life…

"Aaah!" I screamed as a loud knock on the window startled me. Riley stood outside my truck door, his arms crossed in front of him. I opened the door. "Sorry, baby, you scared me."

"What are you doing out here? We already got a table inside. We've all been waiting on you," Riley scolded.

"Sorry, I was just distracted. It's been a long day." I ran a hand over my face and winced when I touched the fresh bruise on my forehead.

"I'm sorry about last night. I need to watch myself when I'm drinking. I feel bad you got in the way."

"Yeah, in the way. I guess I need to be more careful." I didn't mean to, but my voice had a hard edge to it. This time it was a fight he was in with some guy from Montesano. I tried to push him away, to get him out of the fight and ended up getting hit…again.

"You know that's what happened, right? Christ, Bella, why would I try to hurt you?" he murmured. He leaned into the cab of the truck. I met him and he kissed me roughly. His lips were chapped and rubbed my cut lip. I winced and he pulled away. He ran his finger over the slice. "You know I would never hurt you, right? I just love you too much."

"I love you too, Riley."

He kissed me again, this time softer. "You really should put something on that. I don't want people getting the wrong idea."

I nodded in agreement and dug through my purse to fish out the concealer. I patted it on my dull mark on my face. I swiped some red lipstick on. It was the best I could do for now. My old wounds were fading to a greenish gray. I threw my keys into my purse and climbed down from the truck. I apologized repeatedly as we walked into the restaurant. Riley led me across the crowded floor to the table. An older gentleman with Riley's downy hair and sparkling green eyes stood up as we approached.

"Ah, finally, I get to meet Bella!" He stuck out his nicotine stained hand and I shook it. He flashed me a smile and I noted all the wrinkles on his face. Riley said he was forty five but he looked like he was easily pushing fifty five. He squeezed my hand earnestly. "I'm John Natrall. Riley here has told me so much about you."

"You too, Mr. Natrall. I'm glad to finally meet you."

"Sit, sit. Don't just stand there darling," he said as he motioned to the seat next to him. I sat down with a small smile. "We're just waiting on Riley's no good brother. He's always running late."

I shot Riley a look. "And here I am thinking I was the late one, the one that was keeping everyone."

Riley glared at me. "Well, what exactly were you going to do in your truck, huh? You were keeping us."

I sighed heavily before looking over the menu. I ordered a strawberry lemonade and studied the menu while they chatted about fishing. At least John and Charlie would get along. I could already picture them taking trips together to go fishing. It would be a good way for Riley to bond with him, too. Whenever Charlie decided to get his shit together, that is. I bit my lip and looked over the edge of the menu to glance at Riley. Was he going to tell his Dad, that we were engaged? We agreed that he would do it soon. Riley smiled at me, before looking over my shoulder at the door.

"Ah, there's my bro. Yo, A-dog, over here!" Riley shouted, waving his hands in the air. I turned my body to look at his brother and my breath caught in my chest. He sauntered over; his dirty blonde hair had grown out into a floppy style that swooped over his eyes. He waved at the table and the realization sunk in . I was paralyzed in fear as his green eyes slid from Riley to me. His smile faltered when he saw me. I turned quickly in my chair and set my hands in my lap. I could hear his footsteps as he approached. I could smell the cigarettes and leather. He slid into the seat next to Riley. I couldn't betray myself enough to look up at him. I was frozen in anxiety. Riley said something and I stared down at my hand, watched my good fist knead together. Knot itself into putty.

"Bella, Bella!" Riley shouted.

My head shot up and I looked at him. "What?"

"I _said_, Bella, this is my brother, Alec," he answered. I finally looked into his face. Instantly I knew he was the same man. "Alec, this is Bella Swan. My fiancée."

Alec watched me, his smile gentle but his eyes were wary. He put his hand out and I stared at it for a moment before slowly extending my hand. His palm was hot and sweaty and he pumped my hand twice before releasing me. I couldn't stop the memories hitting me in the chest.

The fire of whiskey going down my throat as he looked on.

His heavy arm around me, goading me into the plastic chair with a shove.

I could picture him sliding the knife down the front of me, "_Are you as pretty underneath all these clothes_?"

The crest of my fall as my arm snapped under the pressure and the vivid blood staining the bricks as I ran down the alley.

"_If I see you again, you're dead…"_

The head lights shuddering to a stop in front of me.

"…_You're dead."_

I set my hand over my wrist brace, fingering the scar that mangled my stomach. It felt warm under my shaky hand. I focused on the tablecloth, refusing to look up unless I had to. At some point I ordered my food. They talked around me and I continued to fixate on the table. Their small talk couldn't wash away the presence of my attacker. The man who had hurt me so badly, the man who made me the way I was. The man who in the span of an hour had effectively ruined my entire life. My hands curled into fists and a sharp pain shot through my left hand.

"Ow! Shit," I yelped. They all gazed at me and I looked up at Riley. "I, um, forgot about my hand. Sorry. I'm, going to run to the truck and grab my Tylenol, real quick."

I stood up and hustled to the truck. I climbed in and pulled the door shut. My hands were quivering as I fumbled through the piles of papers and empty cigarette packs, looking through the glove box for the small white bottle… I dug the bottle out and tried to get the lid off. One handed wasn't the easiest way to be. I wrestled with it for a minute before I began to smash the lid on the dashboard. "Mother fucker, cock sucker, son of a bitch, asshole!" I yelled. "You stupid son of a bitch, you son of a fucking bitch."

The tears took me over and leaned into the steering wheel. My body shook with convulsing sobs, which rang in my ears and soaked my face. The sky began to darken as I continued to cry, big engulfing tears that shook my body. The signs on the streets began to light up as an omen that I had been gone too long and needed to return, at least fifteen minutes had passed since I had left them in the restaurant. I looked in the rearview mirror and wiped the mascara from under my eyes. I reapplied the concealer and my lipstick. I heard the hand on the door handle before I saw him. Alec swung the door open and I sat there, my limbs were debilitated. He stood in the open doorway for a moment, his arms crossed and a mocking smile on his face. "Bella."

"Alec."

"Aren't you going to scoot over, so we can talk about this?" he asked, his tone menacing. I started at him. I couldn't move my body. He sighed and pushed my body across the bench seat with both hands. He climbed into the cab and shut the door. We sat there for a minute, I stared at him and he stared out in front of him. The rain hung over the windshield like a curtain. "So, it's been a while." He snuck a glance at me before looking back out the window. "Since no one has come looking for me yet, I'm assuming you didn't tell anyone who I was."

"I haven't said anything. I didn't tell anyone, a thing," I whispered. "I didn't even really know who you were. No one knows."

"Not even my brother?" he asked the glass. I shook my head. He turned to me, his eyes were dark and he scowled. "Good, because I can't have some tattle tell girl who thinks I got a little too rough to go crying to my family. I meant what I said, Bella. I could have killed you then and I won't hesitate to do it if you decide to open your fucking mouth."

"I won't say anything, Alec."

"My brother is all I have and I'm all he has. I practically raised him and he looks up to me. You know I can do no wrong in his eyes, right?"

I nodded slowly. Riley always talked at length about his brother. How his brother was his best friend, how he loved his brother so much. All the great things his brother could do. I knew his name, why hadn't there been warning signs? Why had I never asked to see a picture?

"I won't have you ruining it."

"_I said_, I'm not going to tell anyone."

"I'm glad to hear that, Bella." He patted my hand and his scowl softened to a smile. "I am sad, I never got to see what is underneath all those clothes. I bet my brother has a lot of fun with you. Maybe he would share. After all, we're going to be family soon. I'm going to be your brother. Your children's uncle. Huh, Uncle Alec. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

My breath choked in my throat and I fought to stay still as his words sunk in. My child, my baby, would have this monster as family. And I would never get away from this nightmare. The air grew stagnant in the truck. I couldn't do that to my baby. I stared into his eyes and willed myself to be strong. "Alec, I will never say anything to anyone about what happened. But I am telling you now; you will never touch me or any of my children."

"Oh, don't be like that sugar. We could have fun, if you would just loosen up." He brought his hand up to trail down my cheek. He grasped my chin. "I could just take you. It wouldn't be hard. Tiny little thing like you. You just think about that, why don't you?"

"No, I'm with Riley," I stated. At that moment, the passenger side door opened up and Riley stood there. Alec's hand was still on my chin.

"What. The. Fuck," Riley gritted through his teeth. Alec's hand fell and he leaned back in the seat.

"Hey, little bro. Bella and I were just getting to know each other," Alec said, smirking.

"Bella, what the fuck do you think you are doing. You fucking whore! You leave for a minute to start making out with my brother! Unbelievable! You are fucking unbelievable," he shouted. Riley grabbed my left arm and squeezed it tight. He pulled me out of the truck and I fell against the car next to me, slamming my hand into the window. Pain shuttered up my arm. I felt the bile rise in my mouth. I began to heave into the ground; barely missing my shoes. Riley held on to my arm and leaned into the truck. "Alec, get the fuck out of the truck."

Alec shrugged and climbed out. We watched him saunter back into the restaurant. Riley turned to me. "Now what? I mean; what the fuck Bella?"

"I didn't do anything! Riley you have to believe me, nothing happened. We were just talking, that's all," I said, whimpering. He let go of my arm and pushed me against the truck.

"Talking? Talking about what?" he sneered.

"Family. He was welcoming me into the family."

"That's not what it looked like." He shook his head and tried to steady his breath. "Listen, you need to leave. I'll meet you at the apartment. I need to talk to Alec. And then I will deal with you. Stay there," he ordered. I stood against the truck until he returned with my purse and coat. He threw it at me and the contents of my purse went flying across the pavement. He looked at me, shook his head and walked back into the restaurant. I watched his retreating form for a moment. My arm throbbed where he grabbed me. I rubbed it absentmindedly, looking up at the sky. The clouds hung low in the noon day sky. I sighed as I sank to my knees, to pick up my scattered belonging. Once I had everything crammed into my purse, I slung it over my shoulder and climbed into the truck. I turned the key and began to drive away.

In his apartment I fingered the bumpy flesh before moving my fingers lower to rest on my lower abdomen. I pressed my palms into my skin. I rubbed the sloping muscles thoughtfully.

"What do I do, Baby?" I murmured, looking at my reflection. When I was alone like this I could really look at the slight bump that was protruding from my stomach. I could actually acknowledge the small life that was forming in my womb, my little pain, my little miracle. I patted my belly in thoughtful rhythm.

"How do I fix this for you? I want to do right by you, I just can't figure out what to do."

Slowly I traced the scar that ran over my stomach. Alec's scar. "Riley's never going to change is he? He's going to hurt us just like Alec hurt me. We'll never be safe here. I can't keep you safe here. Could I take you away from here? Could I take you away from your father?"

I rubbed my belly for a moment before fingering the small diamond on my finger. I took a deep breath. I knew what I would need to do. I would need to be strong for my baby. I couldn't sit idly by and let Baby have some abusive life. I wouldn't allow Baby to hurt the way I did. Baby was too important already. I pulled the ring off and set it on the dresser. It looked lonely sitting there but I knew it was for the best. I grabbed my duffel bag and started throwing in the clothes I had compiled there. I rushed around the messy apartment, picking up clothes, my toothbrush and shoes. I found a pen and paper in the junk drawer and pulled them out. I sat at the table and stared at the blank paper; mytabula rasa, wanting so badly to create that blank slate.

**Present Day**

I knew if I told Jacob about meeting Alec that night, I would have to explain about Port Angeles. I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't tell Jacob that, he would murder Alec—as much as I would celebrate that I knew he would probably go to prison. The same went for Riley— I just couldn't tell Jacob why. I racked my mind trying to come up with an explanation. I didn't even have one for myself. All I knew was I needed to protect Baby. Baby was my everything now. How could explain something I didn't even understand?

Even now, just as that day when I was driving away from any chance I had to carve out a place for me in someone else's life. I wondered if I shouldn't have just confessed the whole thing when it happened. But the lies just kept piling up and I was pressed to find a breath under their weight. How do you recover from a life built on a paper thin truth?

**All Time Low-Running From Lions**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A little nibble of the next chapter**

_I got on to the I-10, going west towards the airport. I was minutes from Edward's hotel when I slammed on the brakes. The rocks hit the undercarriage of my car as I coasted to a stop on the side of the freeway. _

_What was I doing? _

©2009-2010 M. Grable (RosalieLinnea) No copying, reproducing or distributing this work without express written authorization from the Author. All recognizable names and settings belong to Stephanie Meyer.


	21. Gardenia

8

_I'm the one who likes Gardenia  
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor  
I don't want to hang up the phone yet  
it's been good getting to know me more_

**Gardenia**

**EPOV**

My cart was overflowing with plastic action figures, stuffed animals, video games, trucks and a deluxe train set. I had no idea there were so many variations of Legos so I grabbed five of the one I would want to help put together. Shopping for a little boy was so much more fun than I expected. Emmett was hooting around the corner, a set of Hulk hands on his fists. I watched as he bashed them together, laughing to himself.

"Em, on task here," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Dude, these are so cool."

I pointed to the power wheels. "Which one do you think he'll like?"

"The Jeep, get him the Jeep." Emmett replied, smirking.

"No, you want him to have the jeep."

"So, you'd want him to have some grandma car, if they even sold that, _which they don't._" he retorted.

I sighed heavily and looked over my options. "Okay which one, the Escalade or the Kawasaki?"

"_Rollin round, sittin on dubs. Countin the urs, Was high on shrubs. Coolin in my Escalade." _he sang loudly.

I punched him in the gut. "Hey, there are kids around, man," I reminded him.

"Oops, sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly.

I grabbed the slip for the Kawasaki and walked up to the check out. The teenage girl widened her eyes at my cart.

_Whoa big spender, he doesn't look that much older than me. He's cute too…Whoa, that guy is huge._

She took in Emmett's size, as he was trying on a princess crown. "Hey, should I get this for Rosalie? She is my queen."

"Unless that thing is diamond encrusted and platinum, I wouldn't bother," I told him, chuckling. I hand her my black credit card and she examined it, looking at the front and back for a moment. She slid it and handed me the receipt.

We wheeled the cart out to the Volvo and loaded the back full of toys. I may have gone a little over board. We climbed into the car and I started towards the hotel.

"So, you and Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Yes?" I shot him an innocent look.

_Dude, I know you can hear me. Don't make me say it out loud._

"Say what?" I teased.

_You two are moving in together. That's a big step right?_

"You and Rose lived together from the start," I reminded him.

_That isn't the same and you know it. She's human, it's different._

"True," I replied.

_So she's the one, isn't she?_

"Yeah, she is. I've known for years. I waited a long time for her." I sighed happily.

_And it's cool she has a kid. He's fucking adorable, man._

"Do you really need to say fucking and adorable in the same sentence?" I asked him. He shrugged his shoulders at me.

_Maybe not, but I do. That's just the miracle of the Em-Dog._

"Fine, I guess."

"Are her hooters as nice as I imagine?" he asked, visualizing what Bella looked like and then comparing them to Rosalie's.

"What the fuck, man? Don't picture her boobs," I shouted.

"Oh, chill the fuck out man. I'm a guy, that's what we do," he said shrugging.

_If you don't want to know, stay out of my head._

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath.

"Sure am," I confirmed. He raised his arms up in a victory pose. "King Asshole and King Douche bag to the rescue!"

I punched him in the arm, trying to shut him up.

"You didn't answer my question," he reminded me.

"And I'm not going to. You don't need to know about that," I stated.

_Fine, have it your way. I guess I'll just have to let my imagination run wild…_

He thought about Bella and Rosalie. I let the day dream go on for about two seconds before I stopped him. "Yes, okay. They're nice. Happy?"

"As can be, little brother," he replied, sauntering away whistling.

Walking down the hallway, I could hear the hum of voices through the walls. Rosalie and Esme were crying and Alice's thoughts were scared.

_What is Edward going to do? How could she just leave like this? He's going to kill me. Why won't he pick up his phone?_

I ran down the hall and fumbled with my key card. The door swung open and Carlisle's concerned face was all I saw. His mind was blank. He wasn't going to tell me what was happening. I stormed in.

"Alice, what's going on?"

"I tried to call you, you didn't pick up," she answered.

_It's bad, this is so bad…_

"I asked what happened," I repeated.

_So sorry, so very sorry._

_How could she? What would make her?_

_I'll kill that girl if she's hurt him._

"I couldn't understand, I only saw flashes, some blond guy talking to her, Names thrown out. James, Riley, Alec. And then…" Alice trailed off, he voice breaking if anguish.

I saw it in her mind. Broken bits of conversation, single words. Bella yelling at him. Bella grabbing Ryland.

"She left, Edward. She ran away."

**BPOV**

_But me, I'm not a gamble  
You can count on me to split  
The love I sell you in the evening  
By the morning won't exist_

I was planning on driving back home, but Ryland began to whine in the back seat— reminding me that I promise him that we would go to the park if he was good. After several high pitched words and more than a few forced tears I relented. What was the harm? Obviously James had no child, to pretend he had today. I parked and bundled Ryland up in his jacket before setting him off to the playground. He raced up the ladder and slid down the slide, giggling. The December air was brisk against my arms. I sat on the bench and rubbed my arms.

"You have ten minutes, Buddy," I called out. Ryland shot me a thumb up. I watched him, playing so carefree on the slide. It was amazing how only a few weeks prior I thought I could never experience that level of happiness. Now, with Edward, I knew exactly how he felt. I felt as if I had won some incredible prize to get lucky enough o have this kind of love in my life. I didn't think there would room in my heart after Ryland; I was content with the idea of celibacy. As long as I had Ryland I would be okay. How wrong I was. If I only knew how much love I could handle, how I could love them both equally, just in different ways. In such amount of time was completely, head over feet in love with Edward Cullen. It was as frightening as it was exhilarating.

"So we meet again," a slick voice behind me said. I snapped my head around. James stood there, his hands in his pockets. He had a cocky grin on his face as he plopped himself down next to me.

"Ugh, what do you want?" I snarled, narrowing my eyes at him. I was not going to show him my weaknesses.

"Aw, now don't be like that. Can't old friends just chat for a while?" he asked, nonplussed by my demeanor.

"Look, if my knee to the groin wasn't message enough, I don't want you!" I hissed, standing up quickly. "I know you don't have a niece too. You lied about a lot of things, asshole."

I began to stomp away, to grab Ryland. "So do you, Bella," he called out.

"You have no business talking to me that way, dickwad," I retorted, spinning around to glare at him.

"Sure I do, I know things, things you would rather stay hidden. Things that you've been, dare I say…running from." He got up and sauntered over to me. For some reason I was frozen. I tried to comprehend his words. What could he know? He was just some slick git. He stopped in front of me and brushed a hair from my face.

"Don't touch me." I slapped his hand away. He chuckled at my anger. I scowled at him as I turned to walk away.

"You really are quite cute when you're mad. Alec was right." I stopped in my tracks, my whole body rooted to the sidewalk. Did he just say…? He laughed again, coming up behind me. "Ah, yes, that got your attention, didn't it?"

I watched Ryland on the swings now, pumping his legs, attempting to go higher. To fly high above the ground, how I wished I could fly away with him at the moment.

"It really was on accident, honestly. You see, Alec and Riley are my cousins. I, certainly, am far closer to Alec—Riley is a bit of pussy, if you ask me. We all grew up together, before I moved away, of course. So here I am, walking in the park one day and I see a beautiful girl, so I chat with her, maybe spin a tale or two. Nothing I haven't done before, to get a girl in my bed. I wasn't going to pursue you. I can have plenty of women, whenever I wanted them. That was before the little incident in the parking lot, you remember that don't you? The one where your sickly boyfriend acted all macho."

I nodded slowly in fear, trying to get my bearings about me.

"So, anyway, I'm telling my cousin the story and when I say your name he stops me. Apparently he knew a Bella Swan. A girl with brown hair and brown eyes. A girl who was going to marry my dear little cousin. And this girl disappeared. Just up and left, never to be heard from again. Isn't that odd? Broke my cousin's heart, that bitch did. Can you believe the nerve? Alec said he had been looking everywhere for this girl. Said she had some bad shit coming to her. This all happened little over four years ago. How old is your son again?"

"Four," I whispered. My blood felt cold and tears were silently running down my cheeks. After all these years, of hiding and running, just when things were looking up…

"He looks just like his daddy. Riley is such a handsome young man."

I slowly turned to face James, my fists clenched at my side. My face was wet with tears, but I was not going to allow him the pleasure of seeing my fear. "Stay away from me and stay away from my son," I warned.

"Tut, tut, Bella. Don't threaten me, please," James goaded me playfully. "The way I see it, we have two options here. One; I can tell Alec about you and your precious son and he'll come down to visit you. Or option two; you can play nice with me and it will be our little secret."

He laid a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it roughly. "What'll it be? Are you going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

I tensed my fist, testing it. I remembered to hold my thumb across the top of my fist and planted my feet. Quickly I pulled my arm back and knocked James across the face. He stumbled back and I took off running, grabbing Ryland off the slide and hurried to my car. James shouted after me.

"It's the hard way, Fucker!" I yelled out the window. I thrust the car into reverse and peeled out of the parking lot. Ryland wasn't even buckled into the car seat but I wasn't going to stop. Ryland laughed at the speeds, not realizing my apprehension. I flew into the carport at my apartment. I thanked God that I hadn't unpacked our bags. I ran up the stairs, fumbling with my keys. I pushed the door open and within seconds I was back down in the car, buckling Ryland in and throwing our bags in the trunk. If James knew where I lived, I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to come find us.

I got on to the I-10, going west towards the airport. I was minutes from Edward's hotel when I slammed on the brakes. The rocks hit the undercarriage of my car as I coasted to a stop on the side of the freeway.

What was I doing?

I couldn't bring this kind of trouble around Edward. I had dug this mess, I needed to fix it. He deserved better than some woman with crazy baby daddy drama. I couldn't ask for his help on this. What was I thinking he was? Some knight in shining armor? He didn't need to be responsible for me and my mistakes. Sobs racked my chest as I cried into the steering wheel.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Ryland asked his voice soft with concern. "Do you want my Nessie?"

I wiped the tears from my face and shook my head. "No thank you, Baby— I'm just a little sad, that's all."

"Are we going to get Edward? Are we leaving now?" he asked, oblivious.

"No, we're not getting Edward. We're going to visit a friend of Mommy's for a few days."

I knew what I need to do. I hated myself for it. For bring this kind of shame down on myself, on Ryland. For letting Edward down. I hoped he would understand—I wanted him to be able to have a good life, one that I wasn't going to fuck up with all my baggage. He deserved that. I shifted the car into drive, put on the blinker to merge on to the light afternoon traffic.

I took the I-10 east. I drove the opposite way that I had—only hours before, been driving down with Edward, singing along to the radio and thinking that all my problems could be solved by simply loving someone. Foolish, foolish girl; such a stupid, silly woman I was. By the time I got to Tucson, the sun had set behind the mountains and the street lights were on. A thin layer of snow covered the road as I drove towards Texas border. I wasn't going to stop until I got out of the state. My phone vibrated nonstop until it finally went dead. I wasn't ready to give anyone an explanation until I was in El Paso. Stupid clichés and my God damn mistakes, in that moment I had never felt so alone.

**Bright Eyes-Lua**

**Mandy Moore-Gardenia **

**Per usual, here you are.**

_Was I just a fool to think that I could keep running? One look in the rearview mirror reminded me of my purpose. Until my dying day I would do anything to protect Ryland. Even if that meant giving up all that I loved the most—Jacob, my dad, Forks and —I could hardly handle thinking about it— Edward._


End file.
